


Protège-Moi

by tscSNK (tsc)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Cocaine, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Heroin, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 62,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsc/pseuds/tscSNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a near fatal motorcycle accident, Levi is forced to live with pain.  As time passes, he's not sure how much more of it he can take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea came to me while I was on the bus listening to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNJSRBIm3NE) and here we are.

I highly believe that I was supposed to die that night.

That night when I had gone to a party at my friend’s house, and a night where I didn’t drink or take anything to cause myself to lose my full judgement. A night like any other where I was the designated driver for one. On any other day, I may have partaken in the party’s activities, but my 6am shift was staring me in the face and telling me no. I played everyone’s games, though in place of beer I drank water and in place of any illegal substances, I ate chips.

I was a responsible adult after all. Besides, I wasn’t one for recreational drug use anymore anyway.

I wandered around the house as I tried to find the girl that had invited me to the party and found her in the living room with a few other girls that I didn’t recognize. I smiled down at the beautiful auburn haired girl as she grinned up at me with a bottle of beer in her hand as she sat on the couch.

“I’m heading out.” I stated, pointing to the front door behind me with my thumb over my shoulder.

The girl pushed her lower lip out in a pout before pushing herself up off the couch.

“But Levi…” she whined, throwing her arms around me haphazardly. “You just got here.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as she slurred her words. Very few people I could handle while they were drunk, and luckily for her, she was one of them. I wrapped my arms around her waist in a hug before pulling away from her embrace.

“Some people have to work in the morning, Petra. I mean, really, who throws a party on a Tuesday, anyway?”

The girl, Petra, pouted even more and wobbled on her feet. “People who don’t work on Wednesdays, obviously.”

With a roll of my eyes, I turned on my heel and headed towards the door.

“I’ll see you in a few days!” I called over my shoulder with a hint of a smile on my lips.

“A-Are you okay to drive?” she called back, and I could hear her stumbling towards me as I stopped at the door to slip into my boots. I glanced up at her as she leaned against the wall.

“Much better than you are. I haven’t had anything.”

She squinted her eyes at me, though I didn’t know if it was her glaring at me, or trying to focus on me. “Are you sure?” she pressed, leaning towards me slightly.

“A hundred and ten percent sure.” I reassured her, putting my hand on her shoulder to give it a tight squeeze. “Now go back to your friends and have some fun. And enjoy having Wednesday off.”

And with that she beamed back at me. “Have a good night, Levi.”

And I firmly do believe that was the last time I was supposed to see Petra.

I walked down the front path from the house and down the street to where I had parked my bike. My helmet was locked in a case that sat on the back of my bike, and upon unlocking said case, I secured my helmet on my head. I stepped over the bike to sit in the seat and zipped up my jacket. It was a warm night for June; it was my favourite time to ride.

I started up the motorbike and a smile spread across my face at the low rumbling of the engine. I shifted in the seat before leaning forward onto the handles before I was taking off down the street.

I didn’t live all that far from Petra’s house, it was only a couple exits down the freeway. It was a route I knew like the back of my hand. I could probably do it in my sleep.

And the moment I merged into the fast lane on the freeway, I thought I was asleep, because everything feels like a distant dream. I revved the engine and flew down the freeway like I always did. Right on the speed limit, though with the lack of vehicles around me, it felt like I was speeding through time and space.

But despite my lack of intoxication, and despite the fact that I was following all the laws of the road, it still happened. Because you can’t always trust the road to be on your side. You can’t always trust the road to be your friend and to be clear for your vehicle to move freely across the surface. You can’t always trust that it is going to get you home in one piece.

My trust in that moment was broken as my front tire caught a piece of tire that had flown off a semi earlier in the day that had not been swept off to the shoulder. The rubber caught on the rubber too fast, and things both slowed down and sped up. As the front tire jammed, I was flung from my seat and hit the median before falling into the oncoming traffic side. 

I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t want to know what happened after that. I wasn’t supposed to survive that, because from what I had heard it wasn’t a scene that looked like there were survivors. It was a wreck, and I was the only victim and I survived.

But this isn’t a story about how I almost died. It’s a story of how I was too scared to live.

I really, truly believe that I should have died that night.

And for a while, I thought I had.

It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been in a coma, what being in a coma is like. To say that it was a very long sleep was half right. I dreamt as if I had started like from the beginning. I was a kid again, a teenager again and a high school graduate again. The saying that says your life flashes before your eyes before you die kind of made sense in the moment because in the moment when my entire life was playing in front of me, I was ready to die. I knew it wasn’t reality, I knew that this had already happened. It was like a bad case of deja vu, I just didn’t remember how I got there.

While laying in the hospital bed, thinking I was on the brink of death, I heard my name. I heard my name many times called by many different people but I couldn’t respond, and I couldn’t tell where they were coming from. As I looked around in my dream world, it was as though the gods were speaking to me as I wandered across my university campus on my way to a psychology final. Pretty fitting considering I thought I was going crazy.

As time passed, the voices got louder and my dream world got blurrier and blurrier and I wondered if this was death. Is this how we all go out? There was no white light to go towards, not really. There was a light definitely, but it was red. Was I going to hell? Is that what it meant?

I blinked my eyes a few times before squeezing them shut. All of a sudden, pain shot through my brain and as I tried to move my arm to cover my eyes, more pain shot through my arm and I realized I was restrained. I was stuck, I couldn’t move.

I tried to call out but my voice was hoarse. Where was I and what was I doing here?

I heard muffled voices, and I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I heard beeping and the sound pierced through my skull and the overly sanitary smell finally hit me. I was in a hospital. Every hospital smells the same, and I took a shaky breath to calm myself down.

I heard a door open and footsteps beside me. I couldn’t turn my neck to see who it was, so I forced myself to peek open an eye. There was a woman dressed in pink scrubs, her brown hair pulled up in a ponytail and glasses situated on her nose. I recognized her, but her name wasn’t coming to me. I knew that I knew her rather well, in fact.

I tried my voice again, though still hoarse, “’T hap’n?” I managed to get out, inwardly cringing at my lack of vocal skills.

The woman beside the bed jumped slightly at my voice and as I peeked my eye open again, she looked down at me with her own wide eyes.

“Levi?” she asked softly, leaning closer to me.

I made a confirmative grunt and a smile broke across her face.

“Oh my god, thank god.” she stood back up straight and the smile almost made her look like she was glowing.

“Wa…ter…” I wheezed out, trying to make myself make more sense.

She nodded quickly and spun herself around. “Right away, right away!”

I let out another shaky breath and tried to relax as she left the room. My head was still searing with pain due to the florescent lights overhead, but there was nothing I could do about it.

But this is not a story about how I woke up in a hospital. It’s a story about how recovery is a fucking bitch.


	2. Summer's Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get the first two parts up at the same time ^_^ Enjoy!

“Levi!”

I lifted my head from the book I had been reading and looked in the direction of the voice. Though, before I could find the owner of the voice, a stream of pain entered my head and I forcefully closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths until the pain subsided before opening my eyes again, only to be met with a different kind of pain at the sight of Petra’s worried face staring back at me.

“Sorry.” she mumbled, sliding into the seat across from me.

I had been sitting in the library at the university, trying to cram for an English test when the girl had decided to join me. I knew that studying was going to be no use. Ever since I came back to school a few months ago, my grades had been nothing but abysmal. I understood the work, but putting words down on paper from my brain wasn’t computing as it used to. 

I had been discharged just over a year ago, and recovery was taking it’s toll on me. My bones had mended, though my entire body hurt all the time. My legs were still weak, though I could walk, only with the help of a cane. I had to wear sunglasses inside and even on cloudy days as the lights brought on monstrous headaches that made my stomach churn.

But I was doing everything to get my life back in order.

I slowly shook my head and let a small smile form on my lips.

“Don’t apologize for things like that, Petra.” I said softly, letting my eyes fall back down to the book in front of me. The print was too small and did not help the permanent headache. It was hard to focus when the words all blurred together.

The girl across from me was unusually quiet and I lifted my head once more, much slower this time. She was sitting with her chin on her hands, elbows on the table as she looked at me. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked like she was battling some inner demons.

“Petra?”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before pushing herself up to sit straight.

“Erwin has been asking about you and I know it’s a touchy subject—“

I groaned and fell forward, letting my forehead rest against the textbook.

“Touchy is probably the wrong word…” I mumbled, turning my head so my cheek was against the book.

The girl across from me sighed and stayed quiet for a few moments before finally speaking up again.

“He was asking to see how you were doing because you haven’t been out since…” she trailed off and I let out a sigh, closing my eyes.

“Of course I haven’t been out. I can’t be out for long periods of time and—“

“Levi.” Petra spoke softly and I let the rest of the air out of my lungs that I had breathed in to speak. “You don’t have to defend yourself.” she said quietly, and I nodded my head against the book. “And I told him that you’d come back out with us when you were ready. If you ever are ready.”

The story about Erwin was a complicated one. We met freshman year in high school and we had all become very close friends. Petra, Erwin and I, as well as our friend Hanji (who happened to be the nurse that was beside my bed when I woke up in the hospital) hung out every weekend. When we first started hanging out, we’d go do simple things like rock climbing or a few rounds of laser tag. As the years passed, our activities continued being just that though with a few added bonuses.

Senior year Erwin had fallen into another crowd, but hung out with us on the weekends like old times. There was a party a few weeks before graduation and it was then I learned of his new friends and how he had been making money. He told everyone he had picked up a part time at a burger joint, but I learned the truth that night.

Erwin’s new friends were the shady type, and he had fallen in with the shadiest of them.

“I’ve been selling, and they’ve been cutting me in on their profits.” he had told me. His eyes were bright and he was smiling wide. Just from the look on his face, and the size of his pupils, I could tell that he wasn’t just selling.

“Erwin, what happened to you?” I had asked, and perhaps the judgement had been wrong. Perhaps it had been right. The memory is hazy, especially now.

The fact was he stopped hanging out with us for a while after that, always with different excuses that I didn’t believe at all. And after we graduated, as life goes, the small group stopped hanging out on weekends. I had decided to take the year off to work and Petra headed to Europe for a year with Hanji and Erwin didn’t talk to us much.

After the year had passed, however, Petra and Hanji and Erwin had gotten back together and dragged me out. And miraculously, it felt like nothing had changed. It felt like we were in high school again, and Erwin had explained that he had stopped selling after one of the guys of the shady group had been arrested. He was done after that, he was too cowardly to continue.

Things felt normal. Things felt sane. Until a few months before the accident. A few months before my life turned upside down. When there was a night and a party at Petra’s, and I didn’t have to work the following day. A night when I decided to actually go all out. The alcohol flowed freely through my bloodstream and I felt amazing. And I was in the living room dancing before the memory phased into being in a room with Erwin. And I remember taking something, but I don’t remember what it was but all I knew that I wanted was Erwin. Erwin in his most natural state. I wanted Erwin in every way that he would let me have him. And when I woke up the following morning, curled up in the larger man’s arms with nothing on my body except a black sheet, I felt slight regret.

I tried to not regret things, but this was one of the things that I couldn’t not want to take back. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship I had with Erwin, but after that night, that is exactly what had happened.

After that night, I tried to avoid Erwin. And it wasn’t until a week or two before the accident that the man had finally understood that I needed my space. My phone went quite and I almost missed the constant pestering though not enough to do anything about it.

He was at the party that night. We spoke that night, but not for long. He was on something, and didn’t make sense and I didn’t want to get involved. I wasn’t part of his world anymore, and I wasn’t going to let him drag me in. Drugs weren’t going to be my downfall.

“Levi?”

I slowly lifted my head and squinted at Petra who was still sitting across from me. My brain had become a whirlwind of thoughts and I had forgotten that I was still in the library.

“Sorry…” I mumbled, moving up my hand to rub my eyes. “I think I need to head home, the pain is kicking up again.” I added after a moment, and it wasn’t a complete lie. The pain was always bad, but now I had a lot more on my mind than my English exam.

“Have you seen him?” Petra asked as I slowly gathered my things in my bag. 

I glanced up at her before zipping the bag up and throwing the strap over my head. I carefully made my way up out of my seat and grabbed the cane that I had leaned up against the table next to where I was sitting. I slowly shook my head.

“No. I haven’t contacted him, and he hasn’t contacted me.” I stated simply, leaning on the cane to take pressure off of my right leg. “I’ll go out when I am ready, and I really am no where close to being ready.” 

Petra nodded and stood from her seat. She moved around the table and gently wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. I offered her a small smile in return and she pulled back.

“Are you going to be okay to get back?”

A breath caught in my throat and I closed my eyes before nodding. The sentence was all too familiar. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

With one last glance at the girl who had sat back down at the table, I turned to walk out the door.

As I walked out of the school after coming down the elevator, I was met with a crisp breeze that cut through my hoodie. I stopped and zipped it up, painfully shivering as the chill hit me. I sighed softly as I started walking again, not really wanting to go home just yet.

If anything, I just wanted to get my mind off of things.

I walked away from the main building and down the sidewalk towards the campus shops. There were lots of small stores and cafes in walking distance to the university, and before the accident, I always found myself at one of the small twenty-four hour coffee shops in the middle of the community. And as I walked passed the storefronts, I lingered in front of the cafe in question. I hadn’t been in for well over a year, and their broccoli and cheddar soup was to die for.

And my stomach grumbled right at the right moment, and I found myself walking into the familiar space.

I looked around and a small smile found it’s way onto my face. Nothing had changed aside from the faces behind the counter. As well as being convenient for students to get some studying in at odd times of night, it was also a bonus for students needing a part time job. There were three unfamiliar faces working behind the counter as I walked up to the cash register.

I watched as one boy started making a sandwich for a man waiting at the bar, and watched as a black haired girl turned towards me before giving me an apologetic look and headed through a set of doors to the back kitchen.

“Eren, can you get the guy at the register, I need to….” the girl’s voice muffled out as the doors swung back and forth and quickly after, a taller boy with messy brown hair walked out, fastening his apron behind his back.

“Yeah, yeah…” he muttered as he walked towards the cash register. He kept his head down as he pressed a few buttons on the register, and my eyes widened as he finally looked at me. But that quickly vanished. “Welcome to Kirschtein’s, home of the horse—“

Before the kid could continue, a slice of tomato hit the side of his face and fell to the ground. I watched with a raised eyebrow as the kid in front of me slowly turned to the boy who had been making the sandwich.

“Must you make that joke every time?” the boy making the sandwich muttered, slamming the top piece of bread down which caused me to wince. The poor sandwich did nothing wrong.

“Yes.” The boy in front of me said simply before turning back to me. “Sorry. What can I get for you?” he asked.

“Earl grey tea and a bowl of broccoli cheddar.” I spoke slowly, frowning as the words were having difficulty coming out, as they always did nowadays.

The boy pressed buttons on the cash register and nodded as he did so. “One earl grey tea and one bowl of broccoli cheddar soup — oh, would you like crackers or a slice of garlic bread with that?” I shook my head. “Okay, that will come to four dollars and fifty cents!”

I nodded and set my cane against the counter before reaching for my wallet, pulling out a five dollar bill. After the exchange of money, I watched the boy eye my cane before smiling at me. “If you want to grab a table, I’ll bring it out to you.”

And on any other day, I’d probably protest and dig in my heels that I would be able to do it myself, but I was already feeling weak in the legs. Instead, I nodded and headed to the corner of the cafe where I usually sat; happy that it was empty.

I slid into the seat and set my bag under the table between my feet and put the cane beside me. I couldn’t help but glare at the object that made my minor disability so obvious. I hated feeling weak, and I hated other people knowing I was weak. And with my speech being as bad as it was, I knew people judged me. I may have been physically weak, but I was not dumb. I was slow, yes, but not dumb.

But I was grateful for the boy that brought my food. He smiled down at me, and didn’t say anything about it, though what he did say made me chuckle quietly.

“I haven’t seen you here before. Are you a new student?”

I slowly shook my head as I moved the tea and the soup closer to me on the table. When I had things like this keeping me occupied, my slow speech didn’t seem as bad.

“No. You could say that I had a year off.” I spoke softly, not wanting to give any details other than, “This was one of my favourite places to come.”

“Oh! That would be why I haven’t seen you then.” he laughed quietly and I glanced back up him, eyes moving over his features through my sunglasses. “I only started a few months ago, just after…” the boy trailed off once he realized I had been frowning up at him. And it wasn’t to be rude, but the speed in which he was speaking was far too quick for me and my head was starting to throb. “Sorry, enjoy your meal.” he added quietly, and with a pink tinge on his cheeks, he turned on his heel to head back behind the counter.

And despite the dull ache in my head, I couldn’t help but laugh quietly to myself as I turned to my soup and my tea which were both equally as delicious as I remember them being.


	3. Meds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I haven't proofread this, I am so sorry.  
> 2) I really didn't expect this to take as long as it did, but I also didn't expect it to be as long as it is.  
> 3) THANK YOU to all those who left kudos (and comments) I thoroughly enjoy seeing them!!
> 
> Enjoy!

The days slowly continued to pass and I found myself falling into my old routine. Unlike before, when I would head to the library after my last class for a few hours to get some work done where it was quiet, and where my overworked brain could relax and not have to take in other sounds; I found myself at the cafe. Before the accident, I had always gone there after class for a cup of tea or two to get some work done, and I had gone back to doing so. Although, as the days passed I remembered why I had opted to go to the library in the first place. 

Late afternoon at the cafe was busy with students stopping in before going home for the night and it was noisy. It was difficult to concentrate on more than one thing at once, and despite that, I still went because it was once again a habit.

“The usual?” the familiar voice asked me as I still looked up at the menu.

I sighed quietly and nodded before moving for my wallet to pull out my cash. I handed the note over to the very same green-eyed boy that I’d ordered from on the first day, and several days following. I watched as he furrowed his brow as he counted out the change from the drawer, before beaming brightly at me as he handed back the coin.

“I’ll bring it over in a few minutes.”

“Thank you.” I muttered before turning around to head to the corner that I had called my own.

I had arrived at the cafe a little later than I usually would. My legs weren’t feeling the greatest, but I still felt the need for tea. I set my bag and cane down at the table before sliding into the chair, sighing quietly to myself as I let my body relax.

I’m not exactly sure how long I had closed my eyes, or when I even had closed my eyes, but I was jolted back to reality by the sound of a mug being placed on the table in front of me. The boy in front of me had a look of concern on his face, his eyebrows once more knitting together.

“You feeling alright?” he asked quietly, setting down the bowl of soup beside the tea slowly. “Stay up late studying?”

I could have lied and told him that was the truth, but I found myself shaking my head. “Rough day.”

I watched as his eyes softened and he nodded. “Midterms?”

I cringed slightly at the word, and he had been quite close on that. Despite being in a world of hurt physically, the English midterm I had just come from was intense. Before I had a chance to reply, I heard him chuckle.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes.” I glanced up at him, confused. “You actually physically cringed at the word.”

Nodding slowly, I reached for the tea in front of me to pull it closer. “It’s difficult when you’re brain doesn’t work at its normal speed.” I said slowly, pausing my actions to do so. I could feel a small headache starting to burn at the front of my head and I was really cursing myself for going to the cafe.

“I see…” I glanced back up at the boy who once again wore the face of concern, and I sighed quietly. That was the last look I wanted to see from someone I barely knew.

“You might want to get back to work.” I said finally, nodding to the people that were starting to grow at the cash register. The boy turned around and I saw his eyes widen at the sight.

“Shit, Mikasa will kill me. Enjoy your meal!”

And with that, the boy scurried back to his station behind the counter. A small smirk grew onto my face as I lifted the tea to my lips to take a sip. 

It wasn’t until after I had finished my soup that I had decided to pull out my laptop to get a move on with some work. The cafe had quieted down considerably, and it wasn’t as rough on my head as it normally would be. For that I was grateful, because I was not ready to make the trek back to my apartment.

I read over notes that I had taken in class before switching tabs to start making an outline for a paper. As I typed, I reached for my tea to take another sip only to be disappointed in that the mug was empty. I sighed quietly and set it back down before turning back to the screen.

A few minutes later I heard shuffling beside me, though I did not look away from what I was typing. When I was in the middle of a thought, especially these days, I couldn’t afford to look away. I turned my head once I was done the sentence and my eyes met with the green ones of the boy from behind the counter.

“I brought you a refill.” he said quietly, sliding the mug onto the table and taking the empty one away, along with the bowl.

“I didn’t pay for one.” I said, frowning at the mug.

The boy smiled before a quiet laugh escaped, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on me.”

I blinked as I looked up at the boy and a small smile crept onto my face. I turned back to the screen as soon as I realized I was doing it and rubbed my eyes with my right hand.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I muttered, not looking back over until I heard him retreating back to the counter. I made a mental note to tip him better next time. I took a from my new mug of tea before moving my attention back to my paper.

It couldn’t have been that long, considering my tea was still warm, but half way through making my outline my phone started to buzz. I grumbled to myself quietly as I pulled the phone from my pocket to see Petra’s name on the screen. With a sigh, I slid the bar across to answer.

“Petra.”

“ _Levi? Where are you?_ ”

I frowned slightly at the sound of her exasperated voice. 

“What? I’m working on a paper at the cafe still, why?”

“ _Damn it…_ ” she trailed off and I squinted, trying my hardest to hear anything else that would be able to give me a clue as to why she sounded the way she did. “ _How are your legs?_ ”

“Pretty shitty today, why?”

Petra sighed quietly on the other end before speaking. “ _Erwin called me and asked where you were and I thought by now you’d be home, so I said you were at the cafe like always but you’re still there. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I should have said you were somewhere else._ ”

I closed my eyes as my brain slowly took in what she was saying. I wasn’t ready to see Erwin, but I really couldn’t avoid him forever. And it wasn’t her fault in the slightest, I was never at the cafe this long.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” I mumbled, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “I’m a grown ass man, I will survive.”

The girl sighed once again and I could hear the guilt in her voice. “ _I am really sorry._ ”

“It’s not your fault, stop apologizing.” I paused for a moment as words worked their way through my brain. “I should get this over with anyway.”

There was another pause before, “ _Please call me when you get home._ ”

“I will, I will.”

And with that, the conversation was over and my heart was hammering. There was no way my legs would let me run to my apartment in time. And even if they could, I was in far too much pain to try.

I sighed quietly as I closed my laptop and moved to slide it back into my bag. There was no way I could continue working now knowing that Erwin was coming to find me. As I zipped up the main part of my bag, I opened the side pouch and pulled out my painkillers. I took one with the last sip of my cold tea and winced as I swallowed. I stayed still with my eyes closed, only opening them when the front door of the cafe opened with a jingle of the overhead bell.

“Eren! I thought I would run into you here.” the man said as he walked up to the counter. The green-eyed kid that had been working since I arrived grinned back at him.

“Erwin, fancy seeing you here. What can I get you?”

“Just a small dark. I’m not here for long.”

“Coming right up.”

I slouched down in my seat as I eyed the exchange at the cash register. If I was as quick as I used to be, I could have easily made my escape while they were busy. Unfortunately, there was no escape for me and as soon as Erwin had his cup of coffee in hand, he turned in my direction and he didn’t say a word until he was seated comfortably across from me.

And man, did he look like shit.

I stared at the ghost of the man I used to know in awe. It had been well over a year since I had seen him and he looked like he had lost half of his weight. His cheeks were hollow and his hair looked as though it was falling out. He looked sickly, but his eyes were wide and he smiled at me. It was a smile to show off his darkened teeth and chapped lips. And my stomach turned and I felt like I was going to be reunited with my soup.

“It’s good to finally see you.” he said finally, after what felt like forever since he had sat down.

“Yeah, sorry to keep you waiting.” I drawled, not really sorry in the slightest.

I shifted slightly in my seat until I pulled out the wallet from the front of my pants. I kept it on my lap and turned my head to the boy at the counter who hadn’t looked away since Erwin had sat down. I pointed to my empty mug and the boy nodded and quickly turned around. My eyes moved back to Erwin as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Why didn’t you want to see me?” he asked quietly as he set his coffee down. My eyes stayed trained on his face as I tried to find the man that I used to know.

“Because after an accident, being around someone that is dependent on drugs and dealing them wasn’t really my idea of a good time.” I muttered, turning my gaze back to the boy who I gathered was named Eren. The brunet came bearing a grin and my tea and set it down. I handed him three ones and shook my head when he looked like he was going to protest. A smirk found it’s way onto my lips as I watched the boy blush and scurry back towards the counter.

“I haven’t been dealing, though.” Erwin’s voice brought me back to my senses and I turned my head back towards him. My eyes searched his blue ones, and I felt my stomach drop when I took note that they weren’t as vibrant as they once were. Erwin always seemed so alive until he fell into his habits; now his eyes just looked dead.

I shook my head as I reached for my tea. I slowly picked up the mug and blew the steam before taking a sip. I stayed quiet as my brain worked, trying to figure the best way to approach things. It was difficult, because I really didn’t know why Erwin was so adamant about trying to track me down.

“You’ve said that before.” I muttered against my mug. “Besides, dealing is only half of it. You—“

I glared as he cut me off. “I’ve stopped. I’m stopping. I will stop.”

I set my mug down, cocking my head to the side. “Really? What one is it, Erwin?”

I knew I was probably being a little rough on the guy, but it was for his own good. He looked about one needle away from death.

“If you want me to quit, I will quit.” he leaned slightly forward and spoke quietly, dead eyes pleading with me.

I rolled mine and winced, feeling the ache in my head starting to flare up. I tried my best to ignore it. “If you want to quit, you have to do it for yourself.” I paused to take another sip of my tea. “It’s not my job to keep you on the straight and narrow. You’ve lied to me countless times about —“

“I want to stop.” he whimpered as I spoke, but I continued.

“You’ve _lied_ to me countless times about dealing drugs, and doing drugs, Erwin. I can’t trust you, so why should I put in the effort to help you when I can’t trust you and when I have my own recovery to think about?”

It was definitely harsh, and my voice definitely raised and I was thankful that the cafe had maybe one other customer at the time. I could feel Erwin’s eyes boring into me, as well as a pair from across the room, but I didn’t lose my focus. It was easy for me to lose focus these days, but I was determined to get my words across.

“I’ve only been selling pot, that’s it.”

I could have laughed. And a small one did escape as I shook my head. I moved the hand that didn’t have a hold on the mug up to my face and shook my head more. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“You just did it again. So easily and without realizing it.” I mumbled against the palm of my hand as I looked back across to Erwin, who frowned with confused eyes. “You said you weren’t dealing.”

His eyes dropped to the table and he let out a defeated sigh. “I just wanted you back in my life.”

As soon as I rolled my eyes, I regretted it as another sharp pain shot through my skull. As soon as the conversation was over, I’d need another painkiller even though I had taken one not long before.

With a soft sigh, I dropped my hand back to the table and turned the mug in my hand. “Erwin.” my voice was softer than it had been and I looked across the table. “I don’t want you to do it for me. I want it to be your own decision, and until you are clean and until you are completely out of the drug world and as soon as you cut off all the ties with your dealers and customers then maybe we can sort things out. I know that right now, I personally cannot be around you. This conversation is giving me a bad enough headache and you seem pretty sober right now.”

“Sort of…”

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore his words. “And I just need that to happen, okay?” I opened my eyes a few moments later and saw Erwin nodding with his eyes trained on his coffee. I really hoped I was actually getting through to him.

Despite the words, it really did hurt me having to do this to him. We had been very good friends up until we slept together, but that wasn’t even the issue anymore.

“Fair enough.” he finally said, breaking the silence. I watched as he picked up his coffee and took the last few sips before sliding out of his chair. He stayed silent as he fixed his jacket and headed for the door. He waved to the boy standing behind the counter, who beamed back at him as he did with everyone. 

And I watched Erwin walk out the door without another word.

And part of me was sad for the fact that it happened the way it did, but the other part of me was relieved. I felt as though the words I said finally stuck, but only time would tell if Erwin stick to it.

I quietly sighed and let my head fall back against the seat. I really needed to get back to the apartment, it was getting late. My legs were throbbing and the tight jeans that I wore definitely didn’t help. They were definitely going to be swollen, and I wanted nothing more than to slip into a nice, relaxing bath.

I was brought back to reality a few moments later, however, as shoes shuffled in my direction. I turned my head slightly and peeked open one of my eyes and saw green ones looking back at me. He was frowning, concerned.

“What’s that look for, kid?” I mumbled, opening my eyes properly.

“How do you know Erwin?” he asked, reaching for the empty coffee mug on the table.

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped me as I shook my head. “Honestly, I should be asking you the same thing.”

I watched as the younger boy shrugged and looked out the window to the quiet street. “I buy from him once and a while. I don’t smoke often, but when the mood strikes…” he said with a shrug. “Which is what I am assuming you do as well.”

I squinted slightly as I looked at the boy before pinching the bridge of my nose. My head was really giving me trouble. There were far too many conversations, and far too many topics. I was having a hard time forming words.

“I’ve known him since we were younger, and we’ve done a lot together. I don’t buy from him, and I told him I don’t want to have anything to do with him until he’s clean.” I sighed quietly as I dropped my hand back to my lap.

“He was looking really rough today.”

I glanced up at the boy and nodded. “He looked like he was on death’s door. I’ve never seen him look like that. He was like a shell of the man I once knew.”

“Hmm…” the boy paused before turning away from the window and to me. “Sorry, my name is Eren by the way. After all these days, I figure I should probably introduce myself.” he smiled as he held his hand out to me, and I was grateful for the change of subject.

I took his hand and shook it as I spoke, “Levi. And sorry I’ve taken this corner for as long as I have. I never really stay this long, but I was in the zone.”

“Ah yes, the zone. I know how that is.” he said with a laugh after he had pulled his hand back away from mine. “What are you majoring in?”

I shook my head slowly and shrugged. “Well, I’m kind of all over the place now considering I lost a year, so…” I trailed off, frowning. “I have to rework everything, basically. So nothing right now. I’m taking a lot of classes I took in my first year.”

“What year are you in?”

“Well, it should be my third, but it’s my second. But a lot of classes I’ve done, so it feels like it’s my first year all over again.” I muttered, furrowing my brow as I felt another headache coming on. I sighed quietly and took the last sip of my tea. “But I should really go home. I’m getting tired.”

I reached for my bag and slid it over my head before grabbing my cane. Eren stepped back a bit as I slid from my seat, and as I was about to stand up, I felt my legs start to shake under my weight.

“Fuck…” I mumbled, closing my eyes as I sat on the edge of the seat.

“Are you okay?” I heard Eren ask quietly, as to not draw attention.

I took a deep breath and nodded. I wasn’t okay, but I barely knew the kid and I didn’t want to trouble him more than I already had. There was way more he could be doing than watching over me.

I hung my head as I slouched forward, feet firmly on the ground as I stayed in the chair. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Eren shift his weight from one leg to the other and it was then that I looked back up to him. There was still concern written over his face and I couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped my mouth.

“You’re not okay.” he stated simply, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” I mumbled, sitting up a little more. “I’ve been sitting too long.”

I watched as Eren moved his arm up to scratch the back of his head before turning back to the counter. The cafe had completely cleared, and the sun falling behind the trees in the distance as the street lights flickered on. I stayed still for a few moments before turning to my bag, pulling out the bottle of painkillers from the side pouch.

“Can I grab a glass of water?” I asked quietly, popping the lid off and pulling out a tablet.

I watched as Eren quickly nodded and took the empty mugs from the table and walked towards the counter. I kept my eyes on the boy as he moved around the back expertly, putting things away and grabbing a glass to fill with the filtered water they had next to the espresso machine. Within seconds he was setting the glass down on the table next to me.

After swallowing the pill and the majority of the water, I set the glass down and offered the boy a small smile.

“Thank you.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eren asked once again, and I rolled my eyes which sent another shooting pain through my head causing me to wince.

“Peachy keen, jelly bean.” I groaned, moving my hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose. “My fucking body is just deciding to test me. Let’s check the legs; does this hurt? Yes. Let’s check the brain; does this hurt? _Yes._ ”

“Hmm…” I heard Eren’s voice and I peeked my eyes open to look up at him. His eyes were on the counter, squinting. “Do you need a hand? Do you drive?”

I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “Are you trying to hitch a ride?”

Eren’s head whipped back in my direction and the face he pulled was almost comical. “No, I don’t need a ride. I was going to ask if you needed a ride. My shift is over in half an hour if you can wait.”

“Do you pick up strangers and drive them places often?” I drawled, leaning against the back of the seat.

The boy in front of me rolled his eyes and he crossed his arms across his chest. “Well, no. I’ve seen you nearly every day for the past week or something though, and we introduced ourselves to one another so I don’t think I could really consider you a stranger. Now, Levi, would you like a ride?”

I bit the inside of my lip and sighed. I really wanted to say no. I really wanted to walk home on my own, but with the pain shooting through my legs and my head, I knew that it wasn’t wise. If the sun was still up, maybe. It was definitely not wise in the dark. And so finally, I slowly nodded.

“Yes please.”

A small smile spread across Eren’s face, and I couldn’t help but shake my head at the self-satisfied expression. “Would you like anything while you wait?”

I raised my eyebrow as I slowly turned back to the table to sit properly. “A new body would be nice.” I mumbled, leaning forward to rest my head in my hands.

“Jean is in the back, I can see if I can kill him and Google how to do a full body transplant.” he said, turning to go back to serve a couple that had just walked through the doors. I couldn’t hide the laughed that escaped with the comment.

Despite the fact that I had an extra thirty minutes to work on my homework, I found myself killing time with my phone. My head was pounding, and it was difficult to concentrate on anything. I scrolled mindlessly through various social media until I felt a presence standing beside the table. I glanced up from the dimly lit phone and saw Eren out of his apron and in a black leather jacket over top of a red plaid button up. On his head he had pulled on a simple black beanie.

And the sight was not what I was expecting and I had to stop myself from staring at the transformation. Sure, the kid was good looking in his work clothes, but dang.

“You ready to go?” Eren finally asked, pulling his keys out of his jacket pocket.

I nodded and twisted in the seat, trying to push myself up onto my feet. My legs were still shaking under my weight, but I managed to get up and put the majority of my weight on my cane. I closed my eyes and shuffled my feet, trying to stretch my legs after having sat for as long as I had.

I slung my bag over my shoulder once more before looking over to Eren with a weak smile. “Ready.”

Eren moved to the doorway and I slowly shuffled behind him. He pushed the door open and held it while I made my way out after him. He kept his pace slow as I followed behind him, not knowing where he parked at all. I hoped it was close.

With the sun down, the fall air was crisp on my warm skin. It was welcomed with open arms.

Thankfully, Eren was parked in front of the next shop and the lights flashed as he unlocked the door. He quickly stepped ahead of me to open the passenger side door, and I watched with slight disgust as he pushed empty soda bottles off of the seat to accommodate me instead. I wasn’t about to complain; he was doing this without me asking.

I hobbled up to the side of the car and threw my cane in first, followed by my bag. With the help of the handle above the door on the inside of the car, I swung myself into the seat and sat down slowly. I took a deep breath in before slowly letting it out as my body relaxed. It wasn’t a long walk, but with the stress of along day, it felt like it was a five mile hike.

Once Eren saw that I was seated, he closed the door and moved around to the drivers seat and starting the car as soon as he was buckled in.

“Where about’s do you live?” he asked once he had pulled out of the parking spot.

I squinted out the window a bit and quietly directed him. I told him the turns to take and without the traffic, it took less than five minutes. But what happened when we arrived surprised me.

Eren turned into the driveway for the underground parking. I was about to open the door to get out when I realized that the garage doors were opening. With a furrowed brow, I slowly turned my head towards the boy in the driver’s seat.

“What?” I managed to get out, and I could see a small smirk on the boys face.

“It’s a small world, isn’t it?” he asked, driving into the parking garage once the doors had opened all the way. I kept my eyes trained on him as he moved through the lot until he reached his assigned spot, which happened to be only a few down from my own. My empty spot that once housed my bike.

“Have you always lived here?” I asked, unsure of what just happened.

“For the past few months, yeah. Since the beginning of summer.”

I blinked slowly and opened the door. With a million thoughts on my mind, crawling out of the passenger seat didn’t even phase me and I realized soon that I was standing with Eren, cane in one hand and my bag on my opposite shoulder.

“What floor do you live on?” I asked as we walked to the elevator at the end of the lot.

“Fifth.” he said, pocketing his keys.

I squinted at the floor as we continued to walk, finally stopping at the elevator door.

“What the fuck?” I muttered, pressing my free hand against my face. This was all too weird.

“What?” Eren asked, pressing the button for the lift. The doors opened automatically and we walked in. I watched as Eren hit the button for the fifth floor and I sighed softly, leaning against the wall. “What floor are you on?” he asked, pointing to the numbers.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “The fifth.”

“What the fuck?”

The laughter bubbled up even louder at his twin reaction and I slowly shook my head. “This is too weird.” I mumbled, letting my head rest against the elevator wall.

“And you have always lived here?”

I shrugged a bit as the elevator came to a jerking halt on the fifth floor. “Well, since I started at the university. And other than the few months I was in the hospital…”

Eren and I walked out of the elevator and walked down the hall towards our own apartments. I reached into my bag to grab my keys out of the side pouch opposite the one that held my medication. Half way down the hallway I finally stopped in front of my door, glad to see it. I turned to Eren who… 

“Are you actually serious right now?” I asked, watching as he slid his key into the door across from mine.

He stayed quiet as he turned the key in the lock before pushing it open.

I blinked and shook my head. “Our schedules clearly do not match up at all.” I muttered, unlocking my own door. “But, thank you for tonight. I really appreciate the help.” I said, turning to him properly once I pushed open the door.

Eren grinned at me and nodded. “Of course. And now that we are no longer strangers, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

A small smile found it’s way onto my face and I nodded. And with all the sincerity I could muster, I once more thanked him before turning to walk into my apartment. As soon as my door was closed and locked, I closed my eyes and fell back against the wall.

Today was too much. My body was wearing down, and I was thankful for there being no classes for the next couple days. I needed all the time I could get to recuperate.


	4. Hello, I'm In Delaware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my oh my I totally did not mean for this to take this long I am so sorry. I was determined to get it up this week though, as I won't be able to work on anything until next week! This chapter made me smile a lot writing and I'm really excited about it, even if its pretty, well, cheesy? Let's go with cheesy.
> 
> Thank you thank you for all the kudos and comments and everything!! They make my day ^___^
> 
> Enjoy!!

The week following the night that Eren drove me home had been a nightmare. I had thoroughly believed that I could recover over the weekend by staying in the apartment, but that just wasn’t how it worked out. By Monday I had emailed my teachers to let them know what was going on, and I was so relieved to have them understand the circumstances behind why I couldn’t leave my apartment.

The Monday following that, I found myself seated in a very white, very sterile room on a bench covered with paper.

I looked up from my feet when I heard the door open. A tall man with a beard and glasses walked in holding a clipboard in front of him. His brow was furrowed as he read and closed the door behind him. It was strange, though, considering the man had been with me since the beginning. He’d been my doctor for years prior to the accident.

“Levi!” he finally said, glancing up from the clipboard with a small smile on his face. “I’d say it is good to see you, though I wish it was under different circumstances.” he laughed softly and set the clipboard down on the small supply counter beside the bench that I was sitting on. He sat himself down on a stool and looked up at me. “What’s going on?”

I bit the inside of my lip and closed my eyes. It was an easy enough thing to explain, but the past few days had brought on more pain and it had been difficult to think straight.

“I’m starting to think the pain meds aren’t strong enough.” I finally managed to get out slowly. Thankfully, the good doctor knew exactly what my problem was and was patient with me, where as some people I had talked to within the past year would get angry.

I peeked my eyes open and saw the man eyeing the clipboard again with his hand on his chin. “What is the pain doing? Do you have an idea of what triggered it?”

I took a deep breath and tried to think.

“Last Friday, or rather…” I trailed off and shook my head. “The Friday before last, I think I overextended my time out. I had class, and I went and did some homework and then I got held up with other things. Maybe I sat too long without working my legs, but I am thankful that I was able to get a hand getting home that night because it was difficult to walk.” I took another deep breath as a pain shot though my head, and my eyes flew shut immediately. “And the headaches are getting worse.”

“Hmm…” he trailed off and I once more opened my eyes to see that he had the clipboard back in his hands. “We had you with Vicodin and Demerol just to go back and forth with, I see.” he tapped his pen gently against the paper as he looked deep in thought. I wasn’t about to interrupt him. He looked back up at me after a few moments before reaching into his jacket pocket for a pad of paper. “Alright, Levi, here is what we are going to do. I want you to keep going between the Vicodin and the Demerol, but I’m gonna prescribe you a stronger Vicodin. Continue to go back and forth between those safely. I’m also going to prescribe you Oxyco-“

“What?” I didn’t want to have anything to do with drugs like that.

The doctor almost laughed at my reaction and shook his head. “Hear me out. I’m going to prescribe it to you, but only for ten tablets. If the pain gets really bad, I want you to take one instead of the Vicodin, okay? I trust your judgement and I know you wouldn’t get reckless with them.”

I was apprehensive about it, though I couldn’t necessarily complain considering I _did_ come to get stronger painkillers. Just the name only brought the nerves.

“Okay.” I finally agreed, nodding. I knew there was no way to fight him on his decision, and he _was_ giving me to the option to take it only if I needed it.

I watched as his pen continued to fly across the pad of paper before ripping the sheet off. He stood up soon after and handed it over.

“Is there anything else that has been troubling you?” he asked, looking me over.

I slowly shook my head. “Just been in pain. Everything else seems to be in working order.”

The man smiled once again and set the clipboard under his arm before holding out the opposite hand.

“Well even under these circumstances, it was good to see you, Levi.”

With a nod, I reached up and shook the man’s hand.

“Thank you, Dr. Jaeger.”

And with that, the man walked to the door and slipped out and I was left alone once again in the overly sterile, overly white room.

—————

After a quick trip to the pharmacy, it wasn’t long before I was back in the safety of my apartment. Petra had driven me to and from my appointment, as she normally did, and I was forever grateful. The girl had done so much for me in the last year, and I felt like I owed her my entire life.

After finally dropping me off at my apartment, and after thanking her upward a million times, I finally hobbled myself and my new drugs up to my place. It was still the middle of the day by the time I had collapsed on my couch, and I sighed loudly as I attempted to get my body to relax. There was a million things I needed to do for school work, and after being out of classes for a week, I really could not afford to fall completely behind.

I stayed still for a little while before pushing myself up on the couch to grab my laptop that sat on the coffee table alongside a few textbooks. After opening the lid of the computer, I moved through the motions to open my school email to check in on what the teachers had sent me, though it wasn’t much since the last time I checked.

With another sigh, I closed my email and opened the word document with my English paper and decided to get a move on with it. I had the outline already finished, it was just a matter of filling in the blanks.

I managed to get a couple paragraphs sort of filled out before my head started to noticeably buzz with pain. I closed my eyes for a few moments, hoping the pain would subside though it only worsened as I continued to acknowledge it.

With a quiet grumble, I pushed myself off the couch after setting the laptop back on the table. Without the help of my cane, I waddled myself to the kitchen where I had thrown the bag of medication on the counter, not even caring how out of place it was. I rubbed my face before diving into the white paper bag, pulling out the three small pill bottles. I squinted at the lettering on the labels and sighed quietly, shaking my head. I set the Oxy down right away, not wanting to have anything to do with it for as long as possible, before setting the Demerol down beside it. I twisted the childproof cap on the Vicodin lid before popping it open to knock two tablets into my hand.

As soon as they were washed down with a glass of water, I sighed contently as I waited for the drug to work, though I was shaken from my thoughts when there was a knock at my door.

I frowned a bit as I turned my head to the entryway of the apartment. I hadn’t been expecting anyone.

With the help of the counter, I shuffled myself towards the door and pulled it open without bothering to attempt to see through the peephole. And my eyes widened as they met with green ones.

“Hey. I brought you dinner!” the boy exclaimed as he held out a brown paper bag. My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at it, before moving up to look at the boy’s face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” I asked, turning my head back to the kitchen to see the time on the stove. It was just after six.

“I only had a morning class today, so I worked earlier and got off earlier…” he explained, biting the inside of his lip and shaking the bag carefully in front of him.

I reached up and finally took it from him before peeking inside. There was a white bowl with a lid covering it, and with my hand resting underneath, I could feel the heat radiating from it.

“Is this what I think it is?” I asked after a moment before glancing up to Eren who was still standing in the doorway, looking rather flushed for one reason or another.

He slowly nodded and a small smile formed on his lips. “Yeah. You haven’t been in since I brought you home, which I hope isn’t why…”

He trailed off and I, somehow, quickly spat the words out of my mouth. “Its not you, don’t worry about that.”

And with the words, I saw the taller boy visibly relax before concern made it’s way onto his face. “Are you alright, though?”

I took a deep breath and stepped back slightly to lean against the wall. The standing was starting to get to me, although I could feel the painkillers slowly start to kick in for my headache.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I muttered, not really wanting to get into the details with someone I barely knew, although there was part of me that wanted to tell him all the same. He had been so kind, and he still continued to be, though I still didn’t know a single thing about him. It wasn’t the right time to tell him what was happening.

But the answer seemed to let him relax once more and another smile appeared on his lips. He nodded slightly and stepped back from the doorway.

“Well, enjoy the soup. And again, don’t hesitate to come over if you need anything.”

I frowned slightly, not really wanting him to leave just yet. Especially after he had brought me dinner. As he stood in front of his own door, searching for his keys in his jacket, I called out, “Eren?”

The boy turned around slightly with his key right in front of the lock. “Hm?”

I closed my eyes slowly, trying to get my words to work. They never failed to fail me at times like these. With a furrowed brow, I let out a frustrated grunt before finally, “Do you want to come and watch a movie?”

My eyes opened just as I saw Eren’s widen slightly. I wasn’t sure if his reaction was to how I spoke, or the question itself but it didn’t last long and yet another bright smile found its way onto his face.

“Sure, that sounds good.” he said softly, pushing his key into the door once he turned back around. “I’m going to change though so I’m not in my work clothes.”

I slowly nodded and watched as he pushed the door open, and I had a glimpse of his apartment. “I’ll leave the door unlocked, just walk in.” I said, reaching for the door with my free hand.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

And with that, both doors closed at the same time and for some reason, my heart was pounding. Why was it pounding?

I pushed myself off of the wall and made my way back into the kitchen to grab a spoon and to refill the glass that I had used to take my medicine with water. Deciding I had everything, I took it all into the living room and set it down beside my laptop, which I moved away and closed so I’d have more room for my food.

After sitting back down and setting the television up with the Apple TV, I began scrolling through Netflix. I wasn’t sure what kind of movies Eren was into but as soon as my eye caught one, it was game over and the kid would have no choice in the matter. I turned it on to load while I waited for him to join me.

Not much longer after I had sat back against the couch I heard the apartment door open and close quietly.

“I’m in here.” I called out as I shifted slightly on the couch, sort of kicking myself that the apartment wasn’t as clean as I had hoped.

Eren walked around the corner from the entry way and I could see his eyes moving around as he took in the surroundings.

“It’s the complete opposite set up from my apartment.” he mumbled quietly as he stepped over to the couch to sit down beside me, setting a green water bottle in his lap. He turned to me almost immediately with a raised eyebrow. “What are we going to watch?”

A small smirk found it’s way onto my lips as I turned towards the television.

“It’s a classic. It’s one of my favourite movies and I didn’t realize it was on Netflix.” I said as I reached for the remote. “It’s a movie I’ve seen a dozen times and it never gets old.”

“Oh? Now I am definitely intrigued.”

The smirk on my face only broadened as the movie started, and I stayed quiet. Until…

“Wayne’s World?”

I turned to look at Eren once he had spoken and his eyed had widened as he looked back at me. 

“Yes, of course. Do you have any complaints?” I asked, reaching for the remote in case this was a no go on the movie. But to my relief, he slowly shook his head.

“No, it’s just that…” he trailed off as he turned his attention back to the movie. “When I was younger, me and my best friend — who is also my roommate so you’ll probably bump into him one day — we used to think how awesome it would be to have our own show like these guys…”

I raised my eyebrow and shifted slightly on the couch beside Eren as he spoke. As he explained his childhood dream that he had had with his friend, I couldn’t stop the chuckle or the words escaping my mouth.

“That’s cute.”

As the movie progressed, we stayed quiet as we sat side by side. That was until, of course, Bohemian Rhapsody. After singing back and forth to each other, we got lost in a small fit of laughter.

“You always have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody!” Eren said as the song came to a close.

“No, I totally agree.” he managed to get out as I wiped a tear from my eye. “It’s an unwritten law. And if you do not sing, you pretend to sing.”

“And if you don’t pretend to sing, you get the hell out of my apartment!”

“Exactly!”

And from then, we stayed quiet aside from one or two quotes back and forth throughout.

“Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?” Eren turned to me and asked as I slowly shook my head before reaching up and pushing his face away. “Hey!”

“She’s a babe.” I muttered a little while later, matching my voice along side Wayne’s. And Eren did not disappoint in continuing.

“She’s magically babelicious.”

I turned my head up to look at Eren and smirked as he looked back at me. “She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.”

And although I was quoting the movie, as the younger boy turned his head away, I could have sworn I saw a pink tinge on his cheeks. That only made the smirk on my face grow more.

From then on we stayed quite as the movie played out. I finally got around to eating my neglected soup, all while asking Eren if he had eaten. He assured me he had food at work, and I felt less guilty about eating in front of him.

It was a rare feeling, but I was actually quite sad that the movie ended. It had been just a movie, but Eren and I had fun. At least, I thought we had fun. It had been a long while since I had sat and relaxed with someone and watched a movie. It was laid back with absolutely no stress. It was everything I needed, and even the pain in my body had subsided for that hour and fifteen minutes. And I was thankful, and sort of didn’t want the boy to leave just yet, but…

“Thank you for having me over, Levi.” Eren said as he stood up from the couch, stretching his arms above his head with a quiet groan. “Next time we should totally watch the sequel.”

As bummed as I was about him leaving, I nodded and let a smile show. “That we should.”

I pushed myself up off of the couch and winced as the pain from sitting for an extended period of time hit me. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t deal with, but it was unpleasant nonetheless. I followed behind Eren as he walked to the door with his green water bottle in hand. I could now see the lemon wedges floating around the bottom. 

He opened the door before turning around to look at me as I leaned against the doorframe at the kitchen.

“Before I go, is there anything you need?” he asked, and my eyes widened. He was far too kind to me, and I had no idea why.

I slowly shook my head. “No, I’m good. Thank you though. I really do appreciate it.”

Eren laughed quietly and nodded, stepping out the door. “Have a good night, Levi. I hope I see you at the cafe soon.”

I slowly nodded and moved towards the door so I could close it. “I’ll try to make it there soon. I’m doing a lot better.”

Eren’s smile widened and he nodded before walking across to his apartment. I watched as the boy walked inside and closed the door behind him before closing my own. I sighed quietly and locked up before making my way back to the living room.

I’m not sure what I was feeling, but it was different. The boy was kind, and sweet and caring and I would be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive. He was very attractive. With his bright green eyes and his soft looking brown hair. And the way he laughed, and smiled. The way he spoke…

I collapsed onto my back on the couch and flung my hands over my face before groaning.

Fuck.


	5. This Is Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still with me, I am so sorry this took as long as it did. I've been busy and sick and I just haven't had the energy to pump out anything. I'm not happy with this chapter, or how most of it is written but I needed to get it out there so I could move on. I hope the next chapter won't take forever to do.

Things had slowly started to go back to normal after the night of Wayne’s World. My pain levels were back under control thanks to the stronger medication, and with sheer will power, I had managed to stay away from the Oxy that sat securely at the bottom of my backpack.

By some miracle, I managed to catch up in all my my classes over a two week frame, and the holidays were welcoming me with open arms. However, despite how close they were, classes were still in session as the cool fall days turned into a level up from the ice kingdom.

“What are you doing for Halloween?” Eren asked excitedly as he set down my tea and my soup not even a minute after I had sat down at my usual table.

I looked up at him after setting my cane to the side with a raised eyebrow. His eyes were wide as he looked back at me and a large grin took up the majority of his face.

“Not much…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “I will probably come here, do some work and go home like every other night.”

“There’s this party that I’m going to, you should definitely come.”

I gave him another glance as I reached for my tea before shaking my head. As much as we had talked in the past few weeks, the story of how I got to be the way I was was not one of the topics. Partying wasn’t something I was down for anymore.

“What are you going to dress up as?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from more invitations.

Eren hummed quietly and out of the corner of my eye I could see him standing with a hand across his chest and the other bent up to rest on his chin. “We haven’t decided yet, really.” he finally said, dropping his arms once again. “Which we should, since we are running out of time.”

“Have there been any suggestions that have stuck with you?” I took a sip of my tea after asking, looking back up to Eren.

“Well….” I watched as the boy turned around to look at the other, taller boy standing behind the counter. “Jean suggested that we go as slutty Powerpuff Girls with Armin, but I don’t think Armin would be down with that.” he turned back around to face me with his nose scrunched up. “I think it would be hilarious, honestly, but it really wouldn’t go over with Armin. He’s very shy.”

“Armin is your roommate?”

“Yeah, the very same.”

I hadn’t yet met the roommate, but from what I had heard, him and Eren were close like brothers and very different from one another.

I sat back in my seat and looked Eren up and down, and as my eyes made their way back to his face I could see a small red tint growing on his cheeks. With a small smirk I sat back up and rested my elbows on the table.

“I do agree that the Powerpuff Girls would be great.” I started, reaching for the spoon beside my bowl of soup. “But if Armin won’t be comfortable, do something that won’t need a group of three.”

“Do you want to be a slutty Powerpuff Girl?” Eren asked after a moment, nearly causing me to spit out my soup. 

With great difficulty, I swallowed my spoonful and shook my head. “Hell no. No one needs to see all this.” I gestured to my body with my free hand while shaking my head. “If I’m dressing up, I’ll throw on a pair of cat ears or something.”

Eren sighed quietly and I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. “You’re no fun, Levi.”

I shrugged a bit at the statement because there was no arguing the fact; I was no fun.

I watched as Eren turned his head at the sound of the bell above the front door of the cafe and his shoulders sagged before turning back to me.

“I’ll talk to you later, Levi. I think Jean might actually need my help.” he said as he nodded to the group that had walked through the door.

I nodded slowly and watched as the boy quickly retreated back to behind the counter to get to work. With a quiet sigh, I shifted in my seat and continued to eat my soup which had cooled down enough to eat. And even on the cool side, it was still delicious.

And the following week continued just like that. Finish classes, head to the cafe, talk to Eren and do homework. It was like clockwork. A few days I left earlier than others as the pain got unbearable, but I continued with my daily life just like I had before.

“Please come to the party? It’s at Jean’s place now. It got moved from another place since there is more space at Jean’s. Please come?” Eren asked for what felt like the millionth time the night before Halloween.

I looked up at him as I held my tea up to my lips before closing my eyes. He had decided to take his break and sit with me when I had arrived and as much as the company was nice, he had been nagging about the party all week.

“Eren…”

“Levi, it will be fun. Our parties are normally really fun and-“

“Eren, I don’t doubt that.” I muttered, cutting him off as I put my tea back down. “It’s just a very tough thing for me to do these days, that’s all.”

I sat back and slouched a bit in my seat as Eren stared back at me with a questioning stare.

“What do you mean? The pain? I’ll be there to make sure you’re okay all night. The first sign of pain, you don’t have to stay.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, despite the fact that he was way off on the reason, but it was a heavy subject I didn’t want to discuss, especially while he was still at work.

“That being said, I think it would be best if I stay home.” I finally said, catching Eren scrunch his nose at me which caused me to chuckle quietly.

“You’re such a bore, Levi.”

“Honestly, tell me something I don’t already know. And yet you keep talking to me.”

I looked up as I heard Eren shifting in the seat across from me before standing up. His cheeks had flushed a light shade of red and I raised my eyebrow, though it didn’t last long as Eren’s next words caught me off guard.

“My break is over, I will see you later.” he mumbled quickly before turning on his heel to retreat to the back of the cafe and out of sight.

I frowned a bit as I turned back to the table before hitting the home button on my phone to see the time. It had only been fifteen minutes since he had sat down with me, and I knew full well he had a full half hour. Between leaving abruptly and his flushed face, he was definitely hiding something. Though as I tried to think of it myself, a sharp pain shot through my head and I winced with a quiet groan. It was going to be a night where I’d get no homework done.

—————

Walking into the cafe on Halloween was weird. The place was deserted, as most students were heading to parties and other events for the night. I walked up to the counter and ordered a cup of tea from an older woman.

“No plans tonight, dear?” she asked with a kind smile as she took my money and put it away.

I slowly shook my head and offered a small smile of my own. “Not tonight, no. Just thought I’d get something warm before going home.” I mumbled, hobbling over to the end of the counter to wait for my tea.

“Did you want it to go?” the woman asked, looking up from tearing open the tea bag pouch.

I paused for a moment before nodding. With the cafe as empty and quiet as it was, home did sound a lot more relaxing.

A few minutes later I was back outside and on my way back home. Though I had only made it to the end of the block when a car pulled up next to me. I turned my head and squinted before realizing that my legs didn’t work and I couldn’t run.

“Levi! What are you doing tonight?”

I turned away from the car and continued my journey to my apartment, all the while the car continued to stay next to me.

“Nothing with you, Erwin.” I finally said, trying to quicken my pace as much as it pained me. And it must have shown on my face.

“Are you okay? Do you want a lift? We are going to the same place after all.”

My pace slowed slightly, but I had no intention of getting into that car.

“What are you talking about? You’re not going to my place.” I muttered, keeping my eyes locked on the destination in front of me.

“Well, not your place but your apartment.” Erwin corrected himself, keeping one eye on the road. “I have a delivery.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Good to know you haven’t stopped selling yet, Erwin.” I spat, turning the corner towards the apartment.

“It’s money!”

I rolled my eyes once again despite the pain that it brought and kept my focus on the apartment. I was in no mood to fight with Erwin, even though there were a million things I wanted to yell at him. I did not have the energy.

And I was most thankful when I had finally made it to the front doors of the apartment, though not so thankful knowing that Erwin was right behind me after getting out of his car. After moving my cup from my free hand to my cane hand, I pushed my key into the door and stopped before turning around to look up at the taller man.

“Who are you delivering to?” I asked as a realization struck. I knew the answer, and if I was wrong, I was going to be surprised.

“That kid from the coffee shop.”

I closed my eyes and nodded before reaching out my free hand, palm up. “I’ll take it to him, you go home.”

“He hasn’t paid me yet. How do I know it’s going to go to him?”

My eyes flew open and I glared at the man in front of me. “I am pretty sure that in the years I’ve known you, I’ve given you enough.” I muttered, shaking my hand as if to tell him to hurry up. “And, in all the years I’ve known you, I surprisingly haven’t lied to you, unlike you. He’ll get it.”

Erwin’s glare matched mine in that moment but he grumbled quietly to himself as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a zip lock bag that was rolled up with a rubber band and placed it in my hand.

“If he doesn’t get it-“

“Go home, Erwin.” I said, cutting him off as I shoved the weed into my jacket pocket. And without another word, I turned back around to open the front door to the apartment and walked inside.

I made it to the fifth floor a few minutes later and sighed as I wandered down the hall before stopping in front of Eren’s door. I knocked quietly and waited. I could hear shuffling on the other side and the lock clicking before the door slowly opened. What I saw, though, made me want to laugh out loud. Though, considering I had never met the boy standing in front of me, I managed to hold it back.

“Hello?” the boy greeted with a questioning tone. He had blond hair covering what I could see of his head, which was otherwise covered in a hood with the likeness of Winnie the Pooh. My eyes darted down to see the rest of his costume and a small smirk found it’s way onto my lips.

“Is Eren here, Pooh bear?” I asked, cocking my head to the side as I watched the boy’s face flush considerably.

“E-Eren!” The boy called, leaving the door open as he retreated back into the apartment.

“Hang on!” I could hear Eren somewhere in the back of the apartment.

Winnie the Pooh came back around the corner, still red faced. “You can come in, sorry about that.” he mumbled quietly, pulling the door open more to let me in. “You’re Levi, right?” he asked once I had stepped through the door, closing it behind me.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m Levi. I’m gonna guess you’re Armin.”

The blond gave a shy laugh and nodded. “That would be me.” he said quietly as he lead me towards the living room.

The apartment was very similar to mine, but backwards in design. And it was surprisingly tidy.

“Are you coming to the party?” Armin asked as he moved to sit on a rather tattered recliner across from the couch.

I slowly shook my head and sat on the edge of the couch, not wanting to get comfortable as I had no intention of staying long. I fiddled with the cup of tea that had cooled down considerably since I had bought it before taking a sip.

“I didn’t plan on it. I’m just here to give something to Eren.” I explained, pulling the bag Erwin had given me out of my jacket pocket.

I watched as Armin furrowed his brow and shook his head. “You’re not his dealer, are you?” he asked, lowering his voice.

I quickly shook my head with widened eyes and Armin relaxed slightly. “No, I ran into him outside. I happen to know the guy and actually, somehow, cut Eren a deal…” I trailed off, eyeing the bag in my hand.

“Sorry about that.” Eren’s voice made it’s way into the room and when I looked up, my eyes widened at the sight.

“What in god’s name are you wearing?” I blurted out, causing Armin to giggle quietly in his chair, covering his face with his Winnie The Pooh paws.

Eren looked down at his outfit, or lack of an outfit before looking back to me with his head tilted. “What do you mean?”

I kept my eyes on him, unable to look away. All he was wearing was a pair of grey boxer briefs and a pair of round, grey ears on the top of his head. What finished the whole ensemble off was the uneven whiskers on his face.

“What are you supposed to be.” I finally asked, covering my mouth to stop any sort of laughter that wanted to escape.

Eren sighed, placing one hand on his hips while using the other to point at his ears. “I’m a mouse, _duh_.”

At his words, Armin loudly groaned and fell forward, pressing his face more into his paws all the while I couldn’t hold back the laughter any more.

“You didn’t just…” I managed to get out, but Armin beat me right to it.

“I knew watching Mean Girls the other night was a bad idea.”

“Hey! You wouldn’t be a Powerpuff girl with Jean and I so here I am.” Eren said, turning his attention to his roommate. “At least I’m not in a child’s Winnie the Pooh costume you bought earlier today.”

“Okay, first of all, I completely forgot Halloween was _this_ Friday, I thought I had way more time.” Armin shot back, pausing for a moment before continuing. “Also, this was all they had left at Target. At least I’m wearing clothes.”

Eren rolled his eyes before turning to me, where I was still sitting on the couch unable to get over the boy’s costume. “And what are you supposed to be.”

I stayed quiet for a moment, words leaving me as I really tried to _not_ be a creep. I tore my eyes away from Eren and looked everywhere but him as I spoke. “I’m Levi. Like every other day of the year.”

Eren let out a quiet whine and I could hear him move towards the couch. “Levi, please come to the party.”

I turned my head away from him as I felt the couch dip down beside me. “I don’t have a costume and I’m only here in place of Erwin.”

“Erwin? I thought you…”

I closed my eyes and forced myself to turn towards him. And when I opened my eyes once again, seeing Eren as close as he was made me want to jump off the couch and run. But that was impossible.

Instead, I sighed and threw the bag that was in my hand into the boy’s lap. “He more or less followed me home and it was creepy.” I mumbled, turning back away from him. “And seeing as you’re dressed like you are, I think it’s safe to say I made the right decision in stopping him from coming up here.”

“Er, I didn’t pay for this though.” he mumbled quietly and I turned back towards him.

“Yeah, I’m aware. Happy Halloween, or something.” I said with a shrug before shifting on the couch. “Anyways, you have a party to get to and I have an apartment to get to so…”

“No, Levi. You should definitely come to the party.” Eren said, grabbing my wrist as I stood up.

I turned around and frowned. “Why do you want me to come so badly?”

For a split second, Eren looked unsure of himself but the determination made its way back to his face instantaneously. “Because you can’t keep yourself holed up in your apartment. I don’t know everything that happened with you and with your accident, but you need to let loose. Have some fun for a change. Even if it’s for an hour or so, and I’ll make sure you’re okay.”

One half of me was fighting with the other. I did want to go to the party and spend time with Eren, especially while he was dressed the way he was but the I really didn’t want to go to the party because I hadn’t been to one in a very long time. Loud places, and lots of people made me uncomfortable these days. I didn’t know how much I could take.

And I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself in a very loud, very crowded living room with Eren’s arm around my waist, guiding me through the crowd of faceless strangers until we had made it to the kitchen. Between the door and the kitchen, Eren had lost his jacket and was back in his skivvies, showing his body to the world. He was greeting friends left and right before finally stopping at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink?” He asked, glancing over to me as he reached for one of the beers that had been shoved into a cooler of ice in the middle of the counter.

If I was going to make it through this night, I would have loved to have a beer or ten, but my conscience kicked in before I could screw myself over. “Water.”

Eren raised his eyebrow and nodded before reaching for a red cup from the stack beside the cooler. He pushed his way past a few people and filled the cup at the fridge before moving back to me. “Water.”

“Thanks.”

Surprisingly enough, Eren stuck by his word. He stayed by my side and if I needed a hand with anything, he was more than willing to help. Even has he got more and more intoxicated, he was there for me. There were a few instances where he left me to my own devices, but I could feel Armin’s gaze on me from across the room. I learned that he was just as, if not more uncomfortable than I was at parties. He had made the “ultimate sacrifice” (Eren’s words) in being the designated driver, and I was more than glad to have a set ride back home.

It was nearly midnight when Eren had left me again to step outside with a few others. A headache had started but it wasn’t to the point of being unbearable, so I continued to let Eren have his fun. I hobbled around the house and stepped into the kitchen. I set my empty water cup down on the counter and sighed quietly before finally giving into temptation and grabbing a bottle of beer from the cooler. If I nursed it, I’d be okay.

I escaped the kitchen as a large group of people walked in, and found solace on the stairs leading to the second floor. I set my cane down and let my head rest against the wall, closing my eyes. It was quieter than anywhere else in the house, and the headache made itself more known. I winced as a sharp pain shot across the side of my head and let my head fall forward, groaning quietly. I took a sip from my drink in hopes that the alcohol would help.

As I neared the end of my drink, the headache only grew worse and I knew I’d need to take my medication. If I only took one of the Vicodin, I should be okay. I knew painkillers and alcohol did not mix, but the headache was only growing worse.

I pushed myself off of the stairs and walked to the foyer where I had dropped my bag earlier. I dropped down to my knees and blindly grabbed the bottle from the bag before popping the pill into my mouth, washing it back with my beer.

It was going to be okay. I knew my bad choice would make me kick myself in the long run, but for now it was a temporary fix. I threw the bottle back in my bag before standing back up, leaning on my cane for support as I did so. I slowly shook my head as I tried my best to relax, knowing the pain would be dulled soon enough.

I wandered back into the kitchen and found Eren coming back inside from the backyard. He was laughing to himself until his eyes found mine and the grin on his face widened even more. It was actually quite adorable.

“That isn’t water, Levi!” he cried, pointing to the beer once he had walked up to me.

I shrugged and took the last swig of the drink before setting the empty bottle on the counter. “It was definitely not beer, no.” I said, turning my attention back to him. I could tell by the way he squinted at me that he was seeing everything through a cloud. “How are you feeling, Eren?” I asked as the boy stepped closer to me, which only made me step back against the counter.

“I’m feeling great, Levi.” he spoke quietly before wrapping his arms around me and letting his head fall against my shoulder. I raised my eyebrow slightly at the action but didn’t move. Eren hummed quietly to himself before finally pulling back.

“What was that for?” I asked, closing my eyes as a dizzy spell hit me.

“I wanted to do that for a while…” Eren trailed off, and his voice sounded far away but when I opened my eyes again, he was still standing in front of me. “Levi?”

The room had started spinning around the two of us and I slowly shook my head, closing my eyes again. There was something wrong, and I think I fucked up. I know I fucked up. A single Vicodin wouldn’t do this, even with alcohol. That much was true.

“Eren, take me to my bag please.” I muttered slowly. Within seconds, Eren was wrapping his arms around my waist and helping me to the foyer once again. Every time I opened my eyes, all I saw was a blur and keeping my eyes shut was the only way to keep my already scrambled brain in order.

I dropped down and through squinted eyes, I rummaged through my bag and grabbed the bottle I had thrown in not that long before. As my brain put the letters in order, I felt my stomach drop. This was not what I meant to take. My body wasn’t used to taking something so strong, especially with alcohol. I felt my body starting to shake and I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Levi? Are you okay?”

Eren’s voice brought me back to reality and I took a deep breath before nodding. I wasn’t going to ruin his night, even if I had ruined my own. I put the bottle back into my bag before turning to look up at him.

“Yeah. I just may need to go home. But you stay and have fun, I’ll call a cab.” I managed to get out, slurring only slightly. Though the frown on Eren’s face told me otherwise.

He crouched down to my level and placed his hand on my cheek, and despite him having far more drink than myself, he definitely had a good head on his shoulders. “Are you telling me the truth? We can all go, if you want to go home.”

I slowly shook my head as I squinted at him, trying to keep my focus on him and not the room spinning around us.

“I don’t want to ruin your night.”

Eren sighed quietly and closed his eyes, brushing his thumb across my face. “If I let you go home in a cab, I’d be worried. You’re clearly not okay. What happened?”

I really didn’t want to tell him. I really didn’t want to tell him how fucked up I was going to be. But with the way things were spinning, and the way he was looking at me with concern, I couldn’t leave him in the dark.

“I shouldn’t have had that beer. I haven’t drank since the accident. I thought I grabbed my Vicodin. I need to go home.”

The words I had said sounded right to me, but with the frown on Eren’s face I could only assume that it wasn’t making sense.

“Stay here.” was all I could understand as Eren stood up and left me sitting in the foyer. I nodded to myself and closed my eyes, trying to keep my thoughts processing clearly. I was going home. I was going to be okay. I was going home. I would get home in one piece.

What felt like forever, though I’m sure was only seconds, I opened my eyes to see Winnie the Pooh and Eren standing in front of me. Their voices were distant and I couldn’t understand them, but soon enough I felt strong arms wrapping around me, lifting me off of the floor. I instinctively wrapped my arms around Eren’s neck as he carried me out of the house and towards Armin’s car.

“We’ll be home in a few minutes.” Eren reassured me quietly, and I nodded against his shoulder as I felt my stomach churn. If I was going to be sick, I was going to wait until I was home. I wasn’t going to be sick now.

Everything from that point was a blur. From what I remembered, Eren held me in the backseat of the car until we were at the apartment. He carried me up to their apartment and laid me down on the couch before rushing me to the bathroom. I hazily remember gripping the toilet bowl for dear life as my stomach rejected the alcohol it wasn’t used to, and the painkiller I wasn’t used to taking. I shivered, and Eren brought me water and a blanket.

As the haze slowly started to clear, I realized that I was laying in a bedroom that I didn’t recognize. But strangely enough, I felt safe. There was light coming in from the door that was cracked open slightly and I could see that the walls were covered in posters. I turned my head to the side to see that I was definitely not alone. Eren was laying next to me with his eyes closed, steadily breathing as he slept. The whiskers that had been drawn on his face were smudged all over his cheeks and the mouse ears had been lost earlier in the night.

I shifted slightly and turned more towards him more, eyes moving over his peaceful looking face as he slept. I don’t know why I felt so safe with him, but I did. I still barely knew the kid, but something about him…

I moved my hand up to cup his cheek, brushing his warm skin with my thumb. His eyes fluttered open at the touch and my eyes widened, as though I was a deer caught in the headlights. I’d been caught.

But all he did was smile and close his eyes again. “I’m glad you’re okay.” he mumbled quietly, moving his own hand up to rest over mine that was still on his face. And I don’t know what my heart was trying to do, but I’m pretty sure it’d win gold in the Olympics. He pulled our hands away from his face, but instead of dropping mine back down, he moved his fingers to lock with my own.

And I couldn’t find any problem with it, so I let him continue as I felt my heart hammering against my chest.

“Thank you for helping me.” I spoke softly, squeezing his hand as I did so. “I didn’t want you to leave the party, you seemed to be having fun.”

His eyes opened once more, and even in the dim light I could see the vibrant colour. “I wanted to spend time with you, Levi.” the way he spoke, I could tell he was seconds away from falling back asleep. “I wanted to spend time with you, and I wanted to get to know you more. I didn’t mean to be outside for as long as I was.” He closed his eyes slowly as another smile found it’s way onto his face.

“I should go back to my apartment, though.” I mumbled quietly, not really _wanting_ to leave, but not wanting to assume that I was spending the night either.

I pushed myself up, though stopped once Eren’s hand tightened with mine and he whined. “No.”

“No?”

I glanced down at the boy to see one of his eyes open. He shook his head. “Don’t leave me.”

“But I won’t be that far. I live across the hall…” I stated, tilting my head to the side.

“That is too far. Stay here and let me spoon you.”

I couldn’t hold back the quiet laugh that escaped me. He had seemed so coolheaded as he took care of me, but it was obvious now that he was intoxicated. So, with a quiet sigh I fell back against the pillows. Eren took no time at all to crawl closer to me to wrap his arms around my middle, finally letting go of my hand.

“You’re a clingy drunk.” I muttered as I turned myself so my back was against his chest. I heard him laugh softly into my ear.

“Only with good looking boys.”

I felt my face flush and I was incredibly glad that the room was dark.

“Goodnight, Eren.” I finally said after a moment, only to be met with silence. The only thing coming from Eren was the steady pattern of his breathing against my neck.

And it was weird to say, but I hadn’t felt so at ease in a long time.


	6. My Sweet Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not where I wanted this to go, so while I try to rework the plot, the next chapter may take some time and I'm sorry. Somewhere I got derailed and I just need to get myself back on track <3 Until then, enjoy~

My eyes shot open the following morning and confusion took over my brain, causing a dull ache to start at the front of my head. My eyes closed again and a quiet groan escaped my lips, causing the arms that were wrapped around me to tighten. And then everything from the night before came flooding back, and I slowly started to relax and the dull ache subsided. It was definitely not something I was used to, waking up in the arms of someone else, but it was definitely not something I would complain about.

I laid there quietly for a few more minutes, trying to put everything in order. Lots of last night was a blur thanks to my own mistake, but the reason why I was in Eren’s bed was not. That was a choice I made with a clear head. It was something that I wanted to do on my own, with his invitation. And surprisingly, I didn’t feel sick anymore, nor did I feel tired. It was one of the better rests I’d had in a long time.

I was torn from my thoughts a few moments later as a very tired voice spoke up in my ear, “I’m glad you didn’t leave.” Eren’s tired voice was slurred and I could tell that he was still mostly asleep. A small smile made it’s way onto my face as I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks.

I had thought about leaving, but there was one part of me that told me to stay. And I was glad I did, as weird as it was considering I still barely knew anything about him.

I shifted around and slowly turned to face Eren who still had his eyes closed. My eyes moved over his face and even in the dim light of the room, he was incredibly good looking. The whiskers that he had drawn on the night before were smudged to the point that there were just black circles on his cheeks, but other than that he was flawless.

And it was then that my heart started hammering again, and my head started to ache again. And another groan left my lips as I pressed my head forward against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut.

Eren leaned forward and nuzzled his face into the top of my head and pulled me closer. And my heart continued to hammer against my chest so hard I was sure he could feel it, and my head continued to ache but despite the fact that I had known him for all of a couple months, I felt safe where I was. And as much as I normally preferred being alone, I didn’t want to leave the warmth of his bed. And the feeling I felt after he had left my apartment after watching the movie together came flooding back and there was no denying it; I had feelings for this kid.

But my thoughts were interrupted once more by Eren, who had turned his head to the side to press his cheek against my hair in order to speak. “I feel like your heart is trying to escape.” he mumbled, and my eyes flew open as I tried to pull back from Eren’s body. But being the larger of the two of us, he was able to keep me in place. “What are you thinking about?”

“Uh…” my voice cracked and I cleared my throat, pressing my face against his chest once more. I had no idea what to say. I didn’t know how to explain anything. I didn’t want to say anything to make things weird, or awkward. I definitely didn’t want to scare him away. It really didn’t help that my voice didn’t seem to want to work, and I found myself shaking my head.

“Are you okay?”

The truth was that I was more than okay, though slightly confused by the onslaught of feelings. What in the world was I supposed to do? We’d met at the cafe, and that was where the majority of our interactions took place aside from the movie night and last nights party. But the party last night, he was so dead set on me going there had to be something going through his mind as well. 

“Levi?”

I grunted quietly as I shook my head, trying to push everything aside. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about yet.

“I’m okay.” I finally got out, taking a deep breath in hope to calm my rapid heartbeat.

Eren shifted beside me a little and let his arms loosen around my body. I rolled onto my back and watched as the boy beside me sat upright. I took the chance while he was looking away to look him over. I’d seen enough of him after last night to last me a lifetime, but there was something about this moment that I felt was different. My eyes moved back up to Eren’s head as I watched him rub his cheeks. As he pulled his hands away from his face he groaned.

“I forgot about the whiskers.”

I couldn’t help the quiet laugh that escaped me as I sat up, wincing as an ache moved through my body. I had slept well, but I hadn’t had any painkillers since the night before.

“I need a new body.” I mumbled, twisting myself around to hang my legs over the edge of the bed.

I felt the bed move behind me under Eren was sitting beside me. I glanced over to him, seeing that his eyes were on me; the paint still smudged on his cheeks.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I am curious…” he trailed off, eyeing my legs before moving back to my eyes.

I shrugged a bit and turned my head away from him. I could easily tell him everything, but it wasn’t something I was ready to do. It wasn’t a story I told everyone. Petra and Hanji were the only two that knew all the details, and as far as everyone else was concerned, it was just an accident.

Which is was, but no details were given.

“Maybe I will tell you one day, Eren…” I trailed off, looking down to the floor as another ache moved through me. “For now I need to go back home.”

“Oh…”

I looked over to Eren, and I really wish I hadn’t. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked upset as he kept his eyes trained on the floor. There was no helping it, though. I really did need to get back to my apartment. I needed a shower, and I really needed to brush my teeth. However, I didn’t like seeing him like that either.

“Hey.” I reached over and grabbed his hand as I stood up. “Thank you for taking care of me last night. I really do appreciate it, and if you need me for anything, you know where I am.”

Eren looked up at me and a small smile spread across his face, his fingers tightening around my own. I offered a small smile back before standing up fully and spotting my cane and my bag by the door. Though, as I let go of his hand and moved to hobble myself over to my belongings, Eren tugged me back by the back of my shirt.

“Eren!” I cried as I fell back against him and onto his lap. “What the fuck?”

The boy under me chuckled quietly as he wrapped one of his arms around me to keep me in place, and before my head could wrap around the entire situation, I felt soft lips against mine. As always, it took me a few moments for my brain to register what was happening, and by the time I had understood, the kiss had ended. Eren frowned at the sight of my look of shock, which I quickly changed as I shook my head.

“What was that for?” I asked, finally finding the words.

Eren shrugged and moved his free hand up to brush through my hair, sending a chill down my spine. Which, in turn, sent pain through my legs causing me to cringe.

Eren immediately retracted his hand and mumbled, “Sorry. I am being too forward.”

My eyes closed and I shook my head. “That wasn’t your fault, Eren. My entire body is fucked up and it’s something you’re not used to. I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before turning myself back towards Eren, offering him a small smile. “I’ll fill you in on all of that when I am ready, okay?”

Thankfully, Eren nodded and loosened his grip on my waist. “Okay.”

I slid back off of his lap and tried once more to get to my belongings. I picked up my cane and my coat before throwing my bag over my shoulder. I hobbled out of the room with Eren trailing behind me as I walked to the door. My shoes were tossed haphazardly to the side by the door along with a few other pairs. I grabbed my keys from my jacket pocket before bending over to grab my shoes. I turned back around to Eren, who was leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

I stepped up to him once I knew everything was in my hands and stood up on my tip-toes to press a chaste kiss to his chin. “Again, thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Levi. I told you I’d take care of you.”

I nodded slowly and turned back around, After a short goodbye and an even shorter trip across the hall, I was back in my own apartment, ready to mull over all that had happened that morning.

—————

“You spent the night at his place? What happened?”

I sighed quietly and looked across the table to Petra, who looked as though she was on the edge of her seat. I had agreed to meet her for coffee a few days later to talk about what had happened on Halloween and after hearing about her night of fun, mine seemed incredibly dull in comparison. Though, by her expression I knew I was wrong.

“Well, when I woke up, I didn’t want to leave…” I took that moment to pick up my tea and sip the hot liquid.

“That’s unlike you.”

“You say that like it’s happened a lot.” I mumbled against the rim of the mug before setting it back down. “But I know what you’re implying, and it’s definitely not like me. But…” I trailed off, glancing around the cafe to make sure Eren wasn’t in earshot. I knew he was working, though it seemed today he was helping out in the kitchen.

“But?”

My eyes moved back and fell onto Petra’s. “It’s hard to explain…” I paused for a moment, closing my eyes. The conversation thus far had given me a headache, and Petra was well aware of the fact, but I wasn’t going to hold out on her when we had made it this far.

“Take your time, love.” she said softly, reaching across to hold her hand over mine. “There is no rush.”

I slowly nodded and felt myself relax a bit. I knew I had nothing to worry about. Petra had been there through thick and thin of my recovery, she knew what to expect.

“After a bad night like that, I mean before the accident…” I paused for a moment again as a pain shot through my skull causing me to wince. “Before the accident, after a party if it was bad, I always wanted to run away after spending the night with someone. And, sure, those nights were a little more intimate than Eren and I…” I stayed quiet for a moment as the words scrambled apart and I tried to get them back together. It felt like it was going to be a night of stronger medication, though taken more responsibly.

“You never wanted to get attached.”

I slowly nodded at Petra’s words before shrugging. “That, or I never felt that I could get attached to them. They were attractive in the moment and I wanted them, that’s usually how it went. As horrible as it sounds.” I frowned a bit at my own words before shaking my head. “That being said, though, when I woke up in Eren’s bed—“ My words were cut off by the very boy walking towards our table with a carafe in one hand and a mug in the other.

“Refill?” he asked, turning his attention to Petra after sliding the mug in front of me. A refill of tea that I never asked for, but it was definitely appreciated and I couldn’t hold the smile back as Eren reached over to fill Petra’s cup back up.

“Thanks, Eren.” I said softly, noting Petra’s eyes widen. It was true, in all the weeks that I had known the kid, I hadn’t once mentioned many details about him other than his name. “Hey, come here.” I said quickly as he was turning to leave.

Eren turned back around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Something wrong?” he asked, looking more at me than anything and I could feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks even though I tried to will it away. I shook my head.

“No, no. I just wanted to introduce you to Petra.” I said, nodding towards the girl across from me. “Petra, this is Eren.”

The confusion never left his face, but his eyes softened as he turned his attention to Petra. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Petra said softly before eyeing me, a scheming look in her eye. “And it’s good to put a face to a name.”

“W-what?” Eren stuttered, setting the carafe on the table in place of dropping it completely.

I leaned forward and pressed my face into my hands, groaning. “Petra, really?”

“Honestly, Eren. Your name’s only just been mentioned today, you have nothing to worry about.” the girl piped up and I sighed quietly behind my hands, wanting to hide until the other boy retreated back behind the counter. However, that didn’t seem to be his plan.

“Good things, I hope.” I heard him say before sliding into the seat beside me which stunned me into silence. My eyes were wide as I slowly turned my head to look at him. His attention was still fully on Petra.

“Nothing bad, I promise.”

The smile on his face could have brightened the darkest room and my heart decided right then and there it was time to act as though I had just finished a marathon. And it was then that Eren turned his attention to me so I could see that smile dead on, and god I needed sunglasses.

“You look so pleased with yourself.” I muttered quietly, rolling my eyes.

“I figured you’d be telling all the bad things about me, honestly.” he said with a shrug and I could only shake my head.

“Don’t you have a job to do. You don’t want Mr. Ed’s mom to find you sitting here.” I said, dropping my arms off the table and keeping my eyes on his.

The laugh that escaped the boy was music to my ears, despite the fact it was muffled as soon as his hand moved to cover his mouth. “Mr. Ed. Oh god, Levi.”

It took him a few moments to compose himself before nodding and pushing himself out of the seat. He picked his phone out of his apron momentarily before throwing it back into the pocket and turned back to me. “Will you be home later?”

I nodded slowly, turning my new mug of tea in my hands. “Yeah, we’re gonna go wander around the shops for a bit after we are done here.”

Eren nodded slowly before shifting on his feet, all of a sudden looking nervous. I raised my eyebrow at him, about to ask what was on his mind when he did something I wasn’t expecting. Especially with Petra across from me. His movements were so fast, I could have sworn I had imagined it, but by the look on Petra’s face and the shade of red on Eren’s face as he escaped to behind the counter, there was no denying it. He had stolen a kiss in a completely public place.

And my face was heated. And Petra’s face was filled with confusion. And I knew I would have to explain.

“That…” I trailed off, turning my head to see Eren walking through the door and into the back of the cafe, out of sight. “Um.”

“You really need to finish your story and explain because I’ve gone from somewhat with the program to completely lost.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before turning back to Petra.

“Where was I?” I finally asked, referring to the morning after Halloween story.

Petra stayed quiet for a moment before remembering. “You woke up in his bed.”

I thought back for a moment before nodding, remembering on my own as to where the story was going. “Right, I woke up in his bed feeling more refreshed than I have in well over a year. Like, that was the best sleep I’ve had since before the accident. And, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave him. He held me, and I felt safe. And I didn’t want to leave that safety, you know?”

She nodded slowly, reaching for the sugar at the end of the table to fix her refilled coffee. “What made you stay there? Were you still out of it?”

My eyes dropped from Petra’s face and down to my tea before I shook my head. “No, I had sorta been out of it until I got to their apartment and I was sick. Most of it got out of my system and I was pretty much okay. I mean, I can remember what happened from there. I came to my senses and I was in his bed, and he was laying beside me. He was drunk, but adorable. And I said I was going to go back to my apartment since the room wasn’t spinning, but he didn’t want me to go. And part of me even then didn’t want to go. And so I agreed to stay after he said he wanted to cuddle…”

“Whoa, whoa.” Petra shook her head, setting the coffee cup down that she was about to drink from. “Cuddle? Levi? Are you really Levi?”

I sighed quietly and closed my eyes. I did deserve what she was saying.

“Yes, I am really Levi. But, it’s something I can’t put my finger on. Something about him and I just…” I trailed off again, turning my head to look at the door that lead to the back of the cafe. “Something safe.”

“You really can’t explain it.” she finally said softly, and all I could do was shake my head. “Do you know what you want to do?”

I slowly shook my head again and turned my attention fully back to her. “I guess I need to talk to him about it. Because after what he just did, the feeling is definitely not one sided…”

“Definitely not. That boy definitely has the hots for a handsome cr-“

“Don’t even say it.” I cut Petra off with a glare, and all she could do was laugh. And with a soft sigh, I tried my best to change the subject.


	7. Purify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still trying to get this story back on track, hence why this chapter took so long. I'm sorry I'm sorry <3 If you are still with me, I hope you enjoy!

_The pain was back with a vengeance. My legs were so sore that I could barely move them and I was stuck lying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Tears were welling in my eyes and I wanted nothing more than to just be put out of my misery. My painkillers were too far out of reach and the more I tried to move my legs, the more the pain shot up my body. It didn’t help that my head was in on the pain, hurting so much that I was seeing double. Two lights on the ceiling, two televisions, four speakers. No matter how many times I tried to will myself to move, I was stuck, paralyzed by the pain. It was too much. It was too real. I had thought I’d been dreaming but it seemed so real. My phone was too far to call for help, everything was just out of reach._

_But then I heard the door open and close and I started to get worried. My door was never unlocked, and the only person with a key was at work right now. That, and Petra never showed up out of the blue. But the body that came around the door was the last person I wanted to see, which only gave away that this was definitely a dream. His dead looking face, greasy hair and his faded blue eyes stared down at me. I shuddered at the sight, because Erwin used to be so handsome. And he was dying from the inside out._

_“Are you in pain?” he asked, his voice warped. It sounded so close, but so far away._

_But I couldn’t find my voice, and I barely nodded my head. What was even going on?_

_Erwin reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a paper bag. He unwrapped it, and from the paper bag he pulled out a plastic bag, and within the plastic bag was green. And I knew what it was the second the smell hit my nose._

_“I can help you ease the pain, Levi.” Erwin said just above a whisper._

_And I knew that it would help, and I really, really wish that it wouldn’t. But this was a dream, and it wouldn’t help in a dream. And I didn’t want to go the way of not-prescribed drugs, no matter how tame they may be. No matter how much deep down I knew they would numb the pain; as tempting as that made them._

_“Let me help you, Levi. Just like you’ve helped me.”_

__But I haven’t helped you, Erwin. _I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream but my throat was tight. I couldn’t speak, I could only stare up to the man that was slowly falling apart in front of my eyes._

_The man sat down on the couch beside me, right on the edge. He turned to the table and put himself to work, skillfully rolling a joint with quick fingers. He licked the paper before rolling it completely and popped the end into his mouth. He reached into his other pocket and retrieved a lighter before lighting the end and inhaling deeply. The smell became more potent and I wanted to turn away, but I couldn’t._

_Erwin turned towards me after blowing the smoke from his mouth and took the joint from his lips. He moved it over to my own and smiled._

_“Trust me.”_

_I managed to shake my head. I hadn’t trusted Erwin in a long time._

_Though, as I felt the joint touch my lips, I closed my eyes and everything faded to black._

I shot up off of the couch, disregarding the ache in my head and my legs and gasped for air. I knew it was a dream, but I was relieved to find myself still in my apartment, without Erwin and without paralyzing pain.

I leaned forward and rubbed my eyes, trying to shake the horrible feeling that I was left with. But it was a dream, and I really had nothing to be worried about. Erwin wasn’t in the apartment and I was still functioning to the best of my ability. I was okay.

I sat back up straight and took a deep breath, only to frown as I exhaled. Something was off. It was a dream, I really shouldn’t have been able to smell that. Shifting slightly, I pushed myself off of the couch and grabbed my cane from where it was leaning against the armrest. Sniffing every couple seconds, the smell got stronger as I made my way to my door. I sighed quietly, glad that it wasn’t coming from inside my own apartment.

Though, just as I was turning to go back to the living room, there was an incredibly slow knock at my door.

“What the hell…” I trailed off, mumbling to myself as I turned back around.

I moved up onto my tiptoes to look out the peephole to be met with Eren’s face on the other end. I tried to ignore the way that my heart skipped and moved my free hand up to straighten my hair after having slept on it. I unlocked the door after a moment and pulled it open and the smell wafted into my apartment tenfold.

“Leviiiii!” the boy sang once he realized the door was open. His eyes were glossed over and his apartment door was still open. There was a bit of a haze of smoke coming out and into the hall and I sighed quietly. Of course.

“Eren, what are you doing?”

Eren looked at me, or in my direction at least. His eyes were squinted as he attempted to focus, and his lips were stuck in a permanent grin. My eyes dropped and saw him fiddling with the sleeves of a very worn out green hoodie, which he had paired with a plain black shirt and black sweatpants. He looked as though he dressed for a cozy day in, just like I had. 

“Come over, Levi.” he said, pushing his bottom lip out in an attempt to pout, though it only made him look more ridiculous as he couldn’t stop smiling.

“You’re baked.”

Eren closed his eyes as he shrugged. “Pffffft. That doesn’t mean aaaanything.”

“Don’t you have any other friends over there?” I asked. Of course I wanted to spend time with the kid, even if he was stoned, but if he had friends already over I didn’t want to impose.

Eren slowly shook his head and looked down the hall. “Jean was here and just left right before I knocked.” he turned back towards me and grinned wider. “And Armin is at a pra…uh” he trailed off, frowning. “Pranctum? Procum?”

I tilted my head to the side as I tried to help him with his words. “Practicum?” I asked, once it was the only word that really made any sense for it to be.

His eyes lit up and he nodded quickly. “Yeah! That! He’s at the hospital, so I’m alone and I want to hang out with you. Come over, pleeeeeease?” Eren whispered the last question as he reached forward and grabbed onto my arm, tugging it lightly.

My eyes roamed his face for a moment before sighing, unable to dig in my heels when he looked at me the way he did. “Damn it…” I muttered, letting my head fall forward. I reached up and grabbed the spare set of keys that hung by the door and walked out of the apartment with Eren still holding onto my arm. And as the thought of him still holding my arm swam through my mind, I felt heat moving to my face and I tried my best to force the thought away.

Eren tugged me away from my apartment once I had the door locked, and dragged me into his smoky, smelly one. I scrunched my nose as he closed the door behind us and pulled me to the living room.

“Make yourself at home.” he said, gesturing to the beat up couch that sat across from the television, just like in my own apartment.

I nodded slowly and hobbled my way forward, moving a couple blankets that had been thrown on the seat.

“Were you cold?” I asked, glancing at the pile of blankets now at the end of the couch. It was by no means cold in the apartment.

It took Eren a few moments to realize what I had meant and once again his eyes lit up and a huge grin took over his face, causing my heart to race.

“No! I wanted to build a blanket fort. But then Armin left before I could start, and Jean came over and didn’t want to help me so this is as far as I got.” he mumbled, frowning as he looked at the pile. “I even called Mikasa earlier but she had to work.”

I cocked my head to the side and looked between the blankets and Eren, who was still standing at the end of the couch. “Eren.”

“Hm?”

“Is that why you wanted me to come over? You wanted me to help you make a blanket fort?”

I watched as Eren moved his weight from one foot to the other, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and chewing. And I wanted to be repulsed by how adorable he really was, but it was quite the opposite.

“Will you leave if I say yes?” he asked quietly.

A soft sigh escaped my lips and I pushed myself back up off of the couch with the help of my cane. I walked right up to Eren, and I could see worry in his eyes as I moved and I knew that he figured I was about to walk out on him. Instead, I shook my head and reached my free hand up to his face, brushing his cheek gently with my thumb. “I am not going anywhere.”

It took Eren a few seconds to acknowledge what I had said, and yet again, his eyes lit up. Though, what happened next was once again not expected. Eren moved his hands up to my face, cupping it gently in his hands before leaning forward and pressing his lips against mine. It was soft, and unfortunately quick, but it was still there. I felt my heart hammering against my chest once again, and my face felt as though it had raised in temperature a hundred degrees.

But as quick as it had came, it was gone and Eren was moving around me to grab the blankets.

“We should move the couch towards the television and then we can make the fort behind the couch. I mean, that’s how I did it before anyway.” he said from the opposite side of the couch. “Are you okay with heavy lifting?” he asked after a moment, eyes moving from my face, to my cane and back to my face. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“I can pull the couch, I can’t make any promises on lifting it.” I said with a shrug, leaning my cane against the wall around the corner from the couch. I reached forward and put my hands on the armrest and looked across to Eren. “Ready?”

“One.. two.. three!” And with one fluid motion, the couch was shifted forward a foot and a half, right up against the coffee table.

“Is that enough room?” I asked, looking behind the couch at the new space.”

Eren leaned over before nodding. “Perfect.”

“How do you get the blankets to stay up though? Do you have more tables?”

“I’ve actually did this a couple times before with Armin and Mikasa. We used tacks to keep it up on the wall, and on one side we used the short CD case to hold the blanket down.” He turned and pointed to a stand that held a single stack of CDs.

I watched Eren as he lifted the case to the opening on his end of the couch and sat the case in the middle of the opening.

“Levi?” Eren asked after a moment, which brought me back to focusing on what was going on.

“Hmm?”

“Can you go into my room and grab the pillows off of my bed? Those can be used for the floor.”

I nodded slowly and turned to walk down the hall, using the wall to keep myself steady without my cane. I walked into the room at the end of the hall and sighed quietly to myself, glad that I was right on which room was which. Despite only being in his room once before, I didn’t want to accidentally make a wrong turn into Armin’s room.

I hobbled over to the unmade, de-blanketed bed and grabbed the four pillows and body pillow from the top. It was a bit awkward to walk, but I left the room as quick as I could, not wanting to linger around his personal belongings and keep him waiting. 

When I had made it back to the living room, the blankets on the top of the fort had successfully been pinned up to the wall and Eren had draped a sheet over the side where the CD case stood.

“Just throw the pillows in?” I asked, nodding at the opening to the fort on my side of the couch.

Eren popped up from the opposite side and nodded. “Yeah, throw em in there. Put the body pillow along the wall.”

I nodded and crawled into the fort and got to work. I placed the four pillows side by side before throwing the body pillow in between the others and the wall. Though as I was about to crawl back out, a sheet covered the entrance to the fort and I could see a silhouette of Eren’s body on the other side.

“I’m trapped!” I cried, shifting myself to sit a little more easily inside the small space.

“It’s okay, just stay in there. It’s almost done.” Eren said as I heard a tack go into the wall.

I looked around the dim space and laid down as I waited. I hadn’t done anything like this since I was a kid, and the childish behaviour with Eren was actually relaxing.

A few minutes later, the end of the fort opened and Eren crawled in with the comforter that had been thrown at the foot of his bed. I moved closer to the wall as he moved in, pulling the large blanket over both of us. He kicked his feet to get the sheet to cover the opening properly before finally falling back against the pillows beside me with a triumphant sigh.

“Satisfied?” I asked, shifting to get comfortable on the pillows, turning my head towards the boy.

“You know what? I am. Very satisfied, in fact.”

We fell into a comfortable silence for a while as Eren caught his breath from his hard work. I watched him as he kept his eyes closed, and I was glad he couldn’t see me. Though, had I been a few seconds quicker, I wouldn’t have been caught but I found my eyes locked on Eren’s.

“What are you looking at?” he asked quietly, raising one of his eyebrows questioningly.

I felt my face starting to heat up and I immediately looked up to the sheet ceiling of the fort. “N-nothing.” I muttered quietly, and I could feel Eren’s own eyes boring into the side of my head. “How are you feeling?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me.

I felt the boy move next to me and glanced over to see him looking down at me, propping himself up on an arm. 

“I’m great. How are you feeling?”

“The high left?” I asked, fully turning my attention back to Eren once I felt my face cool off.

“Yeah, half way through building this thing.” Eren turned his head up to look at the sheet ceiling before looking back down to me. “But what about you?” he asked again, and all I could do was shrug.

“Same old, same old.” I mumbled quietly as Eren lowered himself back down onto the pillows beside me. I took the chance to shift my own body onto my side to face him, resting my head on my arm. 

Eren stayed quiet for a while after that and I took note that he was looking at the pillow floor. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was chewing his bottom lip, as though he was deep in thought. And in an effort to not disturb him, I stayed quiet and enjoyed the comfortable silence that we once again fell into until the boy was ready to speak.

“Hey, Levi?” he finally asked, eyes moving back up to meet mine.

“What’s up?”

There was a slight tinge of pink visible on his cheeks in the dimly lit fort, and he started picking at one of the pillowcases. Something was making him nervous, and I couldn’t pin point what it was exactly.

“It’s kind of two things, on two topics…” he mumbled, trailing off.

“Do the easy one first.”

He nodded slowly and let his eyes move back up to look at me. “Can I, like, maybe possibly take you out sometime? Like, properly? On a night when you’re not feeling bad, of course. I’d leave the timing up to you on that. I just, you know, I want to know you better and I mean sure we could even just hang out like this but…”

The words were swirling in my head and my heart had started to pound against my chest and I knew full well that my face was probably a bit more red than it should be, and my eyes were wide and my words were not coming to me.

“But…Levi? Can I?” Eren’s words brought me back to reality after a few moments and I slowly nodded, clearing my throat.

“I would like that.” I finally said just above a whisper. “A lot, actually.”

The smile that Eren had on his face right after could have lit up an entire warehouse, and I couldn’t stop the small smile from making it’s way onto my lips, nor could I look away from the boy.

“I like seeing you smile.” I said quietly.

And with that, Eren cocked his head to the side the best he could in his laying down position. “I smile all the time.”

I slowly nodded and the smile that was on my own face widened a little. “I know, and I like it.”

The grin on the other boy’s face faded a bit, but was still there as he looked at me. He slowly moved his hand from his side and over to brush his thumb against my cheek softly, which I knew only made my face turn more red.

“Well, I like when you smile and I haven’t seen that very often.”

I chuckled quietly at that and nodded. “I’m an asshole, what can I say?”

Eren squinted at me and shook his head. “I don’t believe that for a second, actually.”

“You just don’t know me well enough.”

I watched as Eren lowered his eyes again, dropping his hand slowly back down to the pillow floor. “I want to, though. That was the other thing…” his words trailed off and I could hear the nervous tone that was in his voice from earlier. “I know you said you’d tell me when you’re ready and I don’t want to push it or anything but—“

“Eren…” I cut him off before he could continue and I closed my eyes. I really did want to tell him everything, but I wasn’t sure if I should. On one hand, it was incredibly personal and still somewhat recent, but on the other hand, he lived across the hall from me and in case of emergency, he’d get to my apartment the fastest. My brain was swirling with a million thoughts at once and I could feel a headache starting to come on. I took a deep breath and tried to relax before opening my eyes, finding Eren’s look of concern. And it was that, that made me decide. “I’m not going into all the details.”

“Whatever makes you comfortable, Levi. I don’t want to force it out of you or anything.” Eren assured me with a small smile. “It’s just curiosity.”

“I know, and that’s fair.”

And slowly but surely, I told him the story of the accident. I told him about the party, and that I was sober. I told him about leaving Petra’s and I told him about the open highway. And then I told him that was all I could remember from that night. But what he said before I could continue onto waking up surprised me.

“I vaguely remember something about that…” Eren muttered, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to think. “My dad is a doctor at the hospital, but he also has a family practice in the strip mall beside the hospital. Anyway, he had a really rare day off and he was actually at home for the night and we were watching some show, I can’t remember…” Eren trailed off and slowly shook his head. “His work cell went off while we were in the middle of this show and all I really remember was he had to leave. He came home the next day and he looked drained. Of course, doctor patient confidentiality, he didn’t give me all the details but he told me it was about the motorcycle accident that was in the morning paper.”

I listened to the boy’s story with wide eyes. I knew it had been a possibility, but no one had actually told me that the accident had been in the paper.

“No names or anything were given. It was just a small story about how you flew across the highway and—”

“Eren, don’t…” I said quietly, holding my hand up to his lips. “Please, don’t tell me that.”

With wide eyes, Eren nodded and looked away. “Sorry, right. That was rude.”

“It’s okay, I just…” I paused for a moment as words got in order in my head. “It’s still a tough subject, you know. But, that being said, it’s a small world. So, Eren Jaeger, I can assume?”

“The one and only.”

“Well, we’ve both learned about each other today.” I said with a small smile. “Are you going to be a doctor too?”

The look on Eren’s face was almost comical as he scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “No way. The sight of needles makes my skin crawl and the sight of blood makes me faint.”

I blinked at him slowly before laughing. “You don’t strike me as the type to be like that, Eren. But that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to be a doctor either. What do you actually want to do?”

Eren looked up in thought at the question and took his time to answer. “This may come as a surprise but I’m actually pretty interested in law.”

It definitely was a surprise. “Eren Jaeger, attorney at law.” I said, rolling onto my back as my legs were starting to ache from being on top of one another. “That has a nice ring to it.” I added after moving. “Which reminds me, you said Armin was at a practicum? What is he doing?”

Eren paused for a moment before nodding. “Right. He wants to be a teacher, actually. But he’s gone and taken so many different courses about early childhood and stuff, so today he’s at a daycare today since it’s a weekend. During the week it is a preschool. He wants to see what age he can handle the best, though he really wants to be a high school English teacher. That was his favourite class while we were in high school. Top of the class every year.”

“He sounds like a hard worker.”

“The hardest worker I know. He’s one of those people that has a set goal, and he will do everything to reach it.”

And then, the comfortable silence was back. I let my eyes close as I relaxed my body, feeling the ache in my legs subside the longer I laid on my back. It wasn’t until I felt Eren moving beside me that I opened my eyes to find him hovering over me, and I felt my heart starting to pick up the pace with how close he was.

“Levi, can I do something?” he asked quietly as the redness on his face became more visible.

“What is it?”

“Something I’ve wanted to do since we got in here.”

Unsure of what he was talking about, I slowly nodded and I watched as Eren sucked on his bottom lip, something that I had decided was a nervous habit. Eren moved his hand up once more to cup my cheek while he held himself up on the other. His thumb brushed lightly against my skin and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch, letting my eyes fall shut.

And it was then that he took his chance. I felt a soft pair of lips press against mine, and they were more than welcome to be there. It felt as though my heart was moving up into my throat as I kissed him back, moving my own hand up into his hair. Every movement was slow, and nervous. We both knew that what we wanted, but we both didn’t want to spoil the moment by moving too fast either. Though slowly, but surely, I felt Eren’s tongue run across my bottom lip and let him in.

Eren let his hand move down from my face and to my waist, pulling me closer to him. And as much as I wasn’t ready, the kiss broke as we both caught our breaths. My face was hot and flushed red, though Eren’s was no different as I let my eyes move over his face. I slowly let my hand push through his hair and down to his neck, locking my eyes back with Eren’s. I wasn’t even sure if my heart was beating anymore and it felt as though my entire being was floating through time and space. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time, and it was definitely not unwelcome. In fact, I welcomed it with open arms. The feeling of excitement and something new, alongside the feeling of safety I already felt with Eren.

It was new, and different. And scary, definitely scary. But after the hell I’d been through already, scary didn’t seem too bad. And with Eren, it couldn’t be too bad.

I pushed myself up from the floor after a moment and shifted to face Eren. He looked unsure of what I was doing, but hell, so did I. My hand was still placed on his neck, and his hand was still on my waist. I shifted towards him and pulled his face closer to mine, letting our lips meet get again, letting the kiss deepen immediately. It was a complete turn from before, what was slow and innocent turned fast and needy. My tongue explored his mouth as his roamed through mine. As I took a chance to break away and kiss his jaw, I felt his nimble fingers crawling up the back of my shirt causing chills up and down my spine. I tried to push away the pain in my legs as I nipped gently at Eren’s neck, causing a quiet whine escape the boy.

But once again we broke away from each other with swollen lips and heavy breathing. My hands left his body as he fell back into the pillow floor and I watched as he moved his hands over his face. My eyes moved down his body as his eyes were covered, and I took in the sight. His hoodie was still on and his shirt had been pushed up from falling onto his back, exposing part of his stomach and his hips, which his pants hung quite low on. I gulped as I turned my head back to face him, seeing that he had one eye on me and a small smirk on his face.

“I saw that.”

“Y-you saw nothing, I don’t know what you are talking about.” I muttered, looking up at the sheet ceiling and away from him, feeling like my face couldn’t turn any more red. 

“It’s okay.” he said softly and I turned my head back down to look at him.

Eren reached up and I felt his hand grip my shirt, tugging me closer. I shifted a little until I felt both of his hands on my waist tug me hard enough to pull me forward, forcing pain up my legs causing me to cringe.

“Careful…” I mumbled with eyes closed as I held myself up on my arms.

“I am so sorry.” I heard him whisper quietly, and the look on his face when I opened my eyes was completely apologetic. But I couldn’t really blame him.

“It’s not your fault. This is all new territory.” I explained quietly as I pushed myself back up to straddle his hips, which is where he had been trying to get me to go. I leaned forward against his chest and pressed my face against his neck. Though, it didn’t last long and before I got comfortable, I sat back up and grabbed the comforter that had been kicked to our feet and pulled it up, pulling it over the both of us as he laid back down against Eren. 

“Comfy?” I heard him mumble against the top of my head, and I nodded.

I really was comfortable. Even though I had been napping earlier, as soon as I had laid back down against the boy, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.

After a few moments, I felt Eren’s arms slowly wrap around me under the comforter and I nuzzled into his neck closer, taking in his scent; body wash and the light leftovers of what he’d been smoking. 

This was definitely not like me. I was never one to voluntarily cuddle up to anyone, but something felt right and I still couldn’t put my finger on it. There was something about Eren Jaeger that felt right, and I was going to find it.

After another nap, of course.


	8. Exit Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took as long as it did. But I'm finally getting back on track to what this story was originally going to be about and I am looking forward to finishing it. ^___^ If you are still with me, enjoy! Also, there are going to be some time jumps coming up, so I hope you don't mind. If I didn't, this would be going on for years.
> 
> Also, smut.

I could hear voices, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. All I knew was that I was warm and comfortable and I didn’t want to move. But the thing I was laying on was starting to vibrate and I slowly felt myself becoming more and more aware of my surroundings.

I blinked my eyes open and realized that I was still laying on top of Eren, though he was still holding me just as tight as he had been before. I had shifted slightly down on his body, and my head was pressed against his chest. I could hear his heart beating below my ear, and it was like music to my ears.

“Where are you going to take him?” a voice asked just above a whisper, and I recognized it as Armin’s. I frowned slightly, though. Where was he?

I slowly turned my head to where there should have been space, but found another body laying beside Eren’s.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Eren spoke quietly, making his chest vibrate with his voice.

I groaned quietly and let my face roll against Eren’s chest, and I felt his arms tighten around me at my movements.

“How long was I asleep?” I asked, feeling as though my words were slurring together.

I felt like I had been out for a long time. I wasn’t exactly tired anymore, though I was definitely comfortable and had no intention of moving, especially considering that I felt hardly any pain.

I could feel Eren’s hands slowly moving on my back and I turned my head to rest my chin on his chest, looking right at him as he looked back at me.

“Only for like an hour. Maybe two.” he said with a small smile playing on his lips. “I fell asleep for a while too, then Armin came and joined me.”

Eren turned his head towards the blond at the same time I did and Armin grinned at us both. But then as my senses started to get the better of me, I found myself pushing myself up and away from Eren.

“I should probably go back…” I mumbled, leaning forward on one arm as I rubbed my eyes with the other. From the dimness of the blanket fort, I could tell that the sun had gone down. I had no idea what time it was.

But with my words, Eren pushed his bottom lip out in a pout. “But why?”

And I couldn’t say anything, and I couldn’t leave. I found myself flopping back down against the boy’s chest and hiding my face into his neck as Armin laughed quietly beside us.

My actions were not ones I was used to, but they felt right nonetheless. I didn’t want to leave, even though something in the back of my mind was telling me to. My heart was saying no.

There was something about Eren that made me feel safe, and I was going to find out what it was.

—————

The first date was nothing extraordinary. It happened a week after I had agreed to go out with Eren, and he had taken me out to see a movie. I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about, however. I was paying more attention to how close Eren’s hand was to my dick as he tried to suck my face off.

I wasn’t complaining. I still enjoyed the night, and I enjoyed the next morning when I woke up with him making me pancakes. I am a sucker for pancakes.

Though as the days passed after that first day, we ended up seeing each other less as a result of coming holidays and exams. It was stressful for the both of us, and we both understood that we had to put school ahead of each other just for a little while.

Of course, I still popped in at the cafe after getting out of class, to study in my corner and eat my soup. That never changed.

It was the end of November once things finally died down. We were off for Thanksgiving, and we were free until the first week of January. I was looking forward to the lazy days and the lazy nights, and the not having to worry about papers and exams. My brain was looking forward to the break.

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” asked Eren.

It was the first night we were able to spend together and alone since getting swept up with school, and it was nice to enjoy each others company. Despite being neighbours, our schedules didn’t match up in the crazy weeks, and I looked forward to having time for him as well.

I shifted slightly on the couch beside him before moving my stiff legs up to rest on the coffee table. I wasn’t one to use my coffee table as a foot rest, but my legs had been killing me the majority of the day.

I hummed softly as I wrapped my arm up behind him to comb my fingers through his hair lazily.

“I normally go to Petra’s though she doesn’t have her dinner until the weekend. I’m generally free on the day of. Use it as a day to prepare myself and start my fasting for the turkey dinner.” I explained, which got a laugh out of the boy beside me. “What are you doing on Thanksgiving?”

Eren hummed back at me, just like I had hummed at him and I felt him turn his head towards me. I looked back at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“The cafe is closed so we are having a huge dinner at Jean’s. His mom is a really great cook, so I am looking forward to that.” he said with a grin. “She brought in these mini pumpkin pies the other day and I snagged one, and my god…” he trailed off and I could almost see the boy start drooling just at the memory.

“It sounds like it will be delicious.” I said quietly, unable to hide the small smile forming on my lips.

Eren stayed dazed for a second before his eyes widened and his focus was back on me. “You should come! I’m sure it won’t be a problem, and by now they all know you.”

“Oh, they all know me?” I asked, head tilting slightly.

“Well, half of them know you as, ‘that one regular that is obsessed with the broccoli cheese soup’, but the other’s know you as ‘that one regular that can’t keep his eyes off of Eren and it’s kind of weird’.”

I started at the boy with a blank expression, unsure of what to even feel with that.

“I’m joking, by the way.” Eren finally tacked on with a teasing tone. “Most of them know you’re Levi, and I really don’t see why you can’t be there. I am allowed to bring a guest.”

“What about Armin?” I asked, almost too quickly.

Eren’s eyebrow raised at that and he slowly shook his head. “As much as spending time with Armin on Thanksgiving would be great, he’s my best friend _and_ roommate, and sometimes we need a break from one another. He spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with his granddad.”

I listened intently before nodding. I understood that completely. I knew breaks were needed to keep the sanity between two best friends.

“Then I will be there for dinner.” I finally said with another nod. “Do I need to bring anything?” I asked after a moment, furrowing my brow. I didn’t want to show up empty handed.

But Eren just smiled at me and shook his head. “It’s not necessary. I’ll take a bottle of wine for the both of us, don’t worry.”

A small smile tugged at my lips before I leaned up to press a chaste kiss to Eren’s own.

—————

“So then he said, ‘Sir, I didn’t want tomato on this. Or lettuce.’ and I just stared at him. I had no idea what to say!”

“Wait what did he order?”

“A fucking BLT!”

“You are making this shit up, Jean.”

“I am not kidding. This guy was adamant about it and I was just like, ‘You just want bacon and bread…’”

“Was he stoned? What the fuck?”

“Sorry, bacon and mayo between two slices of bread. Come on, really?”

“I was there, man. I heard the tail end of the conversation and I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing!”

“What, did he also order a fucking latte without milk?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried, to be honest.”

I sat wide eyed at the quick exchanges between Eren and his coworkers as we sat around a long dining room table in Jean’s house. The conversation was too much to really keep up with, and I could feel a headache starting to buzz in my head. Though, as I saw Eren’s head turn towards me, he immediately reached for my hand and squeezed it under the table.

It wasn’t long before Jean’s mother came out from the kitchen with a cart full of dishes. Everything smelled delicious, and despite the fact that I didn’t eat much on a good day, I already knew I was going to regret overstuffing myself.

I watched the woman smack away Jean’s hand as he tried to reach for a spoon to start dishing out vegetables, and couldn’t help but laugh along with Eren at the face he had made.

“Wait until everything is on the table, Jeanbo!”

“Mom! Please, don’t…”

The laughter from the brunet beside me got louder at that and the glare that the other sent across the table could have killed us both. 

“Shut up, Jaeger.” Jean hissed, leaning forward. His face had turned a deep shared of embarrassed red.

“Okay, Jeanbo.” Eren retorted before snorting, covering his mouth and nose with his hand.

“Why did we have to invite him?” Jean whined, throwing his head to the side and letting it land on the shoulder of the freckle-faced boy that sat beside him who had been introduced to me as Marco.

“Because unlike some people here, he actually does work.” the girl that sat across from me finally spoke up. I vaguely knew her from the shop, as she had served me a few times before. She’d been introduced properly to me that evening as Mikasa, and she had known Eren for as long as Armin.

“Eren? Work? He’s always talking to this guy.” Jean lifted his head back up and waved his hand in my direction, causing me to tilt my head to the side.

“He has a name, Jean.” Eren mumbled, squeezing my hand again.

“I know, I know. Sorry, Levi.” the other said his mother sat the turkey right in the middle of the table.

“It’s okay…” I trailed off quietly before Jean’s mother finally sat down at the head of the table with a grin on her face.

“It is so nice to cook for more than just one person for a change.” she said delightfully. “Mikasa, darling, where is Annie? I thought she was coming.”

I glanced to the girl across from me and she had her eyes glued to the plate in front of her.

“She…” she paused for a moment before slowly shaking her head. “Her family wanted her at home. She’ll be back in January.”

I turned back to the woman at the end of the table and saw her shoulders sag. “That is too bad! I really like her.”

“And what are we, Mrs. K? Chopped liver?”

The woman raised her eyebrows and turned towards Eren at his question before laughing. “Oh no, my dear boy. I am thankful that you are all here.”

And with that, the meal started. And just as everything smelled delicious, everything tasted ten times better. The potatoes were fluffy, the turkey was tender and full of flavour, while the stuffing was probably the best I’d ever had.

And I only slightly regretted eating as much as I had. Especially when the woman brought out the pumpkin pie and homemade whipped cream.

“Eren, I think I’m going to explode.” I mumbled, leaning to the side to rest my head on the boy’s shoulder as we still sat at the dining room table. The rest of the guests were immersed in their own conversations and not at all paying attention to the two of us. “How is that one still eating?” I finally asked, nodding my head towards the girl sitting on the other side of Mikasa who had piled more food onto her plate. I had lost count after the third round.”

I felt Eren shake as he laughed, which caused me to lift my head back up. “Sasha eat’s like if she stops, she will die.”

“Where does she put it?” I asked quietly, squinting across the table. My head was starting to pound painfully, but I wasn’t ready to pull Eren away from his friends just yet.

“We believe she has like seven stomachs or something. It’s actually kind of amazing.”

“I don’t know if I should be horrified or what.” I shifted slightly in my chair and reached forward to take the last sip of my wine.

“Did you want some more?” Eren asked, reaching for the bottle that we had brought. It sat still half full in front of the both of us.

“I need to take some pills. I should get water.”

Eren grinned and leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to my chin. “I’ll grab them. Which do you need?”

“Vicodin. Side pocket.”

Before I could say another word, Eren was jumping out of his seat and leaving the room, leaving me alone with his coworkers.

I stayed quiet as I waited, as the rest of the group continued talking about themselves. I sat back and listened to the voices swirling around my head, trying to push the pain out of my head. I really didn’t want to pull Eren from his friends yet. I needed to push the pain away.

But the concern on Eren’s face when he rejoined me at the table told me that he knew I was suffering.

I took the pills and the water from the boy and quickly swallowed them before offering him a small smile.

“Thank you.”

Eren sighed softly and shook his head. “Did you want to get out of here?” he asked quietly, not wanting to bring attention to our part of the table.

I slowly shook my head back at him and smiled again. “Whenever you’re ready to go.”

He reached up and let his hand cup my face, and I leaned against his touch as his thumb brushed my cheek.

“Let me know if the pain gets worse, okay?” he asked, and I nodded.

“The lovebirds are having a moment.” Jean cut in front across the table which earned him a glare from both Eren and I.

“Shut up, Jean.” Eren grumbled before leaning over to press his lips against mine quickly. He soon found himself sitting properly in his seat once more.

And the night continued on like that, though we soon sound up in the living room once Jean had started complaining about a sore ass. And while I glared at him for being a wee bit uncomfortable in the leg region, I was more than happy to move as my legs were absolutely killing me. 

“Should we watch a movie or something?” Sasha asked once we had all settled on the couches in the living room while Jean’s mother took to the kitchen to clean up dinner. 

“Which movie?” Jean asked, moving over to his shelf of DVDs.

“It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!” cried Marco, which caused Jean to slowly turn back to him.

“It’s not Halloween anymore, babe.”

“A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving!” Connie offered, looking from Marco to Jean and Jean could only roll his eyes.

“Guys, I don’t have any of the Charlie Brown movies.” and with that, I listened as the majority of the room groaned.

Eventually, the group had decided on watching a couple episodes of The Office instead of a movie. The show itself seemed to be a bit of an inside joke with the employees of the store, so while I still enjoyed watching it, it felt a bit odd listening to the banter going back and forth.

I was thankful for when I felt Eren’s hand find mine and his breath on my ear.

“Are you ready to get out of here?”

I nodded a bit quicker than I maybe should have, but Eren didn’t seem to notice.

We made stood up and said our farewells to his coworkers before moving back to the kitchen to thank Jean’s mom for dinner. And it was not long before we had our shoes and jackets on, on our way back to our apartment.

“Come spend the night with me.” Eren said quietly as we stood in the elevator on our way up to our floor. He moved to wrap his arms around me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. There was no way I could say no, and I nodded.

We stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall, stopping in front of our respective apartments. 

“I’m just gonna grab some pajamas.” I said, pointing to my door.

“I’ll give you something of mine, it’s okay.” Eren said with a small smile which told me he had something up his sleeve.

So, with a nod, I followed him into his apartment and kicked my shoes off at the door. I followed him to his bedroom and dropped my things at the foot of the bed, along with my jacket and cane.

As soon as I had everything out of my hands, I felt arms snake around my waist. I moved my hands down over Eren’s hands and tilted my head to the side when I felt his face press up against my neck. I hummed quietly as he pressed soft kisses to the skin in front of him before slowly turning in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss him slowly. Something I hadn’t got to do in what seemed like forever.

I let my tongue move across his bottom lip until he let me in to explore his mouth. One of my hands moved up into his hair, gripping the strands tightly as the kiss deepened.

Eren wrapped his arms around me tighter, and without any warning, picked me up off of my feet and placed me on the bed. The kiss broke at that as I moved back on the bed and he crawled up after me.

The look in his eyes started making my heart pound excitedly and I could feel my face flushing red as I tried to catch my breath. But I didn’t get long to do so as his lips caught mine ones more, deepening the kiss again as he moved up to kneel between my parted legs.

I wrapped my hands back up in Eren’s hair as I kept him pulled down in the heated kiss, far hungrier than when it had started. It didn’t end until we both needed to breathe again.

Though that didn’t stop Eren, exactly. As he let me get the air back in my lungs, I felt his lips trail down my jaw and my neck and down to where the neckline of my shirt started just below my collarbone. He sat up at that, hands playing with the bottom hem of my shirt with his eyes on me as if asking for permission.

I nodded slowly as I pushed myself up on my elbows to remove my shirt. I fell back into the pillows and it didn’t take long for Eren to get back to work, trailing hot, open mouthed kisses down across my chest. He took his time, one of my nipples which was causing some other areas of my body to react. I was embarrassed by the quiet moan that escaped my lips.

But Eren continued his journey down my body, kissing every inch of skin that he could make contact with. He kissed across my stomach, and quickly learned of the sensitive area on my side before heading lower and pressing kisses across my hips. He finally stopped as his lips pressed a kiss to the area of skin just above the button to my jeans. I could feel his breath against my body, right where I was reacting from the attention and I knew he could see my dick trying to escape my pants.

And my thoughts were confirmed as his mouth moved over it though my jeans, and the sensation caused painful chills to move up my spine as I arched my back.

“Ow, fuck.” I grumble, closing my eyes as I tried to get the shocks to pass.

“Shit, are you okay?” Eren asked, sitting upright. As I reopened his eyes, I saw his concerned ones looking back at me and I nodded.

“I haven’t done this since the accident. I don’t know what to expect. I’m okay. I’m okay.” I explained, reaching out to grab his hand. “Really, I’m okay.” I added, seeing his eyebrows furrow. And it was that that made him relax again and he pulled my hand up to kiss against my knuckles.

“Is it okay if I…” he trailed off and nodded towards my pants, and I nodded.

Eren made quick work of his fingers, getting the pants undone and off of my legs and briefs. He worked carefully and got them off with next to no pain on my end. For that I was thankful.

As soon as my pants and underwear hit the floor, his lips were back on my skin, pressing kisses to my hips and my thighs. I don’t think he missed a single inch of my legs, moving down my left leg right to my toes, before moving up the right leg and back to my hips.

He sat up once he was satisfied and looked at me with a grin that I couldn’t help but return.

“I hope that helps the pain. I want it to go away.”

I felt something tug in my chest at his words and my breath caught in my throat. I sat back up on my elbow and reached with my free arm to pull him closer, letting our lips connect once more.

“You’re far too sweet.” I mumbled against his lips between kisses until I finally pulled away to look down at him. “Though I’m feeling rather underdressed.”

Eren laughed at the comment and pulled back from me, throwing his shirt off almost immediately before woking off his pants. I watched with an arched brow at how quickly he moved, jumping off of the bed to kick off his jeans and boxers before climbing back in front of me.

And I couldn’t look away. I’d seen the kid in barely anything already, but it was under different circumstances. He wasn’t in his sorry excuse of a mouse costume to distract me. He was gorgeous.

“You can take a picture. I hear they last longer.” He mumbled, leaning closer to my ear as he whispered. “Though, it’s all yours, Levi.”

And at that, the chill moved up my spine again and that was it. It was over. I needed him then and there, and I ignored the pain as I lunged forward to push him onto his back, straddling his hips. It was my turn to pay him back for the kisses.

I completely ignored his lips and attacked his neck with my teeth, causing him to gasp though his hips rolling up against my own told me I had already found his weak spot. I chuckled quietly against his skin as I continued to work, marking him. We hadn’t discussed what we were to each other, but I knew I didn’t want anyone else to have him. He was mine.

I didn’t continue exploring the boy’s body until I was satisfied with the red mark that I had left. But soon enough, I moved down across his chest much like he had done with me, before trailing kisses straight down his stomach as I slid my body down to straddle his legs, uncovering what had started to prod my leg.

I glanced up at him with a smirk before looking back down to his length resting against his stomach. I sat up a bit as my hands moved over his hips, teasing around the base, causing the boy under me to gasp quietly. I was beginning to feel a bit nervous, which was bizarre for me. Though, given the situation I could see why. Eren meant more to me than just one night stands that I had been used to before the accident.

And I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. I felt safe with Eren, and Eren made me feel at home. Though despite the comfort I felt, the nerves were still high.

“Levi, are you okay?” Eren asked quietly, propping himself up on his elbows and shaking me from my thoughts.

And as my eyes met with his, a small smile found it’s way onto my face and I nodded.

“Just nerves.” I admitted quietly, absentmindedly moving my hands over his thighs and hips still.

Eren reached out with one of his arms and let his hand come up to cup my face, brushing my cheek with his thumb gently.

“Don’t be. If you want to stop, we’ll stop. We’ll go as slow as you want. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

I bit the inside if my lip as I listened to him speak and something in my chest tugged again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself down before letting my hands finally wrap around him, causing him to gasp.

I peeked my eyes open to see that Eren’s head had fallen back, though he still managed to keep himself propped up on his elbows as I moved my hand. It had been so long since I had done this to anyone else, I was out of practice so I moved slowly. I tried different movements, teasing over the head with my thumb and barely letting my hand graze the skin. I wanted to know what Eren liked, and what he didn’t like.

As the nerves slowly ebbed away, I managed to find the courage to bend forward to let my mouth take over. As my tongue moved up the underside of Eren’s cock, my ears were met with a low groan and Eren’s hand found it’s way into my hair. I smiled as I slipped the head between my lips, tongue swirling before pulling back with a pop.

“Jesus, Levi.” Eren managed to get out with a strained voice before another noise left the back of his throat, as I let him hit the back of mine. “Keep that up, I won’t last much longer.” he warned as I pulled back again, eyes on his face. His eyebrows were bunched together as he concentrated on keeping himself calm.

“Already? Huh, I may need to rethink this whole relationship…” I teased, which caused the boy to shoot a glare at me. And at that, I crawled back up to straddle his hips as I leaned down to kiss him. “I’m joking.” I assured him after pulling back and he nodded, kissing me quickly again.

“What’s gonna be the least painful for you?” he asked quietly, a blush finding his cheeks at the question. And it took me a moment to realize what he had meant, and it was a question I couldn’t answer.

“If we stay this way…” I trailed off, biting the inside of my lip. But he nodded in understanding before tapping me on the hip. I moved off of him as he rolled off of the bed and to his nightstand, and I watched as he pulled out the small bottle and silver packet from the drawer before climbing back up to lay against the pillows.

We stayed quiet as he got himself ready, rolling the condom on and lubing himself and his fingers up. He tossed the bottle and empty packet to the side before reaching for my hand with his clean hand. He squeezed it tightly as I moved back up to straddle his stomach before catching my lips with his, a distraction from his other arm moving behind me to let his fingers move in.

It was uncomfortable to say the least, but I knew it would be. It was a feeling i hadn’t felt in a long time, and one I hadn’t exactly prepared myself for. But as we continued the kiss, I let myself relax around Eren’s fingers, letting him stretch me open and ignoring the pain shooting down my legs. There was never going to be a comfortable position for me, but this way I’d be able to keep control of it more.

I groaned quietly into Eren’s mouth as he slowly worked a third finger, and I couldn’t stop myself from grinding back down onto his hand. It was that that made him finally remove his hand, and he looked up at me with a small smile that I couldn’t not kiss off of his face.

I shifted back slightly and with my free hand, I reached behind me to find him still hard against his stomach. I stroked him gently a couple of times before lifting myself up to position myself. My hand that held his squeezed tightly as I slowly lowered myself onto him. My eyes shut tight as I tried to ignore the pain that had nothing to do with Eren coursing through my body. My head was swirling, and my legs were aching but I ignored it. My want for Eren was far higher than anything else.

Once I had settled back down onto Eren, I took a deep breath to calm myself. The boy under me squeezed my hand gently and I opened my eyes to find his watching me. I offered a small smile and he moved our hands to his lips, kissing them softly.

“Take your time.” he assured me, and my heart skipped and I nodded and I took another deep breath. 

And I moved.

The movements were slow as I lifted myself up, to let myself back down. Though, the more I relaxed around Eren, the quicker I managed to go. Although, with my legs, I wasn’t able to go as quick as I would have liked. Gentle wasn’t something I was a fan of, but it was something I was going to have to get used to.

Or that is what I had thought.

I tried to quicken the pace after a few minutes, but it was no use with my legs. And I was about to get off and get on my back, though Eren had other plans once I had leaned forward over his chest and he thrusted up in such a way, stars circled my head and a yelp left my mouth.

My eyes widened and one of my hands moved to cover my mouth, embarrassed. But Eren continued to move, and I kept my body still as he continued to hit the spot over, and over, and over. And the noise, albeit muffled, continued to leave my mouth.

And I continued to see stars as he quickened his pace, and I could feel my legs starting to buckle under me. I didn’t want to collapse; I needed him to keep hitting that spot.

“Eren, please.” I whined, hanging my head as I let my hand move from my face down my front to wrap around my neglected cock.

It didn’t take long for Eren to smack my hand away and take over. And between his hand and his thrusts as I tried my best to stay over him, I knew I wasn’t going to last long.

And I didn’t. Within seconds I was coming strings of white up and over his stomach and chest, as my eyes squeezed shut and the most embarrassing noises left my mouth. Eren followed up not much longer and his movements slowed to an eventual stop as he caught his breath and I moved beside him and collapsed onto my chest, face right into the pillow.

My body was going to start aching more than normal, but for the first time I wasn’t going to mind it.

I’m not exactly sure when I fell asleep, but when I woke up it was still dark and Eren had his arms wrapped around me. At some point, we had made it under the covers and my bladder was screaming at me. I wanted to ignore it and stay in our warm cocoon, but the more I ignored, the more it irritated me.

I slipped out of Eren’s arms and quietly slipped off of the bed, turning on the bedside lamp to light my way. I turned back to make sure that Eren was still sleeping before tip toeing through his room. I used the wall and as I was about to pass his dresser, I shivered as a draft came from the door. I stopped and pulled open the drawers, grinning as I found the drawer with Eren’s long sleeve shirts. I pulled one out and was about to pull it one when something in the corner of the drawer caught my eye.

And it was something I didn’t want to see. And something I’m sure Eren didn’t want me to see.

And I didn’t mean to snoop, I just wanted a shirt. But the paper bag that sat in the corner of the drawer, rolled open for the world to see inside was too much to ignore.

I reached forward and pulled out a small plastic baggy full of pills I recognized as ecstasy. I pulled another filled with a few tabs of acid. Another of cocaine. And another, and another, and another.

And my bladder became the less of my worries as I felt physically sick as I couldn’t understand why Eren had these things.

The was movement on the bed and I slowly turned around with a bag of white powder in my hand, shaking slightly as I tried to fight back any emotion that wanted to pour out.

Eren was sitting up on the bed and I watched with wide eyes as he rubbed his eyes before lowering his hand and seeing me in front of the chest of drawers. And it took him a moment to realize what was in my hand, and his eyes widened. And my heart skipped, and he looked about to break as he shook his head.

“No, no, no. Levi, that-“

“I can’t do this again, Eren.” I finally said, closing my eyes as I dropped the powder back into the drawer. “Not again, not again. Erwin was enough. I can't.”


	9. Porcelain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fastest update I've had in a long time. I'm getting back to the original plot line, yay!! Enjoy!

I had lost track of how long I had been laying down, but the hand combing through my hair continued to keep me relaxed. My head was pounding, my entire body ached and with all the thoughts swimming through my head, it was impossible to concentrate on just one thing.

So I thought of nothing but the hand carding through my hair.

“Have you talked to him?”

The voice was quiet and tired sounding, and I peeked one of my eyes open to look up at Petra as she continued to move her hand.

I sighed quietly and shook my head that was resting in her lap.

“I couldn’t. I was too confused, and I didn’t know what to say.” I mumbled, closing my eyes again.

“I mean, maybe he has a perfectly good explanation…” she trailed off and was about to continue when I stopped her.

“Petra, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars of drugs in his drawers.” 

It was her turn to sigh as her hand stopped moving through my hair. “Even still, you need to talk to him. He needs to explain.”

“I don’t want to have another Erwin.”

Petra groaned as she let her head fall back against the back of the couch. “Levi, you can’t compare the two.”

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t.” she said, louder than I had ever heard her speak to me after the accident. Her voice made me wince, and I watched as her face softened knowing that it had sent a spike through my head. “You can’t compare them because they are not alike. Maybe I don’t know Eren as well as you do.”

“You definitely don’t.”

“Exactly, but I can say that they are not alike. He knows that you are uncomfortable with the drugs?”

“Yeah, so why is it he has a huge bag of it?”

“Have you ever had to deal with him high on any of those things you found?”

I paused for a moment and slowly shook my head. “Well, no. He’s smoked weed while I’ve known him, and I’ve dealt with him stoned because of it but nothing harder than that…”

“See? Maybe you’re wrong about the whole situation.”

I groaned and threw both of my hands over my face, shaking my head. “That doesn’t fucking explain why he has it.”

“And that is because you didn’t let him explain himself.” she said with finality in her voice. She knew she was right, and I knew her opinion on the topic wasn’t going to budge. “All you did was walk out, right?”

“Yes.”

“Did he try to speak?”

I dragged my hands from my face though kept my eyes closed. “Yes. I left as soon as I could.”

“Levi…”

I groaned again, not wanting to be lectured anymore. I knew she had a point and that I needed to listen to Eren’s side of the story but for now I just wanted to be mad in peace.

And then something struck me. 

“I need to talk to Erwin.” I grumbled, pushing myself up from Petra’s lap.

“Wait, what?”

I turned around to sit on the couch in my living room properly before turning to look at the girl that now sat beside me. She looked at me with confusion written all over her face, and if I was being honest, I didn’t blame her.

“I need to talk to Erwin.”

Petra’s mouth open and closed multiple times as though she was a fish out of water. It took her a few moments to find her voice again.

“Why? Why do you need to talk to Erwin?”

I turned away from the girl and looked forward to the television, which was turned off and just a black screen against a white wall. “Because, the more I think about what I found, the more I realize that it wasn’t the first time I’ve seen that particular ecstasy. It’s the exact same pills Erwin always had. Eren gets his weed from the guy, meaning he probably got all that other shit too.”

“I think you need to talk to Eren, Levi.”

I shook my head and winced, instantly regretting the movement. “I need to talk to Erwin.”

Petra sighed quietly and fell back against the couch, defeated. She knew that I was stubborn, and as soon as I had made up my mind about something, there was no changing it.

—————

The following day, I had every intention of talking to Erwin but when I woke up at five in the morning in excruciating pain and the last of my painkillers (which unfortunately was the last Oxy, which I had ended up using despite the fact that I didn’t want to), I knew a trip to the doctor to refill my prescription was far more important.

So, as soon as I was ready and the sun was finally in the sky, I cabbed it to the doctors office and waited.

And waited.

And waited, and god help me I wished I’d been up on my medications to know to make an appointment. It was very unlike me to forget, but with exams, and spending time with Eren, it slipped my mind.

But finally, after what seemed like hours (which it probably was) Dr. Jaeger was stepping into the lobby with his friendly face and a clipboard.

“Levi, come on in!” he greeted, and pushed myself up out of my seat with my cane at my side and followed him back to one of the observation rooms.

“And what brings you around today?” he asked as I settled on the paper covered bench.

So, a million thoughts ran through my head at that moment, and I could have been a real asshole and discussed Eren’s extracurricular college activities with his father, but even I wasn’t that much of an asshole. Instead, I got straight to the point.

“I need a refill on my prescription. I didn’t realize how low I was and I took the last Oxy this morning, and it’s starting to wear off after sitting out there all morning.” I explained, nodding my head to the door in reference to the lobby.

I watched as the doctor’s eyebrows raised and he looked down at my chart.

“You used all of them?”

I slowly nodded. “Yes, sir. With the exams we just had, my head was killing me more than usual and they kind of helped keep the pain at bay while I was writing them.” I explained, not about to elaborate on a very unfortunate Halloween.

“Would you be against me prescribing yo those in place of the Vicodin, and keeping the Vicodin as your lower dose? Or do you want to keep it as is?”

I paused for a moment and thought. The pain seemed like it was getting worse as the days were passing, and I knew the pain in my legs was no longer a part of what I had done a couple nights before. I finally nodded.

“Less bottles, the better. I’ll do the stronger two.”

The doctor looked at me for a moment before nodding and looking down at his chart. He stayed quiet for a moment before reaching for the pad of paper he kept in the front pocket of his white jacket. The silence continued as he scribbled the prescription down and tore the paper off of the pad, reaching over to give it to me.

“I heard you met my son, Levi.” he finally said, placing the pad of paper in his pocket once more and i could feel my face pale. “He’s said nothing but good things about you.” And as the doctor smiled at me, I felt a tug at my heart, one of which I hadn’t felt since that night.

“Oh I’m sure he’s just making that up.” I said quietly, trying my best to make my tone playful as if I had been joking. “But yeah, he serves me at the coffee shop between my place and the school.”

“And you’re neighbours?”

I paused for a moment and slowly nodded. “Yeah.”

I wasn’t sure how much Eren had told his father, and as much as I could have been an ass about it, I really didn’t want to be. I had no idea what to say in the mean time.

“If there is any sort of reason you need to get a hold of me after hours, when I’m not at the hospital or here, don’t hesitate to bother Eren to get a hold of me.” he finally said with another friendly smile and I felt myself nodding. I really could not tell the man that Eren and I were currently not talking.

Or at least, I was currently not talking to Eren. Eren, however, had blown up my text messages and my inbox was overflowing with things I wasn’t ready to read.

The appointment didn’t last much longer and I thanked the doctor before heading back out into the cool late November air. The air was crisp and most of the leaves were off of the trees by now as winter was on its way. I shivered slightly as I tightened my jacket and hobbled in the direction of the pharmacy next door.

After retrieving my medication and stepping outside, I felt my phone starting to buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and sighed before answering.

“What is it, Eyebrows?” I asked, moving to lean against the building I had just walked out of.

“Petra said you wanted to talk to me?”

I was going to be mad at the guy for calling, but he did have a point and I sighed.

“Yeah, actually I did. Where are you?”

There was a pause on the other end before Erwin spoke up. “Just dropping something off near my place. Where are you? It sounds like you’re outside.”

“Observant as always.” I drawled, looking up and down the street. “I’m outside the pharmacy by Dr. Jaeger’s.”

Another pause and a huff on the other end before Erwin’s voice took over again. “Stay there, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

And as much as I didn’t want to exactly get in a car with Erwin, I wouldn’t have to pay for a cab. And I really did need to talk to the guy.

Minutes passed and I found myself waiting just inside the drug store to keep warm. Finally, a familiar car pulled up to the curb and I walked back outside, immediately throwing my cane and my body into the passengers seat. It was then I turned my head to glare at the man beside me. His hair was greasy and pushed back, and everything about him disgusted me. And it only got worse as he grinned at me, showing off his blackened teeth.

I wanted to hurl.

But I did have to talk to him, and I did need to talk to him before all the thoughts went out of my head. So as soon as Erwin started to drive, I spoke.

“Are you still selling?”

I could feel Erwin glance at me between looking at the road ahead of us. “Why? Are you interested?”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “No. I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

“As I told you, I’m only dealing pot.”

“Are you lying?”

Erwin paused for a moment as he made a left turn before shaking his head. “No.”

I kept my eyes on the side of his head, glaring with all the daggers I could muster. “Why is it that Eren has a giant paper bag of drugs in his drawers? Why is it that he has the same ecstasy that you have?”

The man beside me stayed quiet for another moment as he made another turn, and I was sort of grateful that despite his bad habits, he was still a decent driver when he was sober. He stopped at a red light and turned to look at me, eyes squinting.

“I’m not the only one in town with that brand of E, Levi. But yes, he did get that from me but he got that from me months ago. In fact…” he trailed off and his attention was back on the road once the light had turned green. “In fact, I know I sold him a shit ton of things before the semester started and I can assure you, and I will swear upon the grave of my ancestors that I have only sold weed to him since.”

I stayed quiet as I tried to work out what the man had just told me. 

“Besides,” he continued. “why are you complaining? I know you enjoyed it when we took it.”

“Erwin.” I warned, turning my head away from him. “Yes, it made it interesting and it made it feel different but look what all of it has done to you. You’re falling apart in front of everyone around you.”

I glanced over to see Erwin’s grip tighten on the steering wheel as he continued to weave through the early afternoon traffic. Being the weekend of Thanksgiving, the streets weren’t as bad as they usually were.

“I know.” he finally said, much to my surprise. “I see the way people look at me these days, and it hurts to know that they find me repulsive. But I can’t go back to looking like I once did. I could get off of everything my body has come to rely on, but it can’t fix the years of damaged it’s caused me.”

My eyes widened as I listened to the man speak, surprised by his words. It was the first time in a long time that I’d heard him speaking sincerely.

“Levi, I want to quit but I’m scared of the withdrawals and what it will do to me. I don’t exactly regret the things I’ve done, but I do regret the parts where I’ve ruined what I could have become.”

I had to turn away from the drivers side at that and watched as the town passed out the window. He wasn’t saying things exactly, but things were starting to fall into place.

I needed to talk to Eren.

Though as I focused on where we actually were in town, I realized the rest of my days plans were more skewed than I had thought.

“I figured you’d drop me off at home…” I muttered, looking out the window and up at the large white building that Erwin lived in.

The man beside me turned the car off with a sigh and I turned back to look at him to find him looking at me.

“Is it so bad that I actually want to hang out with you?” he asked, popping the door open.

I considered his words for a moment before slowly nodding. “Fine. But the first thing you do that pisses me off, I’m leaving.”

Erwin paused before pushing himself out of his seat. “Fair enough.”

After scrambling out of the car, I limped after Erwin and he lead me upstairs. The building looked exactly like I remembered it, and I was surprised by the fact that Erwin was able to stay living in the same spot with how he had been living his life as of late.

I pushed the judgemental thoughts aside as we walked into his apartment. I was impressed by the lack of mess as I kicked off my shoes.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Erwin said as he walked into the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?”

I looked around the all too familiar space before turning to look at the blond. “Just some water.”

He nodded and I continued my way into the living room, immediately falling into the cushions of his black leather couch, setting my bag at my feet. I looked around from where I sat and noted that nothing had really changed. The television sat across from the couch and was mounted on the wall with a shelf underneath. A black coffee table sat in front of me with a few scratches here and there from constant use. There were a few coins and an ashtray to one side, while small empty zip lock bags and a shoebox were on the other. 

I looked back up as Erwin came back into the room with two glasses of water. I took the one that was offered to me and nodded before sitting it on the table to reach into my bag and pull out one of the bottles of pills I had just received from the pharmacy. I shook a couple Vicodin out into my hand before replacing the bottle. Before I had a chance to swallow the pills however, I could feel Erwin’s eyes burning into the side of my head from where he sat on the other end of the couch.

“What?” I asked slowly, squinting one of my eyes as I held the pills in front of my face.

He stayed quiet, eyes on the medication before moving them up to meet mine.

“Have you ever tried pot?”

I closed my eyes at his question and sighed. I quickly took the two pills with half the glass of water before sitting it back down on the table.

“You know I have.” I finally answered, and I heard Erwin chuckle.

“I know you have. Seriously though, I mean after the accident. For pain.”

I sat back more into the couch and slowly let myself relax. I really had forgotten how comfortable the couch was.

“No, of course not. You know I didn’t want to touch any of that after.. you know.” I muttered, feeling my face betray me as a light blush took over my cheeks.

There was a brief silence as I didn’t want to speak, and Erwin sipped his water.

“If you ever want to-“

“Erwin.” I warned, knowing where he was going with his words.

“Levi, let me explain.” he said and I gave him the silence he asked for. “If you ever want to try it, let me know. Its true that I do not know what kind of pain you are going through, but I do know that it will help you.”

I closed my eyes as I listened to the man and slowly nodded. I really didn’t want to smoke it, or eat it, or take it but I knew he was telling me these things for actual medical purposes. I couldn’t help but feel a small bit of gratefulness for that. 

Erwin had always been kindhearted, he had just taken a path down a dark road and my trust with him broke like a twig in the wind.

When I had reopened my eyes, Erwin was leaning forward and had the shoebox on the table opened. The contents looked similar to what was in Eren’s drawers and I looked away. 

“I still want to know why the kid has all that.” I mumbled, looking out onto the balcony. The clouds had rolled in and the afternoon sun was trying its hardest to break through the cover. Rain was coming, and the aching in my bones made a little bit more sense.

I heard the lid go back on the shoe box and I turned back to see what Erwin was doing. He had a small pouch filled with green sitting in front of him, with three white papers sitting beside that.

“I really wish I could tell you. He wanted pot to begin with…” he explained as he parted equal amounts of the weed onto the papers. “So I sold him that. That went on for a little while, and then just before the semester started, he wanted a bunch of other stuff because he was going to a party, or something. From what I remember, anyway.”

I watched as Erwin continued to work, rolling each of the joints with care and licking the paper to keep them together.

“I mean, that was my biggest sale in a long time, and he basically cleared me out. Maybe it’s just what wasn’t used.” he suggested with a shrug before turning his attention to me. 

“But why does he still-“

“Levi.” Erwin said, cutting me off. His voice was hard, and not a tone I was used to coming from him. He closed his eyes for a moment, as if calming himself down. “Levi, you need to ask him yourself. Did you let him explain?”

Erwin turned back to the table and opened one of the drawers that was underneath. He pulled out a small zip lock bag and threw the three joints into it before doing it up.

“Well, no. I found it and left.” I admitted, looking to the couch cushion beside me. The conversations were starting to feel redundant.

“There you go. You need to talk to him, Levi.”

I sighed quietly and closed my eyes before slowly nodding my head. I stayed quiet for a moment as all the thoughts swirled through my head, and I was brought back to reality when I felt something land in my lap. I looked down to see the zip lock bag of joints on me.

“Erwin…” I trailed off, not wanting to touch the bag.

“Levi, hear me out. If your medication is ever not enough, or you need to calm your nerves, this will help. I can guarantee that. And it’s my own personal good stuff that I don’t share with just anyone.”

“I don’t know…”

“I’m not pushing you into smoking it. I’m giving you the option. What is your doctor giving you now?”

I glanced up at him, unsure of what to really share with him but I found my mouth betraying me anyway. “Vicodin and Oxy.”

Erwin’s eyes widened at the second name and he slowly nodded. “Trust me with this. You’ll be much happier smoking this than taking that.”

I held the bag up in front of me and mumbled to myself. “I suppose it is cheaper.”

At that, I heard Erwin chuckle as he finally sat back into the couch. “I will even cut you a deal.”

“Always the gentleman.”

Surprisingly enough, I managed to stay at Erwin’s for a few hours before I absolutely needed to go home. My legs were starting to burn from sitting and the tightness of my jeans, and I needed relief. I knew Erwin would have no problem with me walking around his apartment with no pants, but I definitely preferred doing it in the privacy of my own home.

The man was kind enough to drop me back off at my apartment and I slowly made my way up the stairs after a short goodbye. As I walked down the hall after getting out of the elevator, my eyes were trained on Eren’s door.

I could talk to him.

I should talk to him.

I needed to know the answers.

I stopped in front of both of our doors before turning to walk in through my own.

I kicked my shoes off immediately upon entering my apartment and made my way to my room. I quickly shed all of my layers before pulling on my comfy pair of pajama bottoms. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out the new bottles of pills, along with the three joints that Erwin had made me before making my way into the kitchen. The bottles were set down with my daily pill dispensers and I quickly sorted them out. I pushed them to the side before opening one of the drawers near the kitchen door that had become somewhat of a junk drawer. It took a few moments of rummaging, but the pink lighter found its way into my hand and once again, I grabbed the zip lock bag, and walked towards the living room.

I set the two items down on the table before collapsing on the couch. And I stared at the two things as though they offended me just by being in my apartment. True enough, marijuana wasn’t my main issue. I wasn’t a fan of drugs, but this particular one was the least of my worries.

And I continued to glare at the joints. And my joints continued to ache. And the more I sat there, the worse it felt and I found myself leaning forward to fish one of the joints out of the bag. I popped the end into my mouth and immediately lit up before I could change my mind.

I breathed the smoke in and felt the burn that I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. I leaned back into the couch as I exhaled and closed my eyes before taking another drag.

I hated to admit that I was actually enjoying myself.

I leaned forward every so often to flick the ash on the table, cursing to myself at forgetting a small bowl or a plate. It was unlike me to forget such things.

But as I came to the end of the smoke, I could already feel it working its magic. My head felt light, and my body felt like it did before the accident. Nothing felt wrong, and everything felt right. Hell, I was pretty sure I could do a jig if I wanted to.

I closed my eyes after I butted out the end of the smoke and instantly relaxed into the couch. Despite the smelly smoke around me, I felt good.

Though that good feeling only lasted for a short while as a knock interrupted my daze.

I blinked my eyes open before pushing myself up off of the couch. My head was still swimming and I knew I probably looked higher than anything. I made it to the door after a moment and part of me regretted not looking through the peephole as my eyes met with bright green.

I was about to close the door on him, but Eren’s free hand lifted up and stopped it from closing. And I had next to no energy to fight him on it.

“What?” I snapped, trying to get my head out of the clouds.

Eren stayed still with his eyes on me, and I looked down to see a paper bag in the hand that wasn’t on the door.

“Are you baked?” he asked, a sort of deja vu hitting me.

I looked up at him with wide eyes, and I knew he could smell it. There was no getting away from it and I couldn’t stop the smirk that crossed my face.

“Like a god damn cake, brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might introduce Eren's POV. Maybe. Possibly. We'll see...


	10. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe we can say this is the calm before the storm. Eren's POV, enjoy~

I woke up to the bed shaking slightly and quiet footsteps on the floor. I listened closely as I kept my eyes closed and heard the steps stop, and the drawers on my dresser open. A small smile crept across my face as the visual of Levi in one of my shirts swam across my mind and I pushed myself up and rubbed my eyes because it was a sight I had to see for myself.

But what I saw was the last thing I wanted to see. Even in the dark, the hurt that was in the man’s face in front of me, broke me. And the question I hadn’t asked yet was answered as my eyes followed his arm and a small bag of powder hung in his fingertips.

And then panic.

“No, no, no. Levi, that-“ was all I could get out before Levi cut me off.

“I can’t do this again, Eren.” he said, closing his eyes and dropping the coke back into the drawer. “Not again, not again. Erwin was enough. I can’t.”

His voice cracked as he spoke and I scrambled to get out of the bed and untangled from the sheets. Of course, that only made the situation worse because I only got more tangled and found myself falling face first off of the bed and into the floor.

“Levi, wait!” I called as I could hear him grabbing his belongings that were at the foot of my bed.

“No, Eren. I’m not going down this road.”

“Hear me out—”

“No! I’ve done this enough already.”

I finally scrambled to my feet and saw that he had thrown his jacket on haphazardly over his bare torso and slid his bag over his shoulder, and his cane in the opposite hand. He couldn’t look me in the eye and I wanted so much to explain myself.

“It’s not—”

“Eren.” he said quietly, cutting me off once more. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before turning around to walk out of my room.

My chest was aching and I could feel my eyes starting to burn. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want it to end like this. I had grown so attached to the man in the last few months that I couldn’t let this happen.

But I let it happen.

Moments later, as I was stuck paralyzed in my room, the door to my apartment opened and closed quietly and I felt my knees go weak before falling back onto the bed. I turned my head to the clock after a few minutes to check the time and groaned. It was four in the morning and there was no way in hell I was about to get back to sleep. And as stubborn as I was, I knew that dragging this out at this time of the morning with Levi would only end up worse than it already was.

So I laid on my bed in silence and stared at the ceiling.

It was nine by the time I pushed myself back out of bed. Everything was still fresh in my mind and everything hurt, after having everything play over and over in my head the past few hours. The relationship between Levi and myself hadn’t been set in stone, but after last night, I was hoping that it would go somewhere. I had plans to make him breakfast in bed and spend the day with him watching movies, or something. This was definitely not in the plans.

I ran my hands through my hair before pulling out a pair of boxers from the top drawer of my dresser. I let them hang low on my hips, not even caring about my appearance in the slightest. Armin wasn’t home for a couple more days, and I didn’t expect anyone else to show up unannounced.

I stood back from my dresser and leaned against the foot of my bed. The t-shirt drawer was still open and what Levi had found was still in plain sight. I stared at it for a few minutes before a growl escaped the back of my throat and I pushed myself from the bed to walk to find the pants I had been wearing the night before. And my stomach dropped when I found them, as they had been hiding under the shirt Levi had been wearing the night before. I picked it up and held it to my chest for a second before continuing on to search my jeans until I found my phone.

I stood back up and placed the shirt on the bed before quickly scrolling through my contacts. Finding the person I needed to talk to the most, I slammed my finger down on the call button and pressed the phone to my ear.

And it rang. And rang. And rang. And—

“Eren, why are you calling so early?” a very groggy voice answered, and my anger started to bubble up within me more than it was.

“I am fucking pissed off at you, asshole.” I growled, clenching my empty hand into a fist.

There was a shuffling on the other end and after hearing a door sliding open and shut, the boy on the other end finally spoke up.

“What is this about, Jaeger? What have I done now?”

I took a deep breath as I tried to calm my nerves before speaking again. “Levi found it.”

“Levi found what?”

“Levi found _your_ fucking drugs. The shit you said you would get rid of _soon_. It’s been three fucking months, and now he probably thinks I’m some sort of junkie.”

“What? Do you just lay that shit in the open?”

“What? No! Of course not, it’s in my dresser.”

“Why was he in your dresser?”

“To get a shirt cause he was cold — that is not the god damn point, Jean.” I growled, pinching the bridge of my nose. “You need to get this shit out of here.”

There was a brief pause on Jean’s side with some muffled voices before he spoke again, much quieter than he had been. “I will, I will. I just can’t have that shit around when Marco is here. He has no idea.”

I barked out a laugh as I shook my head. “Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t let your beloved boyfriend know about what you like to do in your spare time, but I can fuck up a potentially good relationship?”

“What, are you fucking the broccoli cheese soup guy?”

“Why the fuck am I friends with you?” I asked, not even wanting to acknowledge his question with a response.

“It started because you liked my d—”

“ _Jean!_ ” I shouted before taking a few deep breaths, trying to keep my anger under control. “Just come get your fucking drugs or so help me god, pray that I keep my mouth shut around Marco.”

“Eren.” Jean’s tone was one of warning at my words, and deep down I would never actually sink so low to tell Marco about Jean’s life. I knew that was Jean’s story to tell. “Please do not.”

“Get your ass over here. Take your god damn drugs. Hide them, burn them, I don’t care. Just get them out of my apartment.” I paused for a moment before tacking on. “Preferably before Armin get’s back from his grandfather’s.”

“Does he not know?”

“Of course not, you horse-faced fuck.”

I could hear Jean sigh on the other end before speaking again. “Why am I friends with you again?”

I rolled my eyes at the repeat of the question, and in a tone mocking his own from earlier, “Because you like my ass.”

“Eren…”

“Goodbye Jean.”

And with that, I hung up the call and did my best to not throw the phone across the room at the wall.

The day continued on and I tried to distract myself with the television, and the internet, and even stupid games on my phone. But any time I thought I was free of the mornings events, everything came flooding back tenfold.

It was nearly dinner time and I had made it to my twelfth episode of How I Met Your Mother when the apartment phone started ringing to signal that someone was outside. I pushed myself up and walked to the kitchen to pick up the landline.

“Hello?”

“It’s Jean.”

Without another word, I pressed the button that would unlock the door downstairs before hanging up. I sighed quietly and quickly moved to my room, grabbing one of my hoodies from the closet before heading back into the hallway. It didn’t take long for Jean to get upstairs, and within minutes I was letting him into the apartment.

We stayed quiet as the boy kicked off his shoes and he followed me to my room. I took note of the backpack that he had on his back and was glad that he was finally getting rid of his things.

“Sorry about yelling this morning.” I muttered, pulling the drawer on my dresser open once again. I stood back after it was open and climbed up onto the foot of my bed.

Jean shook his head slowly and let the backpack fall off of his shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. I kind of deserved it if I actually screwed things up for you.”

I glanced up at him momentarily before looking back to my feet. “Just a bit.”

I heard rustling before the backpack was being unzipped. I looked up after a moment to see Jean starting to lift the paper bag from the drawer to transfer it into the bag.

“I’m probably going to be hosting a Christmas or New Years party.” Jean started, picking up a few smaller zip lock bags that had fallen into my drawer through the months. “I’ll get rid of this properly then.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and shake my head. “Why did you need to buy it in the first place?”

Jean sighed quietly and stepped over to the bed, heaving the bag up to sit beside me. “Because it’s who I am. I wanted people to have fun. It’s our first year of college—”

“Exactly, all the more reason you probably shouldn’t have bought it.”

Jean stared at me for a moment before sighing. He reached into the bag and searched for something through squinted eyes. Moments later he pulled out one of the small plastic baggies and held it up; inside were five round blue pills with the word ‘Sly’ etched into the middle. I quirked my brow at the sight before looking up at Jean, who had his signature smug smirk on his face.

“Well, I don’t recall you complaining when you had these, Jaeger.” he said quietly, side stepping so he was in front of me.

“That was one time…” I mumbled, looking away from him. It was a night of bad judgement that I tried to push to the back of my mind, but as I felt Jean’s hand move up to my cheek, everything came flooding back.

Memories of the alcohol, and the drugs pumping through my body. The prickling feeling on my skin, and all my senses going haywire from simple touches. Simple touches turned to simple kisses, which turned to sloppy kisses and staggering to find an unoccupied room. Losing clothes, losing footing and falling onto a desk followed that, and the feelings were damn near overwhelming. In that moment, I couldn’t get enough of Jean. I needed more, more, more…

I hadn’t realized my eyes had closed until Jean was turning my face towards his. We were mere inches apart and my heart felt like it had stopped. This was wrong. This was so wrong. And it continued to be wrong as Jean closed the gap and I could feel his lips on mine.

Within seconds I was pushing him away and swinging my hand, smacking my palm flat against his cheek. A low grown left the back of my throat as I glared up at him.

“Get out.”

“Eren…” he spoke quietly, eyes wide. As though he hadn’t realized what he had done.

“I won’t tell Marco about what you just pulled, but get out. Get the _fuck_ out of my apartment.” I shouted, not caring about the volume of my voice. I couldn’t care less if my neighbours heard me.

Jean paused for a moment, and as if reality finally hit him, I could see him start to stiffen up and physically start to panic. He hurriedly grabbed the backpack and bolted from my room, and I stayed put on my bed as tears started to prick at my eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was anger, or guilt, or a mix of the two but my emotions were getting the better of me.

It felt like eternity after I heard the door of the apartment open and close before I moved. I looked to the ground to see the bag that Jean had brought back out of his backpack laying on the ground and I sighed, closing my eyes. One small ziplock bag wasn’t as bad as what it had been.

I slid off the bed and bent down to grab the pills before tossing them onto the top of my dresser. And for the rest of the day, I curled up into a ball and continued my marathon of How I Met Your Mother in an attempt to forget about the world.

—————

I was partially grateful that I had to work the following day. I wasn’t even complaining that I was running on next to no sleep and working alone. The cafe was quiet for a Saturday, thanks to the majority of the students being away for Thanksgiving, and I kept myself busy cleaning everything top to bottom and drinking my weight in coffee. Anything to get my mind off of everything that happened yesterday.

It was closer to the end of my shift when I heard the bell over the door ring.

“Welcome to —“ I cut myself off when I looked up to see a ragged blond man standing at the counter. “Erwin.”

The man offered a friendly grin and leaned against the counter. “Eren. I’ll grab a small dark.” he reached into his back pocket with his free hand to grab his wallet as he ordered.

I slowly nodded and turned back to grab his drink. As soon as I had filled the paper cup, I walked back over and set it down in front of him.

“That’s a dollar.” I mumbled, grabbing the bill as it was handed to me. I had a weird feeling about this meeting, and it only grew the longer that Erwin stayed standing at the register.

“So, I talked with Levi.” he finally said after taking a sip of his coffee. My stomach dropped at that and I closed my eyes. Of course he did. “I suggest you explain yourself to him.”

I sighed and shook my head, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose. “I tried that yesterday, but he wouldn’t listen.”

I looked up to see Erwin looking back at me with a small smile. “I know. That is Levi for you.”

“Then why—“

“However, I just have this inkling that he might listen to you now.”

I frowned at that. “Why do you figure?”

Erwin paused as he took another few sips of his coffee before standing up to his full height. “I’ve known Levi for a long time, and I think it might be in your best interests to go see him when you’re off work. When are you off work?”

I kept my eyes on Erwin for a few moments before glancing down to the cash register, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head in surprise. “In about ten minutes.”

Erwin smiled against the lip of his cup and nodded. “Go to Levi, Eren.” he said before taking another swig. “By the way, what _did_ you do with the drugs?”

“They’re—”

I was cut off by the front door of the cafe opening as Sasha ran through. “Sorry, sorry I am running late!” she shouted as she rounded the counter and slipped into the back to change. I chuckled quietly and shook my head before turning back to Erwin.

“They’re taken care of and everything is gone. It wasn’t mine.”

I watched as Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed at that, cocking his head to the side. “It wasn’t yours?”

I slowly nodded. “This sounds so typical, but I was holding them for, and I say this loosely, a friend of mine since I picked it up for him from you. He finally got it from me yesterday.”

Erwin slowly nodded his head before finishing his cup of coffee. “Well, definitely go see Levi when you’re done. You both have some explaining to do, I think.”

And with that, Erwin turned on his heel and left the cafe, not before throwing out his paper cup.

Sasha joined me a few minutes later, still huffing and puffing. Her hair was frazzled and her cheeks were pink from the chill of the outside air.

“You’re by yourself today?” she asked finally, reaching up to fix her ponytail.

I looked around the cafe before turning back to her and nodded. “Yeah. Mrs. K was here earlier, but it’s been so dead that I told her to go home. Connie is still in at his normal time, so you’re not closing alone at least.”

The girl in front of me nodded and I took that as my cue to go to the back and hang up my apron and get my jacket. I walked back out to the front of the cafe and was about to walk to the door when I stopped in my tracks. Humming quietly to myself, I turned around and walked up to the counter.

“Hey, Sash? Can I grab a bowl of broccoli cheese? With a lid?”

Sasha looked at me from where she was pouring herself a mug of coffee before nodding. “Yeah, hang on.”

She set the coffee carafe back down and walked over to where the soup was kept, steaming away in a large pot.

“Just one?” she asked, turning to me after she had filled a bowl. I was about to nod before shaking my head and holding up two fingers. She filled a second bowl and tightly pressed a lid onto both. She carried them to the cash register and pulled a paper bag out from the shelf underneath before setting the two bowls gently inside.

“Thank you.” I mumbled, taking the bag from her when she rolled up the top.

“Dinner date?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows and I couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped me.

“Hopefully.” I finally said, lifting up the bag as I stepped away from the counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Eren.”

Driving to the apartment felt like it took a lifetime, when I really made it back in record time. I locked up the car and made my way upstairs, forcing my legs to move forward. When I had made it to our floor, my heart started pounding. I was getting nervous. I should not have been getting nervous. It was Levi.

Levi, who was mad at me.

I paused outside of Levi’s door, and something felt off. No, something _smelled_ off. With my free hand, I formed a fist and knocked on the door. Levi opened a few moments later, and as soon as he realized it was me standing in front of him, he made a move to close it back up. I was too quick, however, and with my free arm I once against raised it to stop the door from closing.

“What?” he snapped, eyebrows scrunching together. I stared back at the man, and a familiar scent was wafting on him. I squinted slightly before my eyes widened, realizing his eyes were redder than they should have been.

“Are you baked?” I asked.

His eyes widened at my question as realization struck him, and he smirked. “Like a god damn cake, brat.”

He pushed himself back from the door and walked back into his apartment, and I took the risk of following him in, closing the door behind me. I kicked off my shoes and quickly snuck into the kitchen to grab a couple spoons before walking into the living room where Levi had collapsed back onto the couch. I had so many questions in that moment as I set the bag with our soups down alongside the spoons, before sitting on the opposite end of the couch. I so badly just wanted to wrap my arms back around the smaller man, but I didn’t want to cross any boundaries either.

“Why are you…” my question trailed off before I could finish it as I leaned forward to pick up a zip lock bag containing two joints. Erwin knew this would happen.

“Cause I can make adult decisions.” Levi mumbled, lifting his head back up off of the back of the couch. He turned his head slowly in my direction, and I could see that he was having trouble focusing on me by the way he was squinting. “It’s made the pain go away, and I haven’t felt this great in a long time.”

I nodded as I set the joints back down on the table before moving to get one of the bowls of soup from the bag.

“I bought you some food.” I muttered, setting the bowl down on the table in front of Levi before pulling back the lid. “You might actually find it even tastier…” I added on with a quiet chuckle.

I was relieved to watch as Levi moved to eat the soup without complaint. After watching the other man take a few spoonfuls of his soup, I grabbed the second bowl for myself just as my stomach began to rumble. We ate quietly together, and part of me was grateful that we could still do this despite what happened.

But of course, the silence was not meant to last and as soon as Levi was done with his soup, I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head. I turned to look at him and he raised his eyebrows.

“So, Eren…” he trailed off, shifting on the couch to face me. “Why do you have all those drugs?”

It was a simple question, and a question I was more than ready to answer. I set the soup bowl back down on the table and turned my attention to Levi, mocking the way he sat so we were facing one another. I took a deep breath as I tried to scramble for the words I needed to make sense.

And I began to speak. I explained how I had already been buying weed off of Erwin, and how Jean had wanted more stuff for a party. I explained how Jean had given me the money with a list of what he wanted, and I explained that the drugs, in the end, did not belong to me. I explained how I was holding them for Jean, until he could take them off my hands or until they were used at parties by people other than myself. I explained that, yes, I had used one or two things in the bag but it wasn’t anything like what it _looked_ like.

“And I will promise you, and swear up and down that I am not like Erwin. I don’t depend on the things that were in that paper bag. I don’t need them in my day to day life. I smoke when I want to relax and feel good. I experiment at parties, but I don’t _need_ it. I may be a dumb college kid, but I like to think my common sense isn’t completely broken. I don’t plan to throw my life away.” I said, relaxing my hands from their balled up state in my lap. I hadn’t realized I was so tense throughout my speech.

Levi watched me, speechless. I was hoping he got everything I had said. I knew he had problems with how sometimes I spoke too quickly, and I learned to slow myself down and speak clearer in his presence. And when he finally nodded, I relaxed a little more.

“And, to continue on this path of honesty…” I continued, biting the inside of my lip as I paused. “When Jean took away the drugs, he kissed me. He was taunting me with something we did at the party before the semester started. And I know we aren’t really officially anything, but I feel so guilty even though I pushed him away and bitched slapped his stupid, stupid face. Like, full palm as hard as I could across his face…” I looked back to Levi who had tilted his head to the side, and I sighed. “I just want to get everything like that out there. I don’t want to hide anything from you, because I have this good feeling with you. Like things between us could be really great.”

I watched as Levi’s eyes widened at my words before he looked down at his lap. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I felt as though if I stood up, I’d fall right back over due to feeling weak.

“Isn’t Jean with Marco?” he asked quietly, glancing back up at me. I nodded. “What is your relationship with Jean?”

My eyes didn’t leave Levi’s as I mulled over the words. “We went to high school together. We’ve known each other for a long time. He’s not a complete asshole sometimes. And we slept together at that party…”

“We have more in common than I figured.” he said, scratching the back of his head. “And the acid, and the coke, and the E and whatever the fuck else in that bag, it’s all gone?”

I nodded. “I just have my weed, which I’ve always had and you’ve known about. And a tiny bag of E that Jean dropped as he tried to escape my wrath, which I have every intention of returning.”

At that, Levi pushed himself up onto his knees on the couch and moved closer to me.

“Eren.”

“Levi.”

“I want to apologize for acting the way I did.” he said quietly, lowering himself back onto the couch right in front of me, stretching his legs out in front of him to sit on either side of me.

“You don’t need to—”

“No, I need to.” Levi’s voice was soft as he spoke, eyes on everything but me. “I should have stayed to hear you out, but I was so scared I was going to deal with another Erwin. I couldn’t see you turning out like him. I couldn’t sit back and watch you slowly die from the inside. I couldn’t bear to sit back and watch you throw your life away. And I was scared I was going to. But it was him and Petra that got me to realize that I needed to talk to you, and that I was wrong for leaving. I needed time to think it all out.” Levi’s slow speaking was growing on me, and I sat patiently as he made his way through what he wanted to say. “And so, I am really sorry that I did that.”

With shaky limbs, I lifted my hands up to cup the man’s face. His eyes finally locked on mine at that and a small smile spread across my lips. “We are both at fault, and we are both sorry. And I would like very much to start this over.”

Levi nodded with his head still in my hands and the smallest of smirks found their way onto his face. “Hey. Earl grey tea and a bowl of broccoli cheddar?”

The smile on my face widened at his question and I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped. “Okay, that will come to four dollars and fifty cents.”

The man in front of me nodded slowly and moved closer to me, more or less sitting in my lap. I let my hands fall from his face as his own moved up to cup mine, own bringing it down to brush his lips against mine. It was soft and as innocent as ever, but I was grateful to kiss him once more. Things felt as though they were falling back into place where they belonged.


	11. All I Want For Christmas Is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow cliche title is cliche. ANYWAY, this is a little bit shorter than normal, and I'm sorry. Also, I am doing NaNoWriMo this year and so that is my main thing this month, but I do hope to get to work on this as well! That being said, all the prompts and things in my ask will probably be put on hold (unless I get stuck in a rut) so I will be MIA for a bit. If I feel confident in what I am writing for the novel, I may share it. It's filled with my own original characters and not in any way a fic, for a change. That being said, I hope you enjoy~

The month of December went smoothy after finally talking to Eren. The weeks leading up to Christmas were, dare I say, some of the best I’d had. Eren always found the time to come to my apartment, or me to his. We’d gotten into the habit of waking up with one another, and going to sleep with one another. It was a comfortable routine that we both fell into without once questioning it. And despite the fact that I was never one to do this sort of thing before the accident, I had to admit, it was nice knowing someone was coming home to me, and that I had someone to come home to.

The pain was staying at bay for the most part, thanks to Erwin. I hated the fact that I had fallen victim to his selling, but it was working a hell of a lot better than the prescription drugs that Dr. Jaeger had me on. Not only that, it was something that Eren and i could enjoy together, and I think it helped bring us closer in the end.

The days leading up to Christmas were hectic. Eren was panicking because he wanted to spend it with me, especially considering it was my birthday, but he was roped in to going to his parents for the day. And no matter how many times I told him it was okay, and that I had the annual dinner at Petra’s to go to anyway, he still got himself worked up until I kissed him and told him to breathe.

“I just want to see you on your birthday.” he mumbled on Christmas Eve and couldn’t help but laugh quietly.

“Are you spending the night at your parents’?” I asked, tilting my head to the side as I brushed my hand against his cheek.

He’d gotten the day off from the cafe and we had decided on a cheesy Christmas movie marathon for the day. Armin had left earlier in the day to head back to his Grandfather’s, and Eren had left his apartment almost immediately after to join me.

He slowly shook his head. “No, I’m staying home.”

“See? Then you’ll see me tomorrow morning before you go over there.” I leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his bottom lip. “Okay?”

That seemed to calm him, for the moment, and a small smile spread across his lips. “Okay.”

And with that, we had turned back to the movie with arms wrapped around each other, stealing kisses any chance we got.

I had to admit, waking up the following morning was a bit of a surprise. A pleasant one, definitely, but a surprise nonetheless.

I woke up with this incredible sensation working it’s way around my body, and I couldn’t help the pleasure-filled groan that escaped me. I reached out for Eren, but his side of the bed was empty and it concerned me only for a second until my brain registered where the source of what I was feeling was.

I peeked open my eyes and looked down to see a lump under the covers. I raised my eyebrow as a small smirk made it’s way onto my face, and Eren’s mouth once more wrapped around the head of my cock, swirling his tongue around in teasing motions until I was gasping.

As I felt him pull off and move his hand around the base, I took the chance to lift the top of the blanket and peek in under the covers. With the dim light coming in from the window, I could see a trail of silvery saliva from Eren’s lips to the tip of my dick and I couldn’t help but suck in a breath at the sight. If Eren had noticed I had moved the covers, he sure didn’t act like it as he leaned forward once more to get back to work with his mouth.

I dropped the covers once more as he bobbed his head. The feeling of his tongue slowly teasing up the underside of my cock forced my back to painfully arch. Still half asleep, everything was hitting me harder than normal and I knew I was close.

“E-Eren…” I managed to breathe out, and it was enough for him to hear me as I could feel him smiling around my length. And he continued to work and I continued to squirm until I couldn’t handle it anymore, and with next to no warning on my end, I let go as stars circled my head and the boy under the covers kept up a rhythm to get everything he could.

A few moments later, the lump under the covers shifted and Eren poked his head out beside me, face flushed and hair poking in every direction. He grinned widely at me, while I looked back at him with blurry, tired eyes.

“Happy birthday, Levi.” he said softly, leaning down to press his lips against my own.

And in that moment, I could care less about tasting myself on his lips, and I deepened the kiss. I pushed my tongue past his lips to explore his mouth, which he didn’t put much of a fight up over. One of my hands moved up to his hair as the other arm wrapped around him to pull him closer. Both of his hands were in my hair, tugging the strands gently between his fingers before finally pulling away, breathless.

“What about you?” I asked, words slurring together as I was still exhausted. I had no idea what time it was, but the light coming in from the window told me it was still the ass crack of dawn.

Eren shook his head slowly, and in turn brushed his nose against mine.

“Don’t worry about me this morning. It’s your birthday.”

I whined quietly and poked out my bottom lip. “But it’s Christmas!”

The boy over me chuckled and shook his head again. “I know.” he stole a quick kiss before continuing. “But as much as I would love to stay here and fuck you until the sun goes back down, I told my parents I’d be at their place by nine. And it’s eight.”

I raised my eyebrow at the way he had worded his sentence before laughing quietly. “You’re such a charmer, you know?”

“You love it.” he said before quickly kissing me once more and rolling out of bed, visibly hard as he rummaged the floor for his clothes before disappearing out of my room before I could say anything.

And his words rang through my head and a smile grew on my face.

And maybe I felt stronger than I thought.

I was sad to see Eren leave that morning after he had a quick shower, in all honesty. I would have turned in anything just to spend a quiet day home with him, but I knew that his family came first. That, and Petra would have killed me for missing dinner for a second year in a row.

Though, I’m certain my being in a hospital bed the previous year was a better reason.

I was picked up that afternoon by Erwin, who I was surprised to hear on the intercom. I hadn’t gone to Christmas dinner last year, considering I was still in the hospital, so I had put him being there out of my mind. It wasn’t all bad though, we were back on civil speaking terms after all. Hell, dare I say we were friends again.

The car ride to Petra’s was quiet, aside from questions about daily life things shooting back and forth, and when we pulled up in front of the house, there was a long pause. I turned my head to look at Erwin, who sat with his hand on the keys that were still in the ignition. He stared forward, as though deep in thought and he didn’t look at me until I spoke up.

“You okay?”

He jumped slightly and turned to me before smiling. “Yeah, of course. Hey, I have a gift for you.”

“Shouldn’t we go inside? Also, didn’t we agree on no gifts?” I asked, frowning. I hadn’t bought any of them anything. I did want to, but it was the agreement between Petra, Hanji and myself.

Erwin sighed quietly and reached behind his seat, craning his neck awkwardly so he could see. He rummaged for a moment before sitting back up and handing me a brown paper bag. I could already smell the contents.

“I figured you wouldn’t want this to be given to you in front of them anyway.” he said quietly, nodding towards the house. “Leave it in here until we leave, okay?”

It wasn’t so much of a gift than something I’ve been relying on a little too heavily lately, but I nodded and offered the man a smile. “Thank you, Erwin.”

“If the pain gets too bad—“

“I know, thank you.” I said, cutting him off before opening the passenger side door to crawl out.

Cane in hand and a bottle of wine in the other, I made my way up the pathway to Petra’s door which swung open before I could get up the porch steps. Erwin clicked the lock on his car and jogged up behind me after a few seconds and the auburn-haired girl welcomed us into her home.

Aside from my cane and the permanent pain coursing through my body, Christmas dinner hadn’t changed at all. The meal was prepared by Petra and Hanji, who both worked magic in the kitchen. We played games and chatted amongst ourselves until dinner was served. The small talk continued over ham and scalloped potatoes before I was being bombarded with questions about Eren. The topic thankfully strayed away from Eren, and I realized I really wanted him to be there.

After we had finished eating, the dinner party moved from the kitchen table to the living room where we drank our wine and nibbled on chocolates. I took my meds when I needed them, and everything was under control.

“Does anyone know what is happening for New Years?” Hanji asked later that evening once we had all downed a few glasses of wine. I knew I’d be cabbing home.

I looked around the room, slowly shaking my head.

“If nothing else, we can have a party here, or something?” Petra offered with a shrug, leaning against the girl sitting beside her. “I haven’t heard of anything myself.”

“Erwin, what about you?”

All eyes were on the blond sitting on one of the armchairs. He looked up as he thought, eyebrows furrowed before slowly shaking my head. “Beats me.” he turned to me a moment later, lifting his eyebrow. “Have you got plans with Eren?”

My heart sped up at just the sound of his name, and I could feel my face turning red just from that. Thankfully, I could blame it on the alcohol. I shook my head.

“We haven’t discussed anything about New Years…” I said, trailing off. It hadn’t been on my mind at all. “I’m sure we’ll be doing something.” I quickly added, looking down to my empty wine glass.

Fortunately for me and my buzzed brain, the night wound down and I had received a text from Eren asking where I was. I grinned to myself as I texted him back, letting him know I was still at Petra’s and I was happy to know he was leaving his parents and on his way home. He asked me for Petra’s address, and within minutes he was pulling up in front of her house.

The farewells were kept short as I hobbled through the house, and Erwin accompanied me outside to grab my “gift” from his car. And, as a sort of way to say thank you through my drunk haze, I reached up and wrapped my arm around the taller man’s neck with my free arm after shoving the paper bag under my arm that held my cane. I whispered a quiet thank you before letting go, and without another word, I slipped into the passenger seat of Eren’s car.

“Did you have fun?” he asked as he pulled back into the road to drive in the direction of his apartment.

I turned to look at him as a small smile spread across my face at the sight. My heart flipped and tumbled and it felt weird, but I liked the feeling of it. I liked it a lot, and I could get used to it.

This was something I could get used to.

The ride back to the apartment was quiet as I tried to stay awake. I could feel the pain starting to flare up in the background of my intoxication and I knew that taking another pill was not going to be wise. We made it home soon enough and Eren helped me up to my apartment.

I collapsed on my bed with a loud groan as my legs hung over the end of my bed. I was full, drunk and tired and as I peeked my eyes back open, Eren was looking back down at me with a hint of a smirk.

“What are you looking at?” I slurred quietly, reaching up with my free hand to rub my eyes.

“What’s in the bag?” he asked, stepping right up to the edge of the bed, fitting between my knees. It was then that I realized the paper bag from Erwin was still shoved under my arm.

“A gift from Erwin.” I mumbled, handing it over to the boy. He took it and his eyebrows raised once he opened it.

“Damn…” he mumbled before sniffing. “Wow.”

I couldn’t help the quiet laugh that escaped from his reaction and I threw my arm over my face. “I think he’s trying to win back my friendship or some shit and I hate that it is working.” I slurred, moving my arm back. “The fucking room won’t stop spinning.”

Eren, or two Eren’s tilted their head to the side, keeping all four eyes on me. “You going to be okay?” they asked, and I closed my eyes once more.

“I guess. I haven’t had that much wine since the accident.” I admitted as a hiccup jumped from my mouth. “Fuck.”

Eren laughed quietly and I could feel him move away from the bed. There was a shuffling, before quiet, before shuffling of feet once more.

“Here, drink this.” he said as he walked back into the room with a glass of water. I pushed myself slowly up on the bed and took the glass from him, chugging it back as quickly as I could. It was as though I had been walking through the desert for three weeks. I handed the empty glass back to him and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “I’ll get more.”

“Wait.” I reached out, grasping the hem of his shirt, only then realizing he had taken off his jacket and I was still fully in mine. I frowned as I tried to get the words back in order and looked at him. “What are we doing for New Years?”

He looked at me with a puzzled stare before understanding. “Actually, I got a text from Ymir saying she’s throwing a party and we are invited.”

I frowned again and looked to the floor. The name was familiar, very familiar. I had heard it before, but I couldn’t place it.

“Ymir?” I finally asked, unable to place it.

“Oh! She works at the hospital and is our friend Krista’s girlfriend, whom we’ve known for a while.”

I stayed quiet as I wracked my brain, because Ymir was a very familiar name to me. “I know that name.” And then it clicked. “Oh fuck, she works with Hanji. I remember she covered her shift once a few weeks before I got out.”

“Yeah, she’s a couple years older than us. She’s only been at the hospital for like two years.”

I slowly nodded and finally pushed off my jacket. “That will be good, then. Petra, Hanji and Erwin were asking what we were doing.”

Eren hummed quietly and left the room with the empty glass. I took the opportunity to get back on my feet and hobble to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. As I moved to leave the bathroom, Eren stopped me in the doorway and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m gonna go across the hall for a minute, I’ll be right back.” he said and I nodded.

I watched as he left the apartment and I hobbled back to my room, once again collapsing into the cloud like mattress. The room had stopped spinning like it had been before and for that I was grateful. I rolled over to see Eren had put the paper bag on my nightstand, and I reached over for it. There was a lot more inside than I had originally thought, but I knew I’d use it. With a sigh, I sat the bag back down and opened the nightstand drawer to fish out the small rectangular box that held a small, bright orange pipe. With nimble fingers, I packed the bowl and lit up as Eren stepped back into the room.

“You were too quick for me.” he said with a laugh. He had lost the clothes that he had worn during the day, and had changed into a pair of black sweatpants and green hoodie that he had left unzipped over his bare chest. In his hands was a small black bag.

“I will still share.” I said with a small smile on my lips, holding the pipe up in offering but my eyes stayed on the bag. “What’s in the bag?” I asked, almost mocking him from earlier.

“A gift.”

I nibbled the inside of my lip at that and felt blood rushing to my cheeks. “We agreed on no Christmas gifts, Eren…”

Eren sighed quietly and walked around to his side of the bed before crawling up. “I know, I know. And it’s not a Christmas gift.”

“Eren.”

“It’s a birthday gift.”

I rolled my eyes at that and he sat the bag in my lap, in turn, I handed the pipe and lighter over to him. I watched as he took the hit before my eyes trailed back to the bag in front of me. I pulled out a few pieces of tissue before finding a small, rectangular box much like the one that was currently sitting on my nightstand. I glanced over at Eren, who was watching me with excitement in his eyes before pulling the box from the bag and opening it.

“You liked my elephant one, so I decided to get you a matching one.” he said quietly as I pulled the device from the box. “And I know you only have the one,” he added, gesturing to the pipe residing in his fingers, “so I figured you needed another. Even if you don’t want to use it, because I know it’s kind of weird smoking out of an elephant’s trunk.

I rolled the glass piece around in my fingers, moving my thumbs over the details in the trunk. I had always had a fascination with the shapes they came in, even when I wasn’t smoking. It was an art form, in a way, and I could appreciate it.

I turned to Eren and smiled after setting the pipe back in the box securely.

“Thank you.”

And just the two simple words made Eren’s face light up with the brightest smile I’d seen all day, and I could feel my heart swell and my body buzz from more than just intoxication. Because I could feel something new bubbling within my gut. And maybe it wasn’t completely new, maybe it was something that had been on the back burner for a while, but it was there. And it was making itself known. And I leaned forward to press my lips against Eren’s in any hope for the words to not slip up; to mute my words with his mouth. My tongue against his, teeth grazing lips and hands in his hair.

But as I pulled back from the kiss for air, the words were still waiting to jump off my tongue and I could see confusion in Eren’s eyes as he looked at me.

“What is on your mind?” he asked quietly, still gripping the orange piece of glass and lighter tightly in his hand.

My eyes roamed his face, and my heart pounded hard enough I was sure the neighbours could hear. Blood was pumping through my body, buzzing in my ears and everything was on high alert. And nothing was leaving my mouth, because the words I wanted to say were stuck. It was too soon, it was too soon.

I gulped. I felt a wave of panic wash over me. It was too soon. It was too soon.

There is no such thing as too soon.

You can’t fight what the heart wants, but my brain was functioning at the slowest rate its been since I woke up from the coma.

“I,” Pause, “Most definitely, without a doubt…” Pause.

“Levi?” Eren’s eyebrows had furrowed and he cocked his head to the side. I closed my eyes, because I knew what I wanted to say. But I was fighting the battle against myself. I knew I felt it, I knew I felt it but I knew it was too soon. But who is to say it was too soon.

“Love you.” I finally got out, eyes widening at the realization that I had spoken the words. My heart was jumping and skipping and I could have died from the sporadic behaviour.

And Eren’s eyes were wide, and his face was flushed and I watched as he turned around to set the pipe on the other nightstand, along with the black bag that was still sitting in my lap, with the box inside. And his lips were on mine, and his hands were in my hair, fingers gently grazing through the shaved bit at the back of my head. He pushed me onto my back and crawled onto me, deepening the kiss with every movement he made, and I took everything in. The way his tongue felt against the roof of my mouth, and the way his hands worked up the bottom of my shirt and I concentrated on the way he smelled and tasted, and the way his heart was beating as quick as mine as my hands stopped on his chest.

We broke apart a few minutes later, gasping for air and red-faced.

“You have no idea,” Eren mumbled, out of breath as he pressed his forehead against mine, his body completely hunched over me. “How much I have wanted to hear that.” he finally said, hands moving down to cup my cheeks. He closed his eyes for a moment, getting his breathing back on track and once his bright green were back on my dull grey, the butterflies took flight once more. “Because being with you has made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I do love you.”

I could have died and gone to heaven right there, and I was pretty sure I had. After an inward battle with myself, getting our feelings out in the open only made the relationship stronger. And that night was one I would never forget, because I was the happiest I’d been in a very, very long time.

But things, of course, can’t stay the same for long. I would like to reiterate that recovery is a fucking bitch.


	12. Bosco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay okay hi sorry this took forever. i gave up on nanowrimo (i got major writers block with it omg) so i managed to get this done. BUT THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LEFT COMMENTS AND KUDOS AND oh man oh man oh man they are my favourite they are my favourite thing you guyS THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE yas okay so as always this isn't proofed or anything so if there are any glaring mistakes please forgive me thank u love you <3

New Years Eve had arrived in no time and it was a bad day for pain.

“Levi, come on. We don’t want to be late!” Eren called from the entrance of my apartment and I groaned as I stayed laying on the couch. A few seconds later, the boy padded his way to the living room and sighed quietly. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head, even though my head was under my arm. “My legs are on fire.” I mumbled before trying to force myself to sit up. I sucked in a breath and fell back into the cushions.

“Do you want me to pack a—“

“No, can you grab me the bottle of Oxy off of the bathroom counter? And a glass of water?” I grumbled, peeking under my arm to look up at Eren who was watching me with a concerned covered face.

“Of course, of course.” he nodded quickly before darting out of the room to retrieve the things that I had asked for.

A few moments later he was bounding back into the room, careful not to slosh the water too much, before gently sitting down on the couch beside me. I grabbed the pill bottle from him an poured two into my hand before trading the bottle for the glass of water. I quickly took the painkillers and handed the water back before falling back against the couch once again.

I let out a long breath before speaking up. “I can’t have any alcohol for a few hours, but give me about half an hour to let the pills kick in and we can go, okay?”

I opened one of my eyes and saw that Eren had placed the items down on the coffee table and he nodded at me. “Of course, we’ll go when you’re ready.”

I reached for Eren’s hand, which had been sitting in his lap, and brought it to my lips to kiss his knuckles. “I love you.”

The worried look on Eren’s face lifted with those three words and the brightest smile formed on his face. It was as though his eyes became more vibrant and just at the sight of him, my heart started to pound like crazy. And it only escalated as he leaned forward to steal a proper kiss.

“And I love you.”

Honestly, I would have been fine with staying home that night. Things might have turned out a little better in the end, but an hour later, I found myself at Ymir’s party. I had my cane in one hand, while I held Eren’s for dear life with my other. The pain was still very prominent, but not at all as bad as it had been.

Upon arrival, the party was already in full swing. The scent of alcohol and weed wafted through the entire lower half of the house, while people loudly spoke to one another over the music blasting from the living room.

We made our way to the kitchen where Eren discarded the drinks we had brought, not that I could have any just yet. I would wait until the painkillers ran their main course before I would indulge myself. We left the kitchen a few moments later and walked into the den. There were couches outlining the walls and a rather entertaining round of Twister was taking place in the middle of the room. I heard Eren chuckle beside me as we walked to an empty place on the couch. He sat down first before pulling me into his lap.

I kept my eyes on the mess of limbs in front of me, trying to figure out who was playing. I recognized Jean’s ugly hair as soon as he lifted his head to spin. As he made his move, left foot to green, Marco came into view right behind him as Sasha finally fell onto her back in a fit of laughter, causing the two boy’s to wobble on their limbs. I was impressed they managed to keep themselves in the game as the girl shuffled out from under them, still laughing.

Mikasa held the spinner out for Marco, and I was fascinated by watching the two stay upright in the positions they were in, pretzeled together.

“Do you want to play?” I felt Eren’s breath against the shell of my ear as he spoke, sending a shiver down my spine.

I slowly shook my head, as much as I would have loved to play. “You can if you want, though.” I said, turning around to face him. “I wish I could, but I would be in a world of hurt.” I paused for a moment before tacking on a quiet, “I’ll even cheer you on.”

Eren’s grinned widely at that and nodded before turning his gaze back to the boy’s on the mat.

It only took a few more turns before Jean and Marco both collapsed under the weight of one another in a fit of laughter. Everyone still cheered them on for making it as far as they did, and soon enough, Eren was gently pushing me up to escape from under me. He shuffled over to the mat to start the next game, along with Connie and Armin, who I had learned earlier that day had come home from his grandfather’s and quickly left to meet Mikasa before the party.

And the game was on. And Eren’s left hand was on red, while Connie’s right foot was on blue and Armin’s right hand was on green. The first few moves were always the easiest, though I took note at how much more difficult it was with the three of them. With every move on Eren and Armin’s part, I gave an encouraging cheer and they both grinned at me with their flushed faces.

Armin was the first to crumble, without taking Connie or Eren with him. He laughed softly and walked over to sit with me, though only momentarily before pushing himself back off the couch.

“Hey, Levi? Would you like a drink?”

I thought for a moment and tested my limbs. There was still a dull ache in my legs, but I think I would be able to handle a drink if I nursed it.

“Sure, yeah. Eren and I brought a case of beer. It’s in—“

“The red bag in the kitchen.” Armin finished with a smile crossing his lips. “I know the one. I’ll be back.”

I watched Armin leave before turning back to the game. Eren was completely towering over Connie’s smaller body and the two were howling with laughter. I could see by the way their arms were shaking that they weren’t going to manage keeping themselves up much longer.

Though they did manage to keep themselves up until Armin came back with two drinks in hand. He grinned at me and held out an open bottle, and if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have taken it.

“Thank you.” I said, taking the bottle as a rather sweaty Eren stepped over to us. He eyed my beer momentarily before walking out of the room without a word. I raised my eyebrow, and all questions faded away as he walked back in a minute later with his own. “You could have had one before, you know.”

Eren smiled and slid onto the couch beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders leaving Armin to stand in front of us.

“I know, but I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head and couldn’t help but lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek. “You’re such a weirdo.”

Eren chuckled quietly before taking a swig of his beer and turned his attention up to Armin. “So, now that you aren’t running out of the apartment before I can even say hello — hello. How was your Christmas?”

At that, Armin’s face lit up and the two boys continued talking amongst themselves, while every so often I would throw in my two cents. And they were both cut off by the shrill sound of a voice I knew all too well. Of course Hanji would be here.

“Levi! You’re here!” she cried as she bounded into the room.

“I only saw you the other day, glasses. You act as though you haven’t seen me in years.”

Hanji sighed loudly and sat on the arm of the couch on the other side of me. “I know, but I haven’t seen you at a party in a long time. I’m surprised you came. And Ymir said something about you coming with one of her friends, and I was like no that can’t be right…”

I glanced up at her before looking over to Eren who was eyeing the girl across from him.

“Well I am here.” I muttered, leaning closer to Eren before looking back up to Hanji.

It was then her eye’s went wide as I took note she was looking at Eren. “And you must be Dr. Jaeger’s son, correct?”

“Hanji.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Sorry, I work with him sometimes at the hospital. I work with Ymir as well.”

I stole a quick glance at Eren as he nodded, realizing how everything fit together. He hadn’t met Hanji before from what I could remember. 

“Ymir did mention that she worked with one of Levi’s friends. After, of course, talking about how she covered your shift while Levi was still in—“

“Can we not talk about my hospital stay?” I asked, sounding a bit more annoyed than I actually was. It wasn’t a topic I was keen on discussing, though, that was for sure.

“Sorry.” Eren mumbled, pulling his arm back from around my shoulder. I would have been sad at the lack of contact, but his hand quickly found my free one in my lap and my heart fluttered.

“Anyway, I should send Petra and Erwin in here—“

“You brought them?” I asked, turning my head to look up at Hanji who had slid off the arm of the couch and was now back on her feet. I was neither happy or upset by the mention of them being here, nor was a really surprised.

“Of course I did. Neither of them had any other plans, and Petra brought Aur-“

“Please, god, no. Not him.” I whined. Now I was slightly upset.

Hanji huffed loudly and crossed her arms across her chest. “Levi, it’s been years, why—“

“He’s just so—“

“Levi!” another voice called. I turned my head to find my auburn-haired best friend and I could have almost glared at her. Erwin walked into the room behind her, followed by Auruo. That made me glare, but Eren squeezed my hand tight to remind me that he was still there. I looked over at him with a small smile before turning back to my friends whom had all decided to tower over me. And it was starting to feel overwhelming and I could feel a thin layer of sweat starting to form on my forehead and while I greeted them, and gripped Eren’s hand tightly, I knew I needed to get out of the room.

A few minutes later I was shifting on the couch and pushing myself forward.

“I need to step outside for a moment.” I said quietly, causing Eren to stand up immediately.

“I’ll come with you.”

I looked at him and gave him a gentle smile before shaking my head. “It’s okay, you stay inside. I’ll only be a little while.” I lifted his hand up to my lips to press a kiss to his knuckles before bringing our hands back down. He seemed reluctant, but nodded and let me drop his hand. I grabbed my cane and my now empty beer bottle before exiting the room. I manoeuvred through the crowds people through the halls to the kitchen. I deposited my bottle into the bag of other empty cans and bottles before grabbing another beer from our red bag. I popped the cap before making my way outside through the dining room.

I stood outside on a small deck which was deserted. The air was cold, but it hadn’t snowed, though you could feel it coming in the air. I shifted forward and leaned against the railing, looking out into the back yard. I took a deep breath and sighed before taking a swig of my beer. Crowds still overwhelmed me, it was something I would never get used to.

I took a deep breath and let myself relax against the railing. The cold air on my skin was welcome as the alcohol moving through me, helped me to keep warm. I looked over the backyard before letting my head tilt back to look to the sky. It was a clear night, and even with the light coming from the surrounding city, there were still stars visible overhead and I couldn’t stop the small smile that found it’s way onto my face.

My thoughts were interrupted a short while later when the door behind me slid open and shut. Heavy footsteps made their way and I turned my head as the person stood next to me.

“You alright?” he asked, turning his head to look down at me. His face looked sicklier than it had been since we had first reencountered one another.

“Yeah. Too many people. Overwhelmed.” I mumbled, turning away from the man beside me to look back out into the dark yard.

“Fair enough.”

There was silence between us, aside from shuffling on the blond’s part. I glanced over after a moment to see him fiddling with paper on the railing. Within a blink of an eye, the paper was rolled and placed between his lips and lit up. I took another sip of my beer.

“How are you feeling tonight?” Erwin asked, handing the joint over to me which I accepted. I took a long drag and handed it back before letting the smoke out slowly.

“It was a bad day today,” I admitted. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to come or not, but I wanted to be with Eren. And I didn’t want him to miss the party.”

Erwin chuckled quietly beside me before taking another hit off of the smoke. He hummed quietly to himself as he let the smoke go before handing the joint back over to me.

“Well, you know I always have stronger—“

“Erwin,” I shot him a warning look as I held the joint up to my face. “I’m having a hard enough time letting myself use this.” I nodded towards what was between my fingers before placing it between my lips.

“But it helps?”

“Is the sky blue?” I shot back, rolling my eyes.

“Well, it’s sort of black right now.” he said thoughtfully, looking towards the sky.

“Fuck off, Eyebrows.”

The man laughed softly beside me and I turned away from him, eyes back on the yard. The joint had started to relax me, and for that I was thankful. I took another swig of my beer before reaching for my phone in my pocket.

“I guess we better get inside. Ten minutes until the new year.” I muttered, placing the phone back securely in my pocket.

“Eren, Petra and Hanji are still in the room with the twister mat. There were these two guys on there playing when I left and I am pretty sure the mat will need to be destroyed…”

I glanced up at him with a raised brow, unsure of what he was getting at, but I said nothing. I quickly finished my drink before turning to head into the house. I threw my empty bottle in the empty bottle bag, grabbed another beer from our red bag, and headed towards the den. Just like Erwin had said, Eren, Petra and Hanji were still in the same spots, although the girls had taken my place on the couch. Armin was on the other side of Eren, and they all seemed to be in a deep discussion about god knows what.

Eren caught sight of me first, and the smile on his face lit up the whole room, almost making me forget my surroundings. My eyes had slowly moved to the twister mat, and I immediately saw what Erwin had been talking about. Jean and Marco had made it back onto the mat, their limbs twisted together in ways I couldn’t even imagine being comfortable. At some point while I had been out of the room, they had lost their shirts and I could see the sweat forming on their bodies as they tried to keep themselves from falling. And I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Auruo, red faced and wide eyed as he had become the keeper of the spinner.

I made my way over to the couch as quickly as I could and Eren pulled me into his lap. I was careful of my beer and my cane, and shot an apologetic look over to Armin after nearly crushing half of his leg under my weight.

“Levi, why didn’t you introduce Eren to me sooner! He’s precious!” Hanji cried, eyes looking between myself and Eren. I cocked my head to the side as I looked at her before turning my gaze towards the boy under me.

“Precious? You?”

“What can I say? I’m a charmer.”

I rolled my eyes at his words and took a sip of my beer.

“FIVE MINUTES GUYS. FIVE MORE MINUTES!!!” someone had yelled, running up and down the halls.

I felt Eren laugh under me and I turned towards him. His face was red and I could see that his eyes were more or less unfocused. I let my cane lay on the floor in front of the couch before turning back, brushing my hand on his cheek. His eyes moved back up to mine, and he smiled and leaned his head against my touch. 

I was startled slightly when I felt a hand on my back. I turned around to find Armin, smiling sheepishly at me.

“I need to go find… um, never mind that. Can you vacate my leg, please, Levi?” he asked, his cheeks red as he kept a look out for something in the room. I nodded and shifted myself on Eren’s lap enough to let the blond go before sliding into his seat. I leaned back against the armrest and let my legs move to rest across his lap.

“THREE MINUTES GUYS, THREE MINUTES!!!” the yelling boy had come back around and I couldn’t stop the smirk from forming on my face.

I kept my eyes on Eren. I wasn’t going to let him out of my sight for the next three minutes. I was ending the year with him, and I was starting a new year with him. A new leaf. A new start. A fresh start.

I barely took note to the background. Petra got up and saved Auruo from the twister game from hell. Hanji bounded off somewhere unknown, leaving Eren and I alone on the couch, still surrounded by all of his friends.

“SWEET MOTHER OF GOD TWO MINUTES. TWO MINUTES UNTIL 2015.”

I sat up slightly and reached forward to grab Eren’s arm after setting my half empty beer bottle carefully on the floor in front of the couch. He had been mindlessly watching the game of twister that had just ended. There had been no winners.

Eren’s smile was wide and his eyes were bright, despite the fact that they were slightly glossed over. I tugged him up and he followed, moving up to straddle my legs, careful not to put all of his weight down.

“ONE MINUTE! ONE MINUTE! OH GOD ONE MINUTE! SASHA, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”

“Uh oh, we got a couple of love birds over here.” I heard Petra say quietly as her and Auruo moved out of my view, and I couldn’t help but send her a playful glare at her words before she was out of sight.

“THIRTY SECONDS GUYS, THIRTY MORE SECONDS. GET YOUR DATES, FIND SOMEONE TO MAKE OUT WITH!” the owner of the voice bounded into the room at that, nearly shocking me off of the couch. I turned to find Connie flying at Sasha, the both of them falling to the floor in a fit of laughter.

I turned my attention back to the boy sitting on me, and his eyes were locked on mine. And I could feel a happy shiver move up my spine as I slowly moved my hands up his chest to lock at the back of his neck, pulling him closer as the seconds passed.

Outside the room the people started to chant.

“TEN!”

A small smile started to grow on my face as my eyes roamed Eren’s.

“NINE!”

Eren leaned forward, pressing his hands against my chest.

“EIGHT!”

My heart was starting to race, and other than the countdown, the room was starting to disappear around us.

“SEVEN!”

“Eren…”

“SIX!”

“I love you so much.” I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

“FIVE!”

The smile on his face widened, which I didn’t think was possible.

“FOUR!”

“Levi.”

“THREE!”

“I love you too. So, so much.”

“TWO!”

“To a new start?” I asked quietly as I pulled him down closer to me.”

“ONE!”

“To a new start.”

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

The sounds of noise makers, screaming and yelling and pots and pans filled the entire house, but all I could concentrate on was Eren’s lips on mine. It was slow and innocent and everything a new years kiss should be. We pulled back a few moments later, though stayed close with our foreheads pressed together. My heart was still hammering in my chest, and I could feel Eren’s body trembling slightly on top of me. But the smile on his face kept me calm. It was a new year, and we had so many opportunities waiting for us and I couldn’t wait.

There was a saying that was told to me once when I was younger, and I generally believed it to be true, because more or less it was accurate; _the way you spend the first minutes of the year explain how you will spend the remainder of the year_. 

I was so naive.


	13. Post Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!!
> 
> i hope 3k words worth of smut is a good enough apology. Please note there are a lot of time jumps in the second half of this chapter <33

By the time we had left the party we were still high spirits. The world was spinning around us as we made our way up the elevator to our floor. I clung to Eren and he clung back to me as we walked down the hall, stopping in front of our doors. His keys were out faster than mine and within seconds I was being pulled into his apartment as the brunet laughed. I closed the door behind me, whilst trying to not slam it, before shucking off my shoes and trying my hardest not to topple over.

Not even half a second after my shoes were discarded, Eren was wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. His lips quickly attached to my neck and I gasped as I let him pull me towards his bedroom. With his arms still holding me, I managed to set my cane against the wall just inside his room before he tugged me closer to the bed, still marking up my neck as we moved.

I moved my hands up the back of his neck and into his hair, tugging him back gently so I could look at him.

“I need water, I will be right back.” I said slowly, words slurring off of my tongue.

His eyes were glazed but he understood and nodded, a lazy grin crossing his face.

“I will be here.” he slurred back.

I leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to the bottom of his chin before turning and leaving the room. It felt like a long trek to the kitchen, but I helped myself to a glass and water and quickly drank the whole glass in one go. My mouth was insanely dry, and I hadn’t had a glass of water since I had left the apartment earlier. It was not a wise choice on my end, I was usually a little bit more wise when I was drinking.

I refilled the glass once I had emptied it and slowly made my way back to the bedroom. Upon entering, I was met with a pleasant view of Eren sprawled on the bed in a very seductive manner without any of his clothes. I nearly dropped the glass, I hadn’t been expecting to find him like that. And there was no way in hell I was about to complain.

“Do you l-like what you see?” he slurred, holding back a hiccup as he moved his hand along his chest. 

I slowly nodded and set the glass of water down on the dresser before discarding my clothes as quickly as possible, not even bothering to close the door behind me as I stepped a bit closer. Thankfully Armin had informed us he would be spending the night with a friend and wouldn’t be home, so leaving the door open did not worry me just then. 

I tore my eyes off of Eren reluctantly a few moments later once I was out of my clothes and grabbed the glass of water. Something caught my eye behind the glass though and I swallowed. With my free hand, I reached up and grabbed the small bag that I remembered getting thrown there weeks ago. I bit the inside of my lip, and perhaps it was the alcohol and the weed talking, but something within me was pushing me forward.

I turned back to Eren, who was watching me curiously. With the water and bag in hand, I moved to the nightstand to set down the glass. I opened the bag and pulled out a small smiley tablet and glanced over to Eren, who’s eyes went wide at the sight. I reached towards his face with the pill between my fingers, and he had no qualms about letting his tongue fall from his mouth to let me place it on top. I watched intently as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, and I found myself popping back a pill of my own a second later. The bag was quickly thrown onto the nightstand as I grabbed the glass once more to take another few sips.

I was interrupted though a moment later by Eren’s hand on my body, moving over my hips and thigh. I set the glass back down and finally crawled up onto the bed to straddle Eren’s hips. I leaned forward, and our lips finally met in a hungry kiss. It was sloppy and loud with heavy breathing as the world continued to spin around us. I moved my hands back up into his hair as I deepened the kiss, tilting my head slightly as I pushed my tongue past his lips to find his own. 

I broke the kiss a short while later and begin a trail of open mouthed kisses to Eren’s neck and throat, before moving lower to his collarbone and chest. I heard his breath hitch in his throat as I lowered myself more to flick my tongue playfully over one of his nipples. Enjoying the sound, I wrapped my lips around the small nub before flicking my tongue over once again causing Eren’s back to arch up against me. I took it as my cue to continue down his body.

Eren’s breathing became shaky as I ran my tongue across his stomach, pressing kisses to the warm, tan skin every so often. I glanced up at him to find him looking back at me, with hooded eyes and flushed cheeks. I hid a grin as I leaned forward once more to continue my kissing assault on his body. I let my hands roam on his hips as I shuffled down a bit more. He let his legs widen so I could sit between them easier, and I moved my hands to drag along the sides of his thighs. My kisses moved south from his belly button, and I followed the trail down, keeping my lips away from his length, which was hard pressed up against his body.

I teased him around the base of his cock, pressing feather light kisses around him before finally letting my tongue out to run along the underside, right along a vein, to swirl around the head. The action caused Eren to gasp, and his hands found their way to my head. The feeling of his hands in my hair was almost electric, like light shocks came from his fingertips.

“H-holy fuck, Levi.” Eren slurred out, causing a smile to form on my lips. One that I could not hide.

I looked up at him and his eyes had closed. My tongue darted back out and I repeated the action, though as I reached the head, I let him into my mouth. I hollowed my cheeks as I sucked the head teasingly, before letting my head bob. My eyes stayed on his face as I watched his reactions, and the feeling in my hair was intensifying as the minutes passed.

“You’re p-perfect.” Eren mumbled as his head lolled to the side. I hummed in appreciation around him before slowly lowering myself more until I was nuzzling the base of his cock. I swallowed around him a few times and the noises escaping him were amazing. Quiet whimpers and moans, followed by growls.

I lifted my head back up to breathe, letting my lips detach from his dick with a pop. My hand found it’s way around his length, and slowly began to stroke him while I caught my breath. Eren’s eyes were back on me, lids heavy but the lust in his eyes was apparent.

I crawled back forward and let my lips connect with his once more in a heated kiss. It was messy, and teeth hit teeth, while our tongues danced between our mouths until I captured his for my own.

Eren’s arms wrapped around my waist and I let myself be rolled onto my back. Every touch the boy gave me felt electric, and I had forgotten what ecstasy felt like until that moment. Everything felt so much more intense. And I wanted Eren right then and there.

Eren’s hands moved along my waist and moved my legs as he settled between them. He carefully pushed them up so my thighs were resting on my chest. I watched him as he looked down my body, biting his lip as he eyed my ass. He quickly looked back at me before grabbing my hips and pulling my body closer, pulling me up so far I was nearly doing a headstand.

“What the fuck are you—“ my slurred question was cut off as I felt his mouth on the back of my thigh. I felt his tongue flick out across the skin before another kiss. His hands were gentle, and despite the rather uncomfortable position I was in, he held me steady.

I was about to ask him what he had planned on going with me in this position, but my question was finally answered when I felt his hand moving to the entrance of my ass.

“Hang on, stop, hang on. Eren, I can’t lay like this.” I grumbled as a shooting pain shot up one of my legs. I would have gladly let him continue, but the pain was far too much to handle in that moment.

Eren carefully let me down and I leaned up to kiss him quickly before turning around on my hands and knees, facing away from him. I turned my head to look at him with a cheeky grin, just to have him reciprocate it.

And Eren was back to the task he had barely started. Both his hands were on my ass as he spread me apart, and I parted my legs a bit more to arch my back, to give him a better view.

“God damn, Levi…” I heard him mutter before feeling his mouth on my backside once more. The shocks moving through my body kept any retort I had for him locked up behind my lips.

His hands spread me farther, and I could feel his tongue starting to dart out experimentally around the tight muscle, causing my breathing to stop momentarily. His tongue continued to move in slow, tantalizing circles before finally pulling away. His hands squeezed me gently, and before I knew it, his tongue was back and I couldn’t help but let out a quiet moan. The drugs were making everything feel far more intense and I couldn’t stop but arch my back more. I wanted more. I needed more.

And Eren was glad to oblige. I felt him move away, and for a moment I thought he was done but soon enough I felt one of his hands leave me, only to take over where his tongue had once been. He slowly pushed in a finger, and although it was a feeling I was used to, he still moved slow. 

“H-hurry the fuck up.” I couldn’t stop myself from whining out, letting my head hang. I heard Eren chuckle behind me and he pulled his finger out.

“Patience, my love.” he crooned back. I felt the bed shift behind me and I turned around to watch him crawl to the the nightstand. He opened the drawer and quickly pulled out the near-empty bottle of lube, and a silver packet.

Eren moved himself back to behind me and immediately got back to work, pushing two lubed up fingers into me. I let out a quiet groan as his fingers worked, stretching me in every way he could. I pressed myself back against his hand once the slight pain had eased, and just when he was about to push out, I felt his finger tips slightly graze the hot spot within me and I cried out, louder than I had originally anticipated.

“Fuck, fuck…” I groaned, arching my back and pushing back against him. I wanted more of that. I needed more of that.

At my actions, Eren laughed quietly and let his hand smack gently across my ass, causing another noise to escape. I was sounding needy. I was needy. I wasn’t about to hide it. And the pill was still making everything more and more intense with every passing moment.

As Eren finally moved away again, I managed to roll back onto my back. I parted my legs and moved my hand down to grip my cock. It was hard against my stomach, already leaking. I looked up at Eren, his face was red and his eyes were on my hand as he blindly rolled the condom onto his length. He quickly lubed it up with the whatever was left in the bottle before shifting forward again.

My hand continued to move as my eyes raked over Eren’s body. I had no shame. I was wrecked, I felt wrecked, and he hadn’t even fucked me yet.

His hands were back on my thighs, rubbing them softly and soothingly. I lifted my hips the best I could, letting another needy whine escape.

“My, my, Levi.” he purred as he leaned forward, capturing my lips with his own. And it was a hungry kiss, filled with all the passion I could muster. And it was cut off shortly after it had begun once I felt him prodding against my entrance. And the needy neediness was back and I groaned.

“Eren, please…”

“Please? Please what?” he teased, a smirk on his face and the sparks of his tongue on my jaw went straight to my groin, and I was on sensory overload. I could combust at any time.

“Fuck me, god damn it.” I finally let out, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Stop teasing.”

The laugh that escaped Eren’s mouth was low, and animalistic as he pushed into me without restraint. And it was exactly what I wanted, and my grip on his neck tightened as he immediately got into a hard rhythm. It was the rhythm we both wanted. We both needed. We were both wrecked beyond belief and it had only just begun.

And it didn’t take him long to find that spot within me that had me screaming and seeing stars, forcing my toes to curl in and my head to fall back against the pillows under me.

“F-fuck, Eren..”

Eren growled over top of me at that, as my nails dug into the skin of his back, clawing down as the pleasure continued to course through me ten times more than it normally did. And I could only imagine what Eren was going through as I clenched myself around him.

“Christ, Levi.”

And hearing my name in his broken, wrecked voice was enough for me. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge of falling apart. And I loved the feeling of him within me, filling me to the brim with his deep, hard thrusts. I could feel the sweat starting to form on my forehead, and I could feel the sweat dripping form the boy above me as he continued his movements. And I noted the noises escaping me could not stop, and in that moment, I felt bad for our neighbours. But I could not stop the noises.

Everything was too much.

It was all too intense.

The bed was spinning, the room was spinning, but Eren was the only part of it that was in focus. And he assaulted my prostate over and over until my eyes were lolling back and I had to close them, and my nails continued to dig into his back to the point I was sure there would be bruises, or blood. And his movements started to become more erratic as the time passed, and his hand was on me, stroking me with every movement he made. And the intensity flared up tenfold and I couldn’t take it. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and falling down my cheeks from the intensity.

And finally, the dam broke and I could feel myself releasing across my stomach and into Eren’s hand with a mantra of his name escaping my lips.

And soon my lips were connecting with his again as his movements stuttered and finally stopped as he buried himself deep within me. I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly, tightening my hold with my arms. I didn’t want him to move. I just wanted him to stay where he was, for as long as possible. I didn’t want the feeling to be over. It was intense and it was over too fast. 

The kiss finally broke when we needed to breathe, but Eren stayed close, pressing his forehead against mine and brushing his nose against my own.

“Happy new year, Levi.” he managed to get out with a hoarse voice. The noises he had been making throughout had wrecked his voice.

“Happy new year, Eren.” I said back before letting my eyes open, his bright green ones on mine. And everything still felt intense, but it was calmer than it had been. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

And yeah, I loved him. And I was looking forward to the new year.

—————

The week following the New Years party, I found myself back in my daily routine. Get up, go to class, go have dinner at the cafe and visit Eren while he was working, and go home. Every day.

Eren’s schedule and my own didn’t match up the best, but we still managed to make time for one another. We woke up with each other in the mornings, and he’d always crawl into bed around midnight when he got home. He spent the nights at my apartment more than we’d spend them at his. I think Armin was a bit relieved with that, though he was busy with his own schooling and practicums.

I had gone for a checkup with Dr. Jaeger half way through January and filled my prescriptions. Nothing had changed with my condition, though I would have been surprised if anything had. Everything was the same.

On weekends I found myself spending far more time with Erwin. He didn’t have a real job, or school, so he was free all the time. And I didn’t want to sit in the cafe while Eren worked like a lovesick puppy dog all day, either. Petra and Hanji were far too busy with work, and we couldn’t spend every weekend together. Erwin was the best choice to kill my time with.

Although, for me and my health, I soon learned that it wasn’t the wisest of choices.

After Eren and my experiment on New Years with the ecstasy, it had become something that we had both liked to indulge in every so often since. It was nearly March by the time I was getting a second zip lock bag full from Erwin, who looked at me with questioning eyes. I turned away from him.

“Levi…” I heard him say as I shoved the bag into my book bag. I had gone to his apartment after my last class on a Friday, and I had only come for the one thing. But I sighed and turned back around to face him where he was sitting on his couch.

“Erwin.” I said back, mocking his tone and crossing my arms.

The blond sighed quietly and sat back on the couch, patting the seat beside him. I really wasn’t planning on staying that evening, but I figured a short visit wasn’t going to be too much harm.

“How’s the legs?” he asked once I had sat down beside him, resting my book bag against the front of the couch.

I turned to look at him, regarding him for a moment before sighing quietly, falling against the back cushions of the couch.

“Honestly, I’ve had better days. I think I am straining myself too much.” I mumbled. “I mean, my legs aren’t the major problem, but my headaches have been really bad.”

Every word I had spoken had been true. My headaches had gotten to the point where, there were some days I had to leave class, or leave the school altogether. For the most part I stuck it out, but some days were just terrible.

Erwin hummed quietly beside me and he nodded.

“What’s Dr. Jaeger got you on now?” he asked, lifting his arm to rest along the back of the couch.

“Same stuff. The weed has been keeping it mostly at bay, but I can’t go to class baked.”

“Fair enough.”

I sighed quietly and moved my hands up to my face, rubbing my eyes. I was getting tired of feeling broken, and I was getting tired of holding back conversations because my brain couldn’t keep up. Eren had learned to slow his words down right after I had met him, though he still managed to get too excited and speed up. He was definitely not the problem.

Professors and students at the school, on the other hand, had no idea. They knew I hobbled around campus with a cane, but they had no idea of my head injury. Being a new semester, all the professors were new to me and hadn’t been informed, unlike the first semester. And I didn’t want to make it a big deal.

But I knew I was going to have to mention it. Especially if my grades continued to plummet.

Erwin’s leg started bouncing slightly and I glanced up to see him frowning, seemingly deep in thought.

“Would you want to try something stronger for the pain?”

“Erwin.”

The man sighed and turned his head towards me. “I’m not going to do anything that is going to harm you, or kill you, or anything. I would never do that, and it’s more of an experiment, really. And it’s the safety of my own home, and not some dirty bathroom at a club, or off a strippers—“

“ _Erwin._ ” I hissed, eye’s wide and the laugh that escaped the man’s mouth was a laugh that couldn’t keep a smirk off of my face. “That’s disgusting.”

“You can trust me, Levi. I know I’ve been a terrible friend, but I wouldn’t do anything to cause you any harm.”

“You deal me drugs, Eyebrows. That’s pretty harmful.”

The man rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You know what I mean, asshole.”

I sighed loudly and looked away. Everything was slowly making it’s way through my mind until the point where it hurt to even think. I closed my eyes before turning back to Erwin, opening them back up a moment later. “Fine. Fine. Just an experiment. Something small.” I spoke slowly, as slow as my brain was registering anything.

The blond’s eye’s widened at my words, looking as though I had grown two heads. The reaction only lasted a second, and had I not been looking at him, I would have missed it all together. He nodded finally and turned his attention to his coffee table, opening a drawer underneath the flat surface, pulling out a bag and setting it on the table. I frowned as I watched him rummage through the contents, unable to see what was inside. It was a few seconds later when he pulled out a small ziplock bag filled with white.

My breath hitched at the the sight, but I was stubborn and not about to go back on my word, no matter how much it made me uncomfortable. My body ached in so many ways, I needed some sort of relief that worked.

I watched as Erwin poured a small amount on a clear spot on the table before going back to dig through the drawer once more, pulling out a blade. He moved the powder quickly with the blade until there was four perfect, thin lines sitting in a row on the table. He sat up and admired his handiwork only for a moment before going back into his drawer of things, pulling out a square of paper. He turned to me as he rolled it into a tube before handing it over.

“Start with one, and if you are comfortable you can have the second.” he said, keeping his eyes on me until I plucked the paper from his fingers.

Part of me was screaming to stop myself. I could do so much better than this. I didn’t need the hard drugs. I didn’t need to do this. I could get better without this. I could put a stop to this before it started.

The other part of me continued to push me forward, until I was leaning over the line with one end of the tube in my nose while my finger covered my other nostril. It was that part of me that had me inhaling along the line of cocaine, feeling the powder enter my nose and immediately make way for my brain. It was that part of me that wanted my body to stop hurting, to stop screaming in pain. It wanted me to relax, and slow down. And take it easy.

It was that first line that was the start of bringing everything down around me, one thing at a time. And I hated to say that it wasn’t my last line, not at all.

That night, Eren had to pick me up from Erwin’s after his shift at the cafe ended. By the time he arrived, I was already back to my normal, sober self. He had a late shift that night, and had no problems coming to pick me up on the way back to our apartment.

But that one night happened the following night.

And that weekend repeated itself the following weekend.

And the following weekend.

And the following weekend.

Eren asked no questions, and I didn’t tell him what exactly it was we were doing. We’d go home, we’d fuck, and I’d feel guilty.

Before any thoughts come to mind, Erwin and I were not doing anything wrong. We’d get high and we’d watch television before nodding off for a couple hours. Aside from the drugs, it was innocent.

I love Eren. I love him more than anything I’d ever loved before and nothing was ever going to stop that. But I was scared to let him know what I had been dong with Erwin, especially after my freak out months and months before when I had found what he had been hiding in his drawers.

I was the biggest fucking hypocrite, and I suppose what I got in the end was karma finally biting me in the ass.

The end of May brought the end of the semester before summer. I had decided against summer courses, needing time off to cool my brain off. I had somehow managed to barely pass my classes, and despite not being happy with my ending grades, I was glad that I passed.

After my final classes, I made my way to Erwin’s. I had got out earlier than normal, and we had our regular plans to let loose, and I was looking forward to clearing my head for a little while. But had I known what was going to happen that day, I wouldn’t have gone. I would have gone home, or I would have gone to the cafe. I would have done anything but go to Erwin’s.

But I went to Erwin’s.

And we shared lines, and a pipe. And he brought out a needle and a belt, and showed me how he kept himself going through the day. And being the curious bastard I was when I was intoxicated, I wanted to try.

So I did.

And the tingling sensation washed over me and I thought I was floating. Everything felt fuzzy and not real at all. And I saw the time and saw that Eren would be here in an hour, but I watched as Erwin leaned forward to take another line and I reached for the pipe to take another hit. And the room was spinning but it was a good spinning, because I didn’t feel pain. I didn’t feel anything really. Nothing felt real and I thought I was dreaming.

And I really wish I had been dreaming.

I don’t remember closing my eyes, but I remember there was a lot of noise. We had been watching a movie, something about superheroes, but I could vaguely hear the credits playing in the background. The noise in the foreground was far too loud. My eyes scrunched together and I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t.

“Le… Fuck… Erw….Smith.”

I felt myself groan, but I couldn’t hear myself. I could hear other voices, panicked voices but I couldn’t decipher what they were saying. All I could see was darkness, tinted red by my eyelids. I couldn’t really move, or speak. I tried, but nothing came out. I was glad I was breathing, but I wanted to know what was happening. And the panic started to bubble up but there was nothing I could do, and I was starting to feel scared because I had felt like this before. When my body didn’t feel like my body, and I felt as though I was trapped; like someone else was operating my body.

“Please, god…”

It was a panicked voice that sounded so close but so far. It echoed in my ears and I tried to make a noise again but it felt like nothing came out. I didn’t hear anything.

“Why…”

I tried my eyes again and managed to get a flicker of light, but the light burnt and I had to close my eyes again. Everything was too much, too intense. And it wasn’t the good kind of intense that ecstasy brought while making love to the man you love. No, it was not like that at all. It was an intense that brought sickness and worry. I didn’t like it one bit.

“Levi please.”

I tried my eyes once more at hearing my name. That was my name, right? My head killed, and my stomach felt like it was going to expel everything I had ever eaten in my entire life. The light burnt my eyes and the sickness continued as I tried to focus my one open eye, barely open. Just a slit told me everything I needed to know. The pained face of a green-eyed brunet was in front of me, tears streaking down his cheeks.

How did he get inside?

Did Erwin let him in? That must have been it.

I watched his eyes widen once he realized he had seen my eyes open and it was then I realized he was on the phone.

“…Levi - awake…” I managed to make out, though his lips moved far more after that. I was in and out of consciousness. I wanted to sleep, but I wanted to keep my eyes on the beautiful boy in front of me, who had turned away from me at that moment. My love. My life.

My everything.

I’ve done fucked it up. But he was here, because Erwin let him in. And I’d be okay. And I’d explain, and everything would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

It would be okay.


	14. Begin The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i on a roll or what?? one more chapter to come after this!

**Eren**

I had never, ever been so glad for a semester to be over. I had somehow managed to keep my grades as average as ever, while keeping up on my job at the cafe and keeping up with my relationship with Levi.

And summer only brought more time to spend with him, to build our lives with one another and be happy. And I was excited.

Despite the fact that I saw Levi every day, it felt as though we were never around each other.

Don’t get me wrong; waking up to his handsome face every morning, and falling asleep next to it every night was my favourite thing in the world. I didn’t think I would ever find anyone as amazing as him so early in my life.

Part of me was almost scared about that fact. It was too good to be true, and there had to be something wrong!

But I wasn’t going to ever think that way, of course! I love Levi, and he loves me. Small arguments over petty things happen, of course, but all in all we were happy with one another. Hell, even my dad was happy for me when I finally broke the news to him. I guess it helps the fact that he had known Levi for a long, long time.

The final night of school was a busy one for the cafe, and I was excited by the fact that I didn’t have to work half as late as Jean did. Of course, I had to poke fun at him about it for the remainder of the night.

“Shut up, Eren. Not all of us can be as lucky as you.” he grumbled after I had managed to sneak in an insult via sandwich order.

I laughed quietly to myself as I escaped an attack of flying tomatoes and ducked into the kitchen.

“Off for the night?” 

I looked up to see Mikasa standing at the stove, peering into a pot of soup.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go pick up Levi and head home. Is that broccoli chese?” I asked as I grabbed my jacket from the coat rack on the opposite wall.

“Yeah, fresh pot. Just about ready to eat.”

“Can I take a couple bowls? Not sure if he’ll have eaten yet, and I am starving.”

Mikasa nodded and quickly ran out to the front of the cafe to grab two bowls with two lids and a bag. She dished out the soup and covered them before sticking them into the plastic bag.

“Thank you!” I said with a grin, receiving a small smile in return.

“Have a good night, Eren.”

I sneaked out of the cafe without having to deal with anymore of Jean’s shit and made my way to the car. I set the soup down on the passenger seat once I had climbed inside and pulled my phone out from the front pocket of my jeans. I frowned slightly when I saw I had a voicemail from Levi from half an hour before, and quickly called to pick up the message.

“ _Ereeeeeen. Eren, Eren…._ ” Levi’s voice was slurred, and not sounding at all like he usually did when he was drunk. “The world issss spinning in circles and I fuck— I fucking love you to pieces. I think a rabbit just fucking took my socks.” There was shuffling on the other end before Levi broke out into quiet laughter, and then it got quiet. Eerily quiet, and all I could hear in the background was explosions coming from the television. My frown intensified and I hung up on the message and shoved my phone back into my pocket.

I made my way to Erwin’s apartment in record time. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and dialled Levi’s number.

It rang.

It rang.

It rang.

Voicemail.

I hummed quietly to myself before dialling Erwin’s number. If Levi was drunk, he would be able to at least help keep him out of trouble.

It rang.

It rang.

It rang.

Voicemail.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel with my free hand as I glared at the screen of my phone. I decided to get out of the car and lock it up behind me and moved to get into the building. Call it luck, call it whatever you want, but by some miracle, someone was leaving as I was walking up to the front door and I easily slipped into the building. I made my way up to Erwin’s floor, hoping my memory would not daily me only having been there a handful of times before, and knocked on the door once I had arrived. After a few moments, there was no no answer. I knocked again.

I was starting to get a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I waited in the hallway, moving my weight from one foot to another. Finally after knocking a third time, I tried the door. I groaned to myself when I found that it was unlocked and I pushed my way into the apartment.

I could smell the alcohol and weed in the air, mixed with other things. I heard the ending of a movie coming from the television in the living room, but not much else.

I didn’t bother with my shoes as I walked into the room to find two men sprawled on the couch. At first glance, it seemed as though they were just napping. But there was so much more going on. Levi had sprawled on one edge of the couch, his phone tightly clutched in one hand, with one of his legs propped up on the coffee table. The other arm was crossed over his stomach and his other leg was bent, foot firm on the floor. I could see his chest moving, and maybe he really was just napping.

But the panic still settled within my stomach as my eyes continued to look over the room. There were a few needles on the coffee table, dangerously close to where Levi’s bare feet were. I supposed a rabbit really had stolen his socks.

There was residue of white powder left on the coffee table top, with rolls of paper scattered in the same area.

It was the sight of Erwin that had my skin crawling and my eyes widening. The large, blond haired man who had always looked one line away from death was looking pretty, well, not alive. His lips were chapped as he sat on his corner of the couch. There was a belt loosely wrapped around his bicep, whilst a needle was still hanging out of his arm. His other hand was still attached to said needle, but there was absolutely no strength in his grip.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped forward before leaning down, turning my ear to his mouth.

I closed my eyes as I tried to concentrate, tried and hoped to hear the slightest breath coming from the man.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to cry and I was panicking.

I reached for my phone and called my emergency contact. Because he would know what to do in this situation.

It rang.

It rang.

“Eren?”

“Dad. Please, dad, I need your help.” I cried out before taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. If I was going to get through this, I needed to calm down.

“Eren, what’s wrong? Why are you calling so late?”

I wanted to scream, and cry and punch the wall but I tried my best to remain calm. With a shaky voice I explained what was going on around me.

“I just came to pick up Levi, and I found all this. Dad, I’m scared. Please. Help.”

“Eren, hey. Hey. Hush, please. Call an ambulance, quickly. I’ll make my way to the hospital as soon as I can. I will see you soon.”

I nodded a bit as tears fell down my cheeks and I hung up before quickly calling 911.

The lady on the other line was calming, which was nice to hear in a time of crisis. She asked me a few simple questions, such as if either of the men in front of me were breathing. I explained to the best of my ability and tried my best to get Levi to wake up.

I brushed my hand across his face gently as I tried calling to him.

“Please, god, wake up. Please. Why would you do this? Why?” I mumbled out quietly, trying to keep my voice away from the operator. I knew I was supposed to stay on the line until the ambulance got there, but I really didn’t want her to hear me start to break down in front of my boyfriend.

The man I loved so much. Why would he do this?

My mind was racing as I saw Levi’s eye flutter open.

“Levi seems to be awake. Sort of. Erwin is still out cold, and I cannot hear or see him breathing.” I told the operator, who continued to talk to me with a reassuring voice.

My heart started to pick up when I heard the ambulances rushing down the street. I hung up my phone finally and pocketed it. I grabbed Levi’s as well before the paramedics made it upstairs.

The questions continued. What are their names? Why are you here? Was this the first time this has happened?

I tried to answer the questions to the best of my ability. As for as long as this has been going on, I had no answer. I had no idea. There was nothing that gave away Levi would be doing this.

And the thought of that made me angry. Very angry.

Why would he hide from me?

I knew why, but _why_?

The paramedics checked Erwin over first once I had reassured them that Levi was still somewhere inside. Not completely aware, but he was there.

They had confirmed my suspicions about Erwin, and the man had died an hour before I had arrived. Levi had been laying on the couch chattering away to him without realizing he had passed away. And even though I was actually quite furious with him, I felt sad all the same. Erwin may have made some terrible mistakes, and may have lost Levi’s trust at one point, but they had mended their friendship in the past half-year and it came to a halt too soon.

Once finishing Erwin’s assessment, the paramedics quickly moved to try and Levi to come to. They got him to open his eyes a few times, but for the most part he was still in la-la land. I watched from the side of the room as they lifted the small man onto the stretcher before telling me to go with them.

The ride to the hospital seemed like a blur. Nothing felt real and I just wanted to go home that night with Levi and eat soup and watch a movie and hold hands and tell him out much I love him. But it was a blur, a nightmare. And when we had made it to the hospital, I was forced to wait in the waiting room of the emergency room.

I hated the rules of hospitals. I wanted to be by his side, even though I was absolutely livid.

I was angry.

Why hadn’t he told me? Why had he kept it a secret? We could have talked this out and put a stop to it. We could have done so many things and put a stop to it. To stop him from landing in the hospital again, and to stop Erwin from dying.

Erwin was on the downward spiral for years, but he still had his whole life ahead of him. And now he was dead.

And that made my eyes burn, and I just wanted to be angrier. Because Erwin brought Levi down with him. Not all the way, no. But very nearly.

My dad waltzed through the doors that I was not allowed to pass a short while later in his lab coat and documents under his arm.

“Eren, come with me.” he said.

I bolted out of my chair quicker than lightning and followed him at his heels, down a bright white corridor. I hated hospitals, I always had. I don’t think there was such a thing as anyone liking hospitals, to be completely honest.

We walked for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was only to the opposite end of the emergency room. He pushed aside a curtain to reveal Levi on the large hospital bed with tubes pushing oxygen into his nose and a bag of saline hooked up to an IV on the side of his bed. The sight made me sick, and the tears were welling up in my eyes again.

He looked so small and fragile on such a large bed.

“Is he going to be okay?” I finally managed to croak out, and I could hear the man beside me laugh softly.

I shuffled his papers slightly as he let one of his hands move up to rest on his shoulder. “Of course, kid. We’re getting his system flushed out and he’ll be good to go, or well, as good as he can be in no time.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat that had formed while my eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from the small body on the bed. “And Erwin?”

I had already known what had happened to the man, but I wanted to know the cause. Was it an overdose? Was there something bad in the drugs? Was it really just one rail too many?

“I’m not sure about that, since I haven’t seen his paperwork. Did he come to the hospital as well?”

I stayed still for a moment before slowly nodding. “Should be here by now. Could probably find him in the morgue.” I said, my voice shaking as I spoke. “He died.”

I could hear my dad take in a sharp breath and his hold on my shoulder tightened.

“I’m sorry you had to find them this way, Eren.” his voice was low and sincere, and I was so glad to hear his calming voice. But then it went stern. “You weren’t involved with any of the things Levi was, were you?”

I shook my head slowly, finally tearing my eyes away from the man on the bed. I looked up to my dad before speaking. “I had no idea Levi was even doing these things. If I am being honest, and I really am being honest, I only smoke,” the taller man’s eyes widened at my confession but he didn’t say a word, and there was no way in hell I’d tell him about the ecstasy. “And I know that is bad also, but it is not even close to what I found. There were needles and powder and…” My voice cracked as the images came flooding back in and the tears wanted to flow again.

The doctor sighed quietly and closed his eyes. “Honestly, Eren, I’m not all that surprised, and I’m not about to start berating you while we are in the ER,” his eyes locked on mine with a look that sent chills down my spine letting me know that this conversation was far from over. His eyes softened after a moment and a small smile crept onto his face, “But, you should get home and rest. You look exhausted.”

I frowned at his words and turned back to Levi. “But, I should be here with him…”

“Eren…” the man beside me trailed off as he tried to find his words. “Perhaps it is best that you go home. Levi has a lot to deal with now, and he has to recuperate.”

“But—“

“Eren, please go home. You can come back in the morning. It’s late. Does Armin know you’re here?”

I slowly shook my head and I felt guilt creep into my bones. I hadn’t told anyone about what had happened, and I knew I should have.

“If Armin is awake, see if he can come and get you otherwise get one of the nurses to page me, okay? I’ll give you money for a cab.”

I glanced back up at my dad with wide eyes. He was generally a kind man, but this was so very different than what I was used to. I nodded. 

“Okay.” I let out weakly.

He gave me a small smile before turning and exiting through the curtain, leaving me alone with an unconscious Levi. I gulped back a whimper that wanted to escape me before turning towards the man on the bed. His face was paler than normal, and his lips were starting to chap due to the dry hospital air. I stepped closer to him, slowly, as if my moving any quicker would startle him. But I knew he was asleep, out cold. The steady beeping of his heart monitor told me so.

With a shaky hand, I moved up to brush a few strands away from his forehead. Levi’s face was calm and relaxed, and seemed as though he was in no pain at all. And that is all I could ever want for him.

“Why did you do this…” I whispered quietly, letting my hand move from his forehead down to his cheek, brushing the skin with my thumb. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I knew I wasn’t about to get answers from an unconscious man, but I still wanted answers. I was still angry. There was still a burning pit of fury over the whole ordeal, flaring up in the depths of my body. I wanted to know why this happened; why he gave in to Erwin’s bad habits. His bad habits that had killed him. Erwin was no longer on this plane of existence, and Levi had no idea.

And that was almost the most sad part.

Someone was going to have to break the news to him. Someone was going to have to see Levi go through the stages of denial, and shock and anger. The stages of loss. 

I don’t know how long I stood there for, and I knew I really should have been getting a hold of Armin, but I was finally interrupted by my thoughts as a woman burst through the curtain with wide eyes and a messy ponytail, wearing tacky Spongebob scrubs and a clipboard underneath one of her arms. It took me a moment to realize it was Hanji. In my state, I had forgotten that she worked here as well.

Then she realized I was standing beside Levi.

“Eren, oh my god. What happened? Dr. Jaeger was just upstairs and he told me bits and pieces but…” she trailed off, her voice was uncontrolled but muted, which I could only assume she had trained herself to do while at work.

I took a deep breath and explained everything that I had witnessed. From the message left on my phone, to the sight of the two men laying on the couch. To the drugs scattered all over the coffee table and the needle that was still poking into Erwin’s arm. Hanji didn’t seem all too surprised about Erwin’s demise, still sad, of course, but not surprised.

“I knew this day would come…” she said quietly, voice weak as she looked to the floor. This was the calmest I’d ever seen her, and she was still a mess. “Does anyone else know?” she finally asked after a moment of thought, looking back up to meet my gaze.

“I haven’t got a hold of anyone. I was going to see if Armin could pick me up, and I was going to message Petra since I have Levi’s phone…” I said, only then realizing that I had the phone tucked away in my pocket. I pulled it out alongside mine.

“Let me handle Petra, okay?” Hanji said quietly, moving her hand to my shoulder to give it an encouraging squeeze. “I’m gonna keep and eye on Levi, and I will keep you posted. And Dr. Jaeger, your dad, I’m sure will be doing the same. Okay?” I nodded. “We are working on a room up on my floor. We have space, we just need to get it clean. And It’ll be extra clean, because I know what Levi is like.”

I laughed quietly at that and let a smile form on my lips. “Thank you, Hanji.”

“Go home and get some rest, Eren. Come back tomorrow.”

After hearing that for the second time that night, I knew I really needed to leave. “I will.”

I turned back around to give Levi one last look. His tiny body barely taking up half of the bed. My heart ached seeing him like this.

“He’ll be okay, Eren.”

—————

Days past and despite the fact I had been getting updates from Hanji, my dad, and Petra, I hadn’t stepped foot into the hospital since I had left.

Armin had managed to pick me up that night and drop me outside Erwin’s to grab my car. Our soup had been long cold and it was a shame I had to throw it out, not wanting to wind up in a hospital bed of my own due to food sickness.

Once I had managed to get home that night, however, the anger flooded out in full force. I was pissed. I was absolutely livid, and Armin was there to see the entire meltdown.

“Why the fuck didn’t he tell me anything, Armin? What the fuck?” I shouted, while Armin stayed quiet on the couch. He knew better than to cut in while I was on the verbal attack, and he knew that my anger wasn’t at him at all. “Why the fuck did he feel the need to give in to all of Erwin’s habits? Why did he let himself do that? After he fucking reamed me out when he found what I had in my drawer? And that fucking shit wasn’t even mine to begin with.”

I had managed to pass out that night on the couch, head in Armin’s lap as his fingers combed through my hair. It was relaxing, and I was glad he was there for me.

The days following were no better. Work was a nightmare, and I could barely look at broccoli cheese soup without getting pissed off. I had to leave work early the first day after nearly dumping a bowl on a customer, and the second day I kept in the kitchen, away from customers.

“Man, you need to calm down.” Jean muttered as he walked into the kitchen the second day. I glared at him, hoping the look would kill him in that instant. Unfortunately for me, the boy remained standing. “Seriously, I don’t know why you are so worked up.”

I slammed down the knife I had been using to cut slices of fresh bread.

“Because, asshole. There was no need for any of that shit to happen, and it was happening behind my back.” I hissed, keeping my voice low as to not draw attention to the kitchen. “And now he’s awake, and I can’t go see him because I am pissed off and I don’t want to have to be the one to break the news to him that we have to bury his fucking friend that got him into this mess in the first place.”

Jean’s face was blank for a moment before he frowned. “Wait, bury who?”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The people at work only got the small details, and all they really knew was that Levi was in the hospital due to a mishap in his medication. I didn’t want the story to be spread throughout campus that he had nearly overdosed on heroin.

“Erwin.”

“ _What?_ ”

“You just keep your mouth shut, horseface.” I whispered, my glare almost deadly. “He fucking overdosed and nearly took Levi with him. You do not speak a fucking word, and you keep going along with what I originally told you, okay?”

He nodded quickly, eyes wide. “Your anger makes much more sense, man. Sorry.”

At that, Jean escaped my fury-filled stare and moved himself back out to the front of the cafe. I was about to pick the knife back up when I felt my phone starting to buzz in my pocket.

“For fuck sakes.” I grumbled, wiping my hands on my apron before pulling out the phone. I sighed heavily at the name before answering, sticking it against my ear. “Hey, Petra.”

“ _He’s asking for you again._ ” she said quietly, just above a whisper. She must have been just outside his room on Hanji’s floor. “ _He keeps asking why you haven’t come to see him since…_ ”

I sighed again and closed my eyes. I really did feel awful that I hadn’t gone to see him, but I was so angry and I was scared to lash out on him while he was still fragile.

“I can’t…”

“ _Eren, you should come see him. I know you’re angry and you have every right to be, but he’s asking for you and he looks so sad every time we tell him he’s not here, or that you aren’t coming in today._ ”

“Petra I’m scared I’m going to go off on him while he’s in that bed. He looked so small when he was in the ER, I’m scared I would hurt him more. And I don’t mean physically, but emotionally; mentally. I just…” I trailed off, running one of my hands over my face as I stepped away from the work station in the kitchen and towards the corner where we kept our coats. “Our trust with one another is sort of cracked, and I am scared. He couldn’t trust me enough to tell me what he was doing with Erwin, but I put all my trust in him.”

I heard Petra sigh quietly on the other end before finally speaking. “ _Please, Eren. Come see him and let him explain himself. I’ve never seen him look so upset. Not when he was in here before, and not even after I told him about Erwin…_ ”

“How did he take it?” I found myself asking before I could stop.

Petra sighed again, “ _Better than I thought, but he’s still very upset. And I think he it would help a great deal if you’d come here. He loves you, so so much._ ”

“I love him too…”

“ _Then come here when your shift is over. I know you are at work, and I’m sorry for calling you while you’re working—_ ”

“It’s okay.”

“ _Let him explain, please? They’re gonna let him out tomorrow, but the sooner you come here, the better, I think. Please? Hear his side of the story._ ”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew I had to see him. I knew I needed to hear his side of everything. I knew I was jumping to conclusions, but it still didn’t help the fact that he didn’t trust me enough to tell me what he’d been doing for the past several months with Erwin.

By some sort of miracle, I managed to make it through the remainder of my shift and I sat in the kitchen in the corner of personal belongings while I thought over what I was about to do. I was still angry, but I really knew that I needed to hear what Levi had to say. And I hated the fact that I was keeping him waiting. He wanted to see me, and I was denying him that one small thing. Because I was angry, and I could not keep my anger in check.

But the anger had subsided slightly. My nightly fits of rage for Armin’s ears only had helped it from bubbling over the top in public. And I knew this is what I had to do.

Finally talking myself into leaving the cafe, I left with a bowl of soup in a bag. It wasn’t much, but it was somewhat of a peace offering for being a complete dick to Levi the past couple days. And, he never got to eat the soup I had for him before either.

The drive to the hospital was a blur, though I made it there in one piece. I parked the car and plunked coins into the metre, much to my displeasure. I held onto the plastic bag containing the soup tightly in one hand while I walked up to the hospital’s main entrance on shaky legs.

I knew the building’s layout pretty well, considering my dad worked there sometimes. He’d brought me to work for one of those ‘go to work with your parent’ days in elementary school. At the time, I was fascinated, because it was a large, clean building full of a bunch of different people. Now it was a place that made my stomach feel queasy just from the sterile smell.

I stepped off the elevator a short while later and gave a small smile to Hanji who was sitting beside the nurses station.

“Room 408, Eren.” she called with a smile, much more bubbly than the last time I had seen her. I gave her a nod and continued my way down the corridor.

The walls were lined with empty beds, and there was beeping coming from a few of the rooms I passed that had their doors open. Nurses were shuffling back and forth between rooms, and outside the closed foods of 408 was a rack of trays. Dinner was just starting, or had just finished. I took a deep breath before pushing open the door.

Levi had managed to get a room on his own. The curtains were drawn shut and the light over the bed was the only thing lighting the room. It was dim, but it was the lighting I knew he preferred with his headaches.

Petra was sitting at his bedside while Levi looked at the tray in front of him with disgust. The smell of the hospital food wafted towards the door and I could understand why he was making the face he was making. Neither had realized I was standing in the door way for a few moments, and I took that time to gain my bearings. Levi was awake, and seemingly fine. Everything was fine.

But it wasn’t fine, and we had a million things to discuss.

I closed the door behind me before shuffling forward, and it was at the point when the plastic bag holding the soup loudly grazed my leg that they both looked up. Petra’s face broke into a smile and Levi’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He had not been expecting me.

“Hey…” I said weakly, feeling my face flush red. It was the worst introduction, but I lost my words at the sight of the man.

Levi finally tore his gaze off of me before glancing at Petra, his eyes telling her all she needed to know before she was standing up.

“I’m going to go grab a coffee. Do you want anything, Eren?”

I shook my head and offered her a small smile in thanks before she left the room. I waited until the door had closed again before turning back to Levi. He had sat back and his eyes were on me once more.

I moved closer to the bed slowly, almost scared of what he was going to say. He hadn’t spoken a single word since I had entered the room and he was starting to make me nervous. It was a feeling of nervousness I hadn’t felt since the first time I had met him. But finally…

“What’s in the bag?” he asked, eyes finally tearing away from his face and down to the bag with the cafe’s logo printed on the side.

“I think you know what is in the bag.” I mumbled quietly, lifting it up. The outline of the soup bowl was obvious and I could see the man’s fingers twitching on his lap. I couldn’t stop the small grin from forming on my lips. I stepped forward and took one glance at the hospital dinner they had given him. I grabbed the spoon off of the side of the tray and sat it on the rolling table that was sitting over Levi’s bed before putting the cover back on the tray. I set the bag down on the table and lifted the tray off to move it over to the table by the door for pick up. I quietly made my way back to the bed and pulled the bowl of soup out of the bag and sat it in front of Levi, pulling the top off. “Enjoy.” I said quietly before moving to sit in the chair Petra had been using.

“Thank you.” he mumbled softly before grabbing the spoon off of the table in front of him and leaning forward to take the first bite. It was as though everything was right in the world, just by the look on Levi’s face. The look put a smile on my face and I leaned to the side, resting my head against my hand as I watched him eat. 

He ate the soup quicker than I had ever seen. It was as though he hadn’t eaten in days, though by the looks of the food they had served him, I would have believed it. 

With the last few spoonfuls, he lifted the bowl up and scraped the bottom with his spoon until it was completely empty before setting it back down on the table. He made quick movements to put the bowl and lid back in the plastic bag, and I reached up to grab it and toss it into the garbage can.

“That was the most I’ve eaten.” he muttered, laying back against the pillows.

“I believe it. Was that supposed to be chicken on that tray?”

He slowly nodded, letting his eyes fall shut as his hands moved over his stomach, rubbing in circles. “I think so. It didn’t look like chicken, that was for sure.”

He turned his head to look at me, and just with our eyes locked I could feel all the anger fading. I was still livid, but it was a can of worms that I didn’t want to open in the middle of the hospital during dinner time. Instead, I found something else to say. 

“I’m sorry.” The words were quiet as they exited my mouth, but the room was so quiet that I knew he heard me. I stood up a bit to bring the chair closer to his bed before reaching for one of the hands he had on his stomach. “I really am sorry that I haven’t been here.”

Levi gently squeezed my hand in his and closed his eyes. “I know you’re angry. I know Petra and Hanji, and I’m sure your dad have been letting you know everything thats been going on. And Petra mostly has been giving me updates on you, too. I know you’re angry and you have every right to be. I made a huge mistake.”

His voice was quiet, and shook as he spoke. He sounded scared, and it was a tone that I had never heard from him before. I squeezed his hand back gently before bringing it up to my lips to kiss his knuckles.

“I am very angry. That is true.” I admitted quietly, and I could see the man nibble the inside of his bottom lip, nervous. “I’m not going to get angry right now, though. I am just glad to see your eyes open and alive, and not at all like how I found you.”

Levi took a deep breath and nodded. “I am so, so fucking sorry, Eren.” his eyes closed at that, and his voice broke in saying my name. It made my heart ache, and I squeezed his hand tighter. “I am so fucking sorry you had to see that. To find me like that. To find Erwin like that…” his voice trailed off and he turned his head away from me, his eyes still closed. “I feel so fucking stupid.”

“Levi…”

“No, I do. I do, I feel like the biggest fucking asshole, and the biggest god damn hypocrite.” He quickly turned his head back to me, eyes wide open. “I got mad at you for having all those drugs and here I am in a hospital because of some dirty heroin that Erwin injected into my system, because I let him. Because my pain was too much and I needed a release. And I got mad at you for having drugs just in your apartment, ones you weren’t even using. And I feel so fucking terrible, Eren.”

“Levi, please…”

“No, Eren.” His voice cracked once again and he squeezed his eyes shut, droplets of tears falling from his eyes. “I deserve to be yelled at. You can hate me, you can yell at me. You can leave me, and I know it’s what I deserve for fucking up so much.”

The words leaving Levi’s mouth pained me. My chest hurt, and it wasn’t what I wanted to hear and I pushed myself up off the chair and onto my feet so my body was right up against the railing of Levi’s bed.

“No. Levi, listen. Are you listening?” I asked, squeezing his hand with my one hand while the other moved up to his cheek, and Levi nodded. “Yes, I am pissed. Livid. Absolutely furious. And yes, I will probably yell a lot when we get out of here, but you know what? I don’t hate you. I don’t fucking hate you, because I love you far too much. I fucking love everything about you. Yes, you fucked up. We all fuck up. We are human, but I fucking love you and I was so scared when I found you that I was going to lose you. I could not lose you. I wouldn’t be the same, but you’re alive. You’re as healthy as you were before. You’re fine. And I love you.” I said, barely above a whisper. My thumb continued to brush his cheek as I spoke.

Levi’s eyes squeezed shut again and I could feel him trembling under my touch. And then a few tears escaped his eyes again and my heart ached more and I hated seeing him like this.

“I don’t deserve you. After all that, I don’t deserve you. Why don’t you hate me? I deserve that much.” His words were spoken slowly, much slower than he usually spoke. And I closed my eyes, because I didn’t know what else to say.

I leaned forward and let my forehead rest against his as I kept my eyes closed, squeezing his hand tightly in mine as the other moved down to his neck.

“I could never hate you, no matter what, Levi.” I said quietly. “I love you too much. I was so scared.” I felt myself repeating the words, because it was all I felt in that moment. I was furious with the man, but seeing him falling apart in front of my eyes was too much for me.

“I am so sorry. I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry, Eren.” 

I opened my eyes to find him looking back up at me, with our foreheads still pressed together. We stayed still and silent for a few moments before I finally pulled back. I moved my hand back up to his face, and he leaned into my touch as he kept his eyes on mine.

“All I want to know, Levi…” I trailed off, and he looked at me expectantly. “Why couldn’t you tell me? I want to be able to trust you, but I don’t know if I can if you keep things like that from me.”

Levi nibbled his lip again and closed his eyes, still leaning into my touch as he squeezed my hand. He took a deep breath before he spoke up.

“I don’t know. And I regret it. I regret all those weekends. I shouldn’t have given in, I’m such a hypocrite. Such a hypocrite.” his voice was barely a whimper as he spoke. 

I hushed him quietly and shook my head. “Levi, please stop saying that.” I spoke softly, moving my hand gently on his cheek. “I know why you’re saying it, but please stop. I am not wondering about that.”

He nodded against my hand and let out a long breath. “I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared.” he finally admitted. “Because of what I said to you, about Jean’s drugs.” He spoke slower than normal once again, taking care with each word he chose. “I was scared you would do the same thing to me as I did to you. I was scared to lose you, because I am so in love with you. And I knew I was going to hurt you by doing this, but it was an escape. For those few hours each weekend, I didn’t feel a thing. I forgot what pain was, but at what price?” he stayed quiet for a moment as he dropped his eyes from my face. “I was scared, that is all. I’m pathetic. I didn’t want to lose you, and I was scared I would for sure.”

I was still furious. Angry. Irate. Mad. Cross. Irked. Any word you wanted to use, that was me. But I swallowed it all down because he was finally being honest. There was sincerity in his voice.

“I trust you with my fucking life, Eren. And I am so, so fucking sorry that I have broken your trust. I am so fucking sorry.” he whimpered, and I could feel my chest aching again as the man’s voice broke. “Please, I want to fix it.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed, everything within me crumbling down. The anger fading once more.

“It’s going to take a lot more than this to make me leave you, Levi.” I finally admitted, feeling my own voice shake. I had told the man a thousand times that I loved him, but something about this felt stronger. “You’ve got me until the end of time. This is just something we will work through, and we’ll be stronger.”

Levi’s eyes were back on mine and they widened at my words. “Aren’t you mad?”

“Pissed as hell, but I really cannot imagine a life without you.” I confessed quietly. “And I was scared it was going to happen.”

Levi shook his head slowly before moving his free hand up to my face. His fingers combed through my hair to the back of my head to pull me down until our lips connected. It was a slow, gentle kiss. It was a feeling I had missed in the last few days, and the regret seeped through my body as we pulled away. I really shouldn’t have waited this long to see him.

“I’m quitting everything. The obvious, but no more weed. No more of it.” Levi said, shaking his head. His hand was still tightly gripping my hair, and it would have heard if I wasn’t so preoccupied with what he was saying.

“But the pain…”

“Fuck the pain, Eren. I know smoking wasn’t the worst of what I did in the past few months. Hell, it fucking barely grazes the surface of what I’ve done…” he trailed off, and I swallowed the lump that had built in my throat. I didn’t want to know all of what he had done in the past months. “I just want to be clean of it, and have your dad prescribe me my medication and I’ll live with the pain that I have been given like every other god damn human on this planet. That is what I’m going to do.”

I blinked as I listened to the words he spoke before slowly nodding. “And I will be right there to back you up. I’ll quit too.”

“You don’t have—“

“Levi, I want you to be well. And I want you to trust yourself, and I don’t want you to fall back into things again. And if you think you might, I want to be the one you come to to talk to. I don’t want to be left in the dark again.”

“I won’t leave you in the dark again. I’ll never leave you in the dark again, I can promise you that. Eren, I am so fucking sorry and I don’t know how many times I’m going to say it until I feel like I have made it up.”

“Shhh, Levi. Shh. Stop. I know you’re sorry.”

“But—“

I let my lips brush against his again before shaking my head. “We’re going to make it through this, and we’ll just look back on this one day like it never really happened.”

“I do not deserve you.” He said once again and I shook my head.

“Shut up, Levi. I fucking love you.”

And as a smile finally formed on his face, I knew things were going to be okay. I was going to let him earn back his trust, and everything was going to be okay.

He was alive and in one piece, and things were okay.


	15. Protect Me From What I Want

The summer seemed to pass like a breeze. Dr. Jaeger, much to my dismay, had put me on a steady watch as the drugs continued to leave my body. While I had only been using them a few times a week, once my body was ready for it’s next high which didn’t come, it reacted in not the nicest of ways. I was sick right down to my core, but it was to be expected. And it had been explained to me that this would happen.

The body wanted what it couldn’t have. Withdrawals were a bitch. Recovery was a fucking bitch from the deepest pits of hell.

While I wasn’t at home, enjoying the sun on my apartment patio, I was once again making my rounds to the cafe. No one seemed to really know what had happened to me, other than my getting sick due to my painkillers. I knew Eren was keeping everything that had happened under lock and key, and for that I was grateful.

Gaining Eren’s trust back was a little more rough than I had planned, but I needed it. I wanted it. He always asked me a million times what I’d be doing, and while I was out, he’d check up on me. If it were anyone else, I’d be annoyed, but I knew what he was doing and I could appreciate it. Because he had been right, that day in the hospital. I don’t know what I would do without him in my life if it was me that lost him.

And losing people was hard.

Erwin’s funeral was a rough one. His family had come, which was to be expected, but the things they said pissed me off. So much so, Eren had to drag me out of the hall on multiple occasions. I was well aware of all the fuck ups that the man had made in his life. Fully aware, and part of me wanted to hate him for nearly taking me down with him with a string of dirty heroin in his perfectly clean needle. His seller had fucked up somewhere.

But despite his major fuck ups, I knew Erwin was a good person. Deep down, he had a heart of gold. He cared about his friends; myself, Petra and Hanji, and he always showed it in his own sort of ways. I knew I talked a lot of shit about Erwin for a long time, because of the things he did and the lack of trust I had for him, but in the end, he had been one of my best friends. And there was no denying that his death threw me off.

It didn’t surprise me by any means, but it was still something I wasn’t fully prepared to deal with.

Loss is a funny thing, and everyone deals with it differently.

When Petra had first told me when I woke up in the hospital the following day after Eren had found us, I laughed. I didn’t believe her for a second, but as the minutes passed and her face was filled with sadness, I knew she wasn’t kidding. I knew that she was telling the truth; that Erwin had his last line and his last needle with me tripping balls on the couch next to him, unknowing.

Eren later told me that it was believed he had died while I was still awake and functioning. That I had been trying to call Eren at the time, but I had no idea.

But that day was a rough one. We stood a the back of the hall, while people stood at the microphone at the front of the room and spoke as if they knew Erwin. They were family, sure, but we knew him better than anyone else. But no one asked us to speak on his behalf. No one wanted us to be there anyway. As far as his family was concerned, we were the reason for his downfall. If only they knew how wrong they actually were. So we stayed standing in the back of the room, my hand in Eren’s, while my other held onto Petra’s. 

After the funeral, we were back to real life. The first weeks went by in a blur before I started to feel back to being myself. The withdrawal sickness finally left me and I fell into my routine. Wake up to Eren’s beautiful face, lay around for a while, go to the see Dr. Jaeger to let him know I was still alive, visit Eren and have dinner, go home with Eren and spend the night relaxing on the couch. And it was a dull routine, but it was a nice routine. It was a concrete foundation to fix the trust with Eren.

And that was something I wanted fixed more than anything else. And I let him call me at all times of the day to see where I was at, and I didn’t mind. And I let him second guess my decisions, but as the weeks turned into months, and as school was gearing up to go back, I knew I was back on track to having his trust. Without Erwin in the picture, I knew that was a big step. I hadn’t touched a smidgen of pot, nor a drop of alcohol and I had no intentions of doing so. I didn’t miss it, really.

The drugs that Dr Jaeger had put me on after I left the hospital had been doing their job just fine, and he kept close tabs on my medications. Not only had I fucked up my trust with Eren, but I had with his dad as well. Though, the man had many words to say to me the first few weeks after getting out of the hospital, I am pretty sure he scared me away from every drug imaginable. I was almost apprehensive about taking my painkillers.

But, those were a necessity.

I tried to go a day without, but I had only made it until noon before the pain was so bad I felt sick.

But aside from that, school had started back up and life was back to normal as I would know it. And I was okay, and I was content. And I wouldn’t change anything for the world, especially when I woke up to Eren’s bright green eyes every morning, and the sight of him before falling asleep at night. He was still by my side after a major fuck up, and I was far too lucky to have him.

And I still felt like i didn’t deserve him, but I wasn’t going to try and push him away again.

I loved him, and his words had saved me.

He was by my side, and he’d protect me from what I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I couldn't hold back the last chapter. I was going to wait but I was like no, no no. I'd just keep staring at it and probably fuck it up. I think it's decent where I left it. I think it closes off any loose ends, and if I missed anything, I really am sorry. The last few chapters came out of me really quickly, and a lot of it wasn't proofed (but that is how I roll you see) and I am glad it's over. The subject matter was a bit rough on me the last few chapters, and I think that's why I needed to get it done.
> 
> BUT UGH it's over! And I want to thank every single one of you that left comments, and kudos and everything because they really are my favourite. And they keep me motivated to continue <33
> 
> I have a million prompts on my tumblr to fill, but I am always stoked to receive more! I don't plan on any more chaptered fics for a while, but I'll continue with the one shots :D
> 
> Ahhh, thank you for reading <333 Also, I had made a playlist with all the chapter titles, but since half the songs are from the same band, 8tracks will not let me publish it. However! I made it via youtube, so enjoy! [[x](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7uwm_-o1lzXdHMjgifrXVjaJsyT7ycqD)]
> 
> ((Also for anyone that has read [Academics](http://archiveofourown.org/series/94715), I made a playlist for that as well on 8tracks! [[x](http://8tracks.com/aichou/academics)]))

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](http://tscwrites.tumblr.com)


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